oh dear... I have no clue where to start..

1. The ex wife calling you nope, block her phone number from contacting you, you did not have children with her, she can run everything past your fiance... ignore the whore is our motto on here

2. SD14 slapped you - why did you not file police charges, it's assault and she should learn not to lift her hand at any one, remember this for the future hon, if she slaps you, you file assault charges.

3. Disengage from the 14 year old, you do nothing for her, read the link below.... and you are simply friendly to the 11 year old. Treat the 14 year old the way she treats you, if she's friendly you are friendly without doing anything for her or buying her anything, if she's rude you ignore her

Now... what did Fiance do after the attack? Sat there with his I'm so sorry face... then this is a problem, he was suppose to storm after her, take her door down and tell her, you are one rude little cow, pack your shit I'm taking you back to your mother, you can come back when you can behave and apologized, by the way hand me that phone I'm paying for it.....

Simply tell your fiance you are not getting married until he stepped up and sorted his daughter and Ex wife out, You are his first priority and he should protect you against them, he should show them you are a team but as long as he's not doing anything, do not get married, you will be sorry and it will end up in divorce, you can stay engaged for another 4 years... till the snot is out of the house

http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html

What she said!!!!

Yup, as sorry as your fiancé is, what does this do to change her next outburst?
He needs to take her phone from her (if he pays for it) and come down hard on her arse. Being glad his 2nd wife is dead????? That is disgusting! And he needs to nip this behavior in the bud.
If he doesn't and says he will talk to her .... this is the model for your future. She blows up and utters filth at you and he sits there and says "I am sorry." Yes, 'sorry' is a cop-out. He needs to act immediately on her behavior or your life is about to be a miserable existence.
Personally I would take her on and tell her that being glad someone else is dead is going to bring the same fate on some woman she loves. And I would just walk away. Let her sweat that one. Little POS.
And as for the face slap ... call the police and get her arrested in school. And block her toxic mother from your world. No FB, phone numbers. Nothing, She is not your problem.

Well, at least you know now what your future holds. You are single and I assume with no children. Why in the world do this to yourself? Trust me, most of us married on this site-- not even knowing what was coming our way years down the road, because in the beginning much was "hidden" from us. Otherwise, many of us would not have married into this dynamic, and those of us who have remained, frequently question why we stayed for so long, regardless.

You are seeing the true colors of your future and if you think you are experiencing a soap opera now, imagine this every birthday, Christmas, special occasion and even more.

Find yourself a more peaceful situation, you do not deserve all that will inevitably come your way. You have time to change your life out for a more positive one, and you should. You will never be able to count on this man to protect you, he sat there and let his daughter "slap" you; and say she wishes you were dead.

Move on, protect yourself and find a man who puts YOU first. This man can't.

Acra nailed it.

Stepmom is not synonymous with pushover and doormat. YOU rule your home. YOU demand respect. YOU are the damned adult, and if your fiance won't handle an unruly child who hit you then YOU will.

Your fiance needs to be scared to lose you. He needs to realize that this type of behavior WILL cost him Wife #3. HE needs to deal with the ex and his daughter, first by establishing boundaries with his ex to ensure she never contacts you directly and second by punishing his daughter in a very real and concrete way. None of this pansy "now apologize" crap. Like Acra said, door comes off the frame, phone gets taken away, her stuff gets tossed from her room, and she is demoted to "guest" versus "member of the household". My own parents would do it with me, and DH would do it to his own kids.

Actually, if either of my SSs EVER purposefully laid a hand on me, it would be a race to see whether DH or I would rip their tiny world apart first. Those boys may not be mine, but I have an absolute right to protect myself and my home, and you bet your arse that I WILL handle assault of my body, home, and character, be damned what DH or BM thinks.

In short, no, this behavior isn't normal. If your fiance won't handle his daughter and his ex, do as Acra says. Actually, just do what Acra says. If this little girl wants to get back in your good graces, SHE needs to work for it; you DO NOT and SHOULD NOT hand it to her.

Be bold, and welcome to the club.

'She refused. He left her alone' & 'Fiance promised me he would talk her, it did not happen'

There you have it OP.

Letti,

I've been where you are now....just way way longer, take it to heart, do not get married until it's all resolved,

The 11 year old might remain a sweet girl or she might turn on you when the hormones kicks in, but find your quiet corner and think this through keeping in mind there's only 2 people in a relationship.

Dot down what you want from the relationship, a husband that will always support you no matter what, You will not parent his children he has to and he always has to make sure you are comfortable and safe in your own home, never combine finances and you only pay 25% of all house hold expenses, you will not contribute to his children unless you want to or unless you feel they deserve it. Boundaries in place immediately, the girls are not allowed in the master bedroom or bathroom.....

second marriages can work Hon, but your husband needs to have your back, and make it clear to him, if any of his daughters, ex wife or him ever lift a hand to you, you will file assault charges.... you will not tolerate being disrespected, and if he's not around his children will not be there, you are not the babysitter.....

Put this behind you, it's in the past, you can not change it but you can learn from it, if he's worth it stick it out, but only if he supports you and parents his children. If the 14year old demands it's her or you, he should say, I'm not choosing between the 2 off you and I will not let a teenager dictate my life, Letti stays, she's my partner.... even if it means his daughter never speaks to him again... if he can't do this....
give him the ring back and start new...

Not all skids are bad, some are actually very good and do not feel you have to compete with any prior wife Hon, you are who you are, if he does not like it then it's not going to work, and if people try and compare you with the other's smile and say, I'm glad he had some one like that in his life, but I'm my own person...

I know it's been said... BUT DON'T COMMUNICATE WITH THE EX. All communication should be through your fiancé, she's probably putting you more at odds by communicating with you, and I'm willing to bet she knows that. I even went so far as when the ex was creeping, she got her a$$ blocked on Facebook, we weren't friends even, but she was friends with MIL, and liking anything she posted me in, it was uncomfortable.

Even if that is "normal" behavior for a fourteen year old (idk if it is) it's still sure as he!! disrespectful as f***. So your fiancé needs to clean that up and nip it before it gets worse (though tbh slapping you and calling you a b**** seems pretty high up there already)

I think the best message you can send your fiancé is to break off the engagement. Don’t marry this spineless, sorry excuse for a man.

His child hit you and he gave her no punishment. She just learned that it’s OK to do what she did. Now think about how many years this is going to go on. Is he worth it?

And to answer the question, it is not normal in the slightest that she slapped you. Not at all.

I would move out. If you want to continue to date, do so. But only date him without his children around.

At 14, I was 5'8" and weighed 150 lbs. At 14, my brother was 6ft and weighed almost 200 lbs.

If I were slapped by another person who was not a small child, I would call the police and file charges. I understand it's complicated because it's your fiance's daughter, but that makes it worse, doesn't it?

In your shoes, after your fiance failed to help his daughter learn self-control before AND after the slap, I'd meander on down to the local po-po and file charges. Your relationship with your fiance might be in jeopardy - but it is anyway. And you will learn about the kind of man and parent your fiance is based on how he responds.

And that will help you learn if he is the kind of man you want to partner up with, and whether he can be the kind of father your future children deserve.

All of what Moe said. The fact that your fiancé did not back you up is a huge problem.

As an example: a few weeks ago, SS15 lost his temper. He threw my things, wrote me a nasty note and dragged me across the patio because I was trying to stop him from attempting to run away. He's ASD so being out in the big world while he's having a tantrum is not what I wanted to happen.

Just by my trying to stop him, I got hurt. Because he's strong, weirdly strong. My DH, who never says boo to the kid normally, told him point blank that he should never EVER hurt a female and if he ever heard of him hurting his wife or losing his temper on his wife again, they were going to have a serious f**king falling out!

Your fiancé's lack of parenting is the number one problem. The second she slapped you, he should have dealt with it. If he had intended to actually deal with the situation, she would have never made it to her room. He's letting this monster run wild. Question is - what do you want to live with?

It's possible the 14yo has her hopes up that daddy will get back together with her mother and THAT is why she is upset.

However...

A 14yo behaving abominably to an adult? Unacceptable. A 4yo, MAYBE, but not a 14yo. And a good parent gives a 4yo consequences.
A 14yo slapping an adult?? Unacceptable.
A 14yo receiving NO consequences? Unacceptable.

OP, your fiancé is already showing you what to expect. His children can misbehave and he does NOTHING. Says NOTHING. Do not expect this to get better. Expect it to get worse. Please take a loooooooong time to consider if walking down the aisle is truly the best thing for YOU.

I would of grabbed her wrist and said "If you EVER lay a hand on me again, you will be going back to your mother's house in a body bag, understood?"

DEMAND an apology!! Then total and complete disengagement. She doesn't exist in your world!! No eye contact, nothing!!

A man who just sits there while ANYBODY slaps the shit out of a woman is a man who might resort to violence himself. He obviously didn’t think it was that big of a deal.

I would want to kick her effing ass to the gutter where she belongs. I have never hit anyone in my life. Okay maybe I did at 2 or 3 and don’t remember it. I hope I would not have sucker punched her but believe me she would regret it for years.

Ladies from some one who's gone through this...

You are in shock, not only because the child assaulted you, but also because your partner just stand there in shock as well cause they see their princesses for what they really are.....

I have the training to really hurt the cow, but I was way to shocked, I simply stood up and left.. got in my car and 2 blocks away came out of shock, my first thought was turning around and beat the crap out of her, then reason took over and I went straight to the police station..