Have you thought of putting the 4yr old in preschool and getting a job for additional income? I would not be able to live with having to ask for cash every time I desired to spend money.

Not sure which area of price range you were thinking in the cubby you selected and showed your DH for your daughter for her birthday. I know here these playhouses can widely vary in price.

I think some members will tell you that life doesn't stop when the SD isn't there and that you , DH and your youngest should go and do when SD also isn't there. However , I can very well understand your Dh's line of thinking. If he's the only one earning an income and has two little girls, it's not necessarily wrong of him to want to include and plan the outings your home can afford to be on the weekends he has both girls. Would you find it 'fair' to always go on times the SD is not present and that SD's father never gets to treat his oldest daughter? In the way he is doing the outings (when both girls can enjoy), he is making it so he has equal good times with all of his children.

I realize, of course, that's not how you look at the issue, but it is natural that he want to do entertain and outings as a family . He considers both girls his family. Yeah, I know, you think of your daughter, but both girls are his daughters. Many of the members here are working women that have stepchildren and bio-children). But when they work and also have income outings are not such a financial hardship. Both parents are contributing to the cost. They can afford the outings during both times, when skid is there and also when skid is not there.

Why are you and your daughter not included in the things such as SD's concert? I would think your youngest were enjoy seeing her older sister perform? As most children activities are public and/or school events, I would think you should be able to attend. Is it your Dh who says 'no' or is it BM (the SD's mother) who says you can't come? If it is BM, I'd go anyway. If it is your DH, what excuse does he give you. Whatever it is, he's wrong.

Let's see, I'm down to the changed plans I think. Your husband should be aware of what activities his oldest is signed up for (concerts and sports or whatever). Did he agree to enrollment in these activities during his visitation time with his daughter? Or did BM just sign SD up? If he pre-agreed to allowing the daughter to participate in this or that activity knowing it would affect his time on his weekends, he shouldn't be making other plans on that weekend. He already pre-committed (and pre-agreements should have been discussed with you). If the activities were not mutual pre-agreements, DH can just tell BM 'no'. He nor the rest of your household needs to change plans last minute due to something Dh had no pre say in.

Time to get a job and earn your own money . You have no power in your relationship and getting a job is the first step

seriouslY?

Why not simply go and by the cubby for your daughter? If he has spare money to waste on that expensive gift for SD, then hell spend it for him.

Him changing plans to accommodate BM - no one ever said you have to change your plans Hon, simply proceed with your plans and take DD with you...

he can stay and jump for BM, you really do not have to

These are the first steps of disengagement,

If you have the money, buy the damn cubby anyway. Cause guess what? If you don't spend the money on your daughter, you H is going to spend it on SD. You need to get a job stat. You must know SOMEBODY in the town/city you live in? If not, then get your butt out there and join some mom groups, and/or get your daughter involved in something where you can meet other moms like soccer or softball or what have you.

Worst case scenario, your daughter should be going to school next year correct? So start taking steps now to be able to stand on your own two feet and get yourself and your daughter out of that crappy environment where you all play second fiddle to BM and SD.

Why in the world does an 11 year old need an iWatch and and iPhone?! My DH did the same thing with me and our BD for years! We had SD full-time for half her life and DH would always have different standards for SD & BD. I always felt like "I just can't do this anymore." I tried many approaches but it always ended in horrible fights and in the end, SD always won over me or BD. Finally, I did what you said..."put up and shut up." One day at a time. Now SD is 15 and lives with BM full time. But I'll never forget those long horrible years I spent suffering in silence. Hang in there!!