Our kids vs his kids
Let me start with the fact that I have no biological or adopted children of my own.
This site has introduced me to many different ideas and possibilities that have led to much needed conversations with my partner. Now I know he can say one thing today and act very different years down the road BUT to know we are on the same page now really helps.
The kids had left and my partner and I were in their bedroom. They clean up before they leave but I'll go in and check it over to make sure things are away, there's no food or drinks left, and no dirty clothes. They do really well but it's just a habit of mine. For some reason the topic came up of how step children are sometimes extremely rude to their step parents. I don't remember the exact story and I don't mean any disrespect but it stated a conversation and I loved SO's response.
Me - If I ever tired talking to my mom like that I would have been back handed.
Him - So would I and M / A had better never try that.
Me- If you ever allow the kids to treat me like that I'd be going toe to toe with you.
Him- I won't because then they ARE my kids.
It made me really happy that my partner understands that I expect certain things from his children and in turn him. He understands that I accept my role in helping to raise and shape them as long as he does his part.
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Comments
Having a good husband that
Having a good husband that backs you up goes a long way. DH already knows that I won't take disrespect and will end our marriage; I did it with my last one, and won't hesitate nearly as long the second time if push comes to shove.
Weak spouses that kowtow to their kids is the bane of any stepparent's life. A horrible, PASing other parent is bad, but manageable with a good spouse. Without that piece, all of it is a bother not worth enduring.
Agreed. I will not be made
Agreed. I will not be made miserable in my own home by a minor. Part of what I love about my partner is a truly believe he is a good parent. Not perfect but good. If he started to let stuff like that slide it would really change my view of him.
I dread PAS. So far it doesn't seem like BM has really attempted to do it. I can only hope she never does.
My DH is like this too. It
My DH is like this too. It took us a few situations to figure out what we each considered disrespect...and what we could have leeway on.
a child refusing to answer when spoken to, to dh, is a child being a child and should just be ignored.
a child refusing to answer when spoken to, to me, is rude. yes, child being child, but parents' job to address.
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I can't blame the ss for acting out sometimes - he's 4, that's what they do. If dad didn't address things as they came up, I would definitely lose respect for my dh, and he would quickly feel it. I also wouldn't shy away from making it clear that although he's fine with his balls in the toybox, I'm not... he doesn't need to address things in the way that I would - but he needs to address it. If ss is rude to me, and the only thing that happens is that dh makes ss apologize, I'm fine with that...because DH DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT, even if it's not an apology and a punishment.