I'm being petty, and I don't care. :-P
It was settled that BM would take ss for a portion of the evening, and that DH would get ss back for the rest.
I bought ss a costume at walmart a few days ago, in case BM decided to flake out again and we were caught unprepared...
dh texts me to tell me that MOTY didn't buy a costume, wants to borrow ours... dh told her fine, but she'll have to come get it after 5...she wasn't happy, she wanted him to bring it to her
I text him back awww too bad, I have all the halloween stuff with me because we're going to our friend's after work, did he forget we weren't going to be home, because BM was suppsoed to pick up ss from school to go??? that I hope BM can figure it out... after all, she has a couple hours sitting on her fat arse to do so...
He texts me back, asking if bm can come get it at my work... buddy, are you freaking well? NO!
I feel petty - but I don't GAF.
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It looks like and DontFeed's
It looks like and DontFeed's BM are reading from the same playbook today
Except in this case it's
Except in this case it's going out of the way. BM is picking the kids up from school in this case.
In our's we're getting them from her home. She has to tell then as they are walking out the door you're not allowed to wear you're costume.
It makes it slightly different. BM in OP's case is demanding they make special arrangements.
Now if they had the kids first and were making them take off the costume before going out with mom I would disagree with it.
It's all about easy. I look at it kind of like a coat. The kids have one at our home. If they need it with us we should provide it. I would be pissed though if BM put then out her door without one just because it's our time. Now if BM drops them off on Friday at school without it and they didn't need it I don't expect her to do anything special in Saturday to get one to us.
One year my MOM gave SS
One year my MOM gave SS specifically $ because BM was going to pick him up from us and take him costume shopping. I told my mom not to do it (SO & I know better but my mom didn't believe that Women like BM can deprive their child of such things) she didn't listen. A week later BM was blowing up SO about needing $ for a costume for SS. SS reported that his mom took the money and claimed it was hers that she lost.
That is why any money the
That is why any money the kids get stays in our home.
This is way too common.
Be petty away! BM's friend
Be petty away! BM's friend showed up to my work once and I wasn't a happy camper: BM shows up and my pretend good temper just might shatter.
You're not being petty, she's
You're not being petty, she's being a lazy ass sloth, someone needs to teach her to behave better. Why not you?
Damn, it feels good to be
Damn, it feels good to be petty! LOL
I wouldn't spit on the BM2 I
I wouldn't spit on the BM2 I deal with if she was on fire, let alone give her a costume I bought because her lazy arse didn't want to spend the money. Petty? More like do for your child for dog sake!
She's just too much of a
She's just too much of a slacker for me to want to help out.
Honestly I don't think you're
Honestly I don't think you're being petty.
She's demanding you go out of you're way to help her out and has no right to do so.
It's different if you guys work well together or like I pointed out they already had the costumes on.
yes and no - she's demanding
yes and no - she's demanding she should be able to come get it at my work, because I have it, and she should be able to use it, why should she have to buy one too?
Last I checked... *I* should be able to use the costume *she* bought.
While it wouldn't be going out of my way in any way, I don't want her knowing where I work. She knows which company I work for, but doesn't know which site I work out of. I'd like to keep it that way.
If she wasn't craycray I wouldn't mind her coming to pick it up... it's just a quick elevator trip downstairs for me, I'd probably time it to have a smoke.
The funniest though, is that she gave DH crap that I didn't dress him in his costume this morning.
Um, nope... the school requested no costumes, ya dingbat... and it wouldn't have been MY responsibility ANYWAY.
I'm missing the days where she was a total absentee "parent".
Oh I completely agree. Do not
Oh I completely agree. Do not let her come to your work.
Petty, yes, but justified
Petty, yes, but justified IMO.
I was in a similar situation a few weeks ago. DH texted me at work saying OSS texted him and needed his fancy shoes for his concert...fancy shoes that were, for some reason, still in my car.
I want you to map this out in your head. It's about 2:30-3:00pm. OSS, who is on the south side of the city in the same apartment as BM, is texting his dad, who is on the north side at work until 5, to bring him shoes that are in my car, which is with me at work on the west side and I have plans immediately after work.
I lost it. BM is literally in the same building as OSS. She was HOME. She had 3 hours to get him shoes! There are half a dozen shoe places within 5 miles of her home. But no, let's call Dad who is on the other side of town and ask him to rush home after work (OSS didn't know the shoes were in mu car) to grab shoes and hope that he makes it to the south side before the concert starts.
I refused to change my plans. I did drop the shoes off at FIL's house because I drove past it to get where I was going, but I'm not going to leave worm early to drop shoes off at home or run them 45 minutes out of my way when there is an adult, a PARENT, right. Freaking. There. DH would have even paid BM back if she would have gotten him shoes, but for whatever reason, that wasn't a viable/considered option.
So, be petty. You're not the momma. You're not responsible for her in any way, shape, or form. If she wants to take SS out last minute, then she can deal with any inconveniences that come with her inconveniencing you.
aaaand it's just about
aaaand it's just about 3:30... she texted dh again about how I should get off at a certain bus station (instead of continuing on) and meet her to hand her the costume, on my way home.
Just by the way - she had class today - from 9:00 - 10:30 am. That's it. Free as a bird since 10:30am.
And SS's school day is just about over now... he'll be in after school care until she bothers to go get him, which probably won't be until a few minutes to 5pm. IF SHE BOTHERS.
Limit is 5pm, or they charge a standard late fee. So DH will be on "standby", close to the school (he drops off a coworker nearby) in case they call him.
They're aware BM is supposed to pick ss up tonight... and they're aware dh will be nearby if she hasn't shown up by 5.
SD4's daycare knows BM
SD4's daycare knows BM doesn't bother at this point... They inform DH of stuff and put me as number 2 to call in case if emergency... Which is feel bad about... But chances are I'll be the one to come out of everyone... DH has class an hour away so even he'd call me lol
I'm #2 as well. I don't deal
I'm #2 as well.
I don't deal with pick up or drop off unless dh specifically requests that i do becasue he's stuck in traffic or something... doesn't bother me, it's not really out of my way.. and it actually works out, because when I pick up ss from school, dh will generally be in the area around the time ss is ready to go... pick up time is "by 5", so as long as I'm there before 5 dh doesn't get charged a late fee, even if it takes ss until 5:10 to get ready... so he picks us both up and I'm home 20 minutes earlier. lol
WTF - did you cave and handed
WTF - did you cave and handed her the costume? I hope not...
sorry BM, I paid for this and you can tell your kid you are a useless mother who did not get him a costume... or you can call DH and tell him, I'm not taking SS anymore.. then I will tell SS, Mum decided not to take you anymore cause it was to much of a hassel to get you a costume
no, FK NO. But, she didn't
no, FK NO.
But, she didn't end up taking him - given the non stop texts to dh about what an a$$hole he was aqnd what a controlling b!tch I was for not helping her out, I figured she'd back out altogether, and just headed on over to the school after work.
No joke, at 4:45 I get off the bus... start walking the block to the school... and DH calls me to ask if I'm able to get over to the school because BM just told him she's not going to take ss out after all, or if he needs to rush through traffic to get there.... I told him I had figured as much... and that I was walking up to the school right now, we'll wait for him in the coffee shop down the street.
Soooo... I get ss... DH picks us up not too long after... and off we go with our original plans.
I told DH last night after we got home, that I'm done... I've had enough. No more bullsh!t... that he needs to cut communication with her - no more back and forth, no more make plans then fake plans... that there needs to be a schedule, there needs to be a plan... and that I'm not going to waste my time thinking about any of it anymore - that from now on, she has the option of seeing him on Wednesday nights - that there will be a designated time and pick up / drop off place, and that if her a$$ isn't there at that time, we move on and she can go F herself.
As of tonight - she can pick up ss at 5:30pm, at the mall between her place and ours, at a specific entrance, because that's where DH and I do our errands... and if she is not standing at that entrance by that time, we move on - we take ss with us and too bad too fricken sad maybe next time. (obviously if dh gets a text saying stuck in traffic, there in 5... I'm not totally heartless, but no call no show, no visit.)
Dh didn't really know what to make of it... I told him I've had enough of the "she might see him tonight... oh wait, she won't after all" crap, and that this si the way it's going to be - that if I'm going to be accused of being controlling, might as well play the part... and that if he doesn't like it, he should have figured out a schedule long ago.
That b!tch will not run my life, she will not keep me on guard, will not make me have a half-a$$ed routine anymore - we will live as we wish, and to hell with her and her antics.
It's been a blissful few months - really has - she's been so far removed from our every day life that it's been really, really great... she's had maybe 3 or 4 visits since she dumped him on us... and now all of a sudden she's back with the BS and the daily texts etc...
Nope, not doing it.
Also - HOW do you ladies stop yourselves from calling BM every name in the book when you're talking to your so/dh? Or if you don't stop yourselves, does your so/dh defend the b!tch or keep his mouth shut?
DH asked me last night to stop talking bad about bm... I told him I don't do it near ss, but that I'll call it like I see it... that if he doesn't want me to call that nasty b!tch what she is when she pulls some stunt, then he needs to keep her and her BS the F out of my face... as long as she toes the line, he won't have to hear me refer to her by whatever name comes up first. Easy. Keep the b!tch in line, you won't hear me call her b!tch.
UUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHH I hate that see you next tuesday.
Our favourite nickname for
Our favourite nickname for BM2 is Voldemort or Voldy for short. Why? Because she's pale, evil and her (real) name should never be spoken. It stuck like poo. It's also handy because then SS15 doesn't know who we're talk about.
If it smells like poo, acts like poo and looks like poo...then it's poo. I think your DH is just embarrassed that he chose, at one time, that vile POS as is life partner and mother to his child. My DH used to do the same but he finally understands that what she does and doesn't do is only a reflection on herself...not him.
oh probably. Except he wants
oh probably. Except he wants to "keep the peace" "for ss"
BULSLHIT.
Ahhh so he just really
Ahhh so he just really doesn't want to confront anything, bury his head in the sand and keep BM happy. Because keeping BM happy is easier for your DH. You being all annoyed and lecturing him is not nearly as bad. You will get over it and not be as horrible so it's better that the SM is upset vs. the BM.
Been there, done ALLLLLLLLL that. I literally was ready to pack and leave.
I said to my DH that you're putting another woman first, other than your wife, so I'm done. He looked at me funny. I said well you'd rather keep BM2 happy because she's more difficult. It's easier to have an upset Cookies. Just let me rant and rave and blow off steam because that's easier to deal with. Once I stop, you can just go back to status quo. Once I stop making noise, you can pretend nothing happened and just keep going as you always have.
Having BM2 upset is way more work. Then she threatens this and that, sends you texts and emails and is a colossal PITA that you can't console or control as easily. Plus she uses SS as leverage and you start believing that she can do something horrible and catastrophic and make the world end. But she only has power that you let her have in your mind.
So you choose the "easier" road that will upset Cookies and keep BM2 appeased. You are more concerned with another woman's happiness over your wife's happiness. Therefore, putting another woman first. I will not put up with being in second place to my own husband. So, I'm out, we're done.
Boy did that have my DH back peddling like a mofo. The lightbulb finally clicked on. Since then he has really turned around. This year he has, hilariously, put BM2 in her place a few times. Not that she'll ever stop because crazy isn't curable...but it sure has slowed her down.
I'm sorry you're going through this secret. I can only share my similar stories and let you know that I can empathise. Sometimes our DH's don't realise that, in trying to keep things "easy", they are actually making it harder.
Thanks.. that might be my
Thanks.. that might be my next conversation, though I suspect he'll say it has nothing to do with her happiness and everything to do with doing what's right for ss.
No. SS will be fine if his mom and dad aren't best buddies.... but daddy won't be fine if SM has to put up with bm's crap much longer.
I do feel a little bad though, because in every other way, I rarely have any complaint...and when I do, they're not even worth bringing up to him. It's HER. Her presence, even if only digital, or in the background, makes my blood boil. I'm tired of always having to keep her in the back of my mind when I'm doing something.
OMG yes. Even though my DH
OMG yes. Even though my DH tells her off...she's always around. Always sending something or messaging or making any desperate attempt to remain relevant in DH's life. It is exhausting. I've told my DH many times that he his a wonderful man, it's his baggage and past that is completely suffocating.
Yeah, I told DH that I'm
Yeah, I told DH that I'm tired of always having another woman in my life - we are not in a 3-way relationship... and that it's quite pathetic that he allows her to stay... he said he never says anything when I talk with my kids father...
Hmm. One text conversation of 2 or 3 texts every 3 or 4 weeks.... generally "letter from school about outing - will cost 200$, are we splitting?" "sure, no problem." "great, I'll pay it from the joint account." totally comparable to sending some nutjob b!tch pictures of EVERY.LITTLE.THING.
I get ss a new shirt, dh sends a pic to BM. I make cookies with ss, DH sends a pic to BM
Like, what the FUQ? No WONDER she's going batty...because I'm sure starting to!