If she doesn't believe in God, then telling her "Jesus first" is only going to alienate her. If you want her to listen and respect your advice, give it outside of religion. Most people who aren't religious roll their eyes at advice based on Faith.

Are your BSs also your DH's kids? I ask because there is only a decade of age difference between you and SD. You two are more peers than child/parental figure. Additionally, you were only a few years older than she is now when you had your oldest. If he isn't your DH's bio son, too, then it sounds hypocritical that you are telling her not to have sex when you were participating in the same behavior at a similar age.

Please note that I'm not judging you or your choices. I am trying to offer perspective. I don't think your SD is going to view you as a parent, ever. She isn't going to listen to your rules. You're just too close in age for that to happen, plus you haven't really been motherly toward her in the past.

If you want to be a positive influence on her life, try acting more like a big sister or aunt than mother. Don't punish or criticize; try to be supportive of good decisions and guide her towards better decisions when she is making bad ones. However, leave the actual parenting and discipline to her father. It will be useless coming from you.

Also, lay off the Jesus talk. Seriously, I was devout in my early teen years, but issues with my church greatly turned me away as an older teen. There were times I did things in spite of God and the church because I was angry and angsty. Using God as a basis for how you think she should live her life is only going to push her away from you and what you're trying to get across to her.

Lastly, read up on disengagement. I think, overall, that is your best bet.

Good luck.

I have thought TONS about how I'm going to talk to my skids when it gets to that point... SD8 was had when BM was 16... Not a good situation... Since then BM has refused to grow up. DH tried to step up and support her (cuz he's a good man and tbh felt like he had ruined her life, I told him it takes two to tango... And since we found out later she did it on purpose so he couldn't leave her... Twoto tango, but doesn't help when one is planning it. Since then she was unfaithful the entire marriage, a lot of it with the girls at home. And when she saw the girls regularly, she was introducing them to a new man every few weeks as her "special friend" and their "stepdaddy."

ANYWAYS. Backstory isn't important. Ultimately when you tell a kid no, particularly a teenager, they want to do the opposite, and ultimately, you only have so much control no matter how hard you try. I saved myself for marriage, it was my choice. They have to make choices for themselves as well. All you can do is talk to them. Have a chat with her about her goals and ambitions. She sounds a bit wild, it might get her thinking about the future, she sounds so focused on the now. Bring up the reality of having a kid as a teenager. How hard it is. Just be open and have a discussion. I know most teenagerskind of just shut off if it turns into a lecture. Particularly with my role as a SM I've learned how much it sucks to feel judged. I'm sure she feels the same. Be firm about house rules, but don't be so harsh you push her away. It sounds like you care about her, so help her feel that when you discuss it, because if she feels you're just judging her, she's not going to be receptive and is probably going to make the choices you see her making for a long way into the future.

That was really gracious of you to insist that she can come back home to you and your husband house. This has to be incredibly hard on you. Keep consistent that she needs to follow the house rules. Best of luck, because I know this isn't easy.

Hang in there.

When I read this my first thought was boyfriend's parents were overly optimistic if they thought girlfriend would move in and they wouldn't have sex. Teen hormones rule.

Second thought. Get this girl to a doctor and have birth control implanted. She's 17. She will have another boyfriend after this one.

This girl can have a future, but her dad, DH, needs to step up. He needs to help her get into a GED program, and then keep encouraging her to attend.

Your husband physically abused you and made your kids and sd watch as he abused you. Then he try to hurt your sd (well take an aggressive step towards her), when she was trying to make him stop abusing you.

Reading your last blog males me fear for your children. He hurt you and it seems like he try to hurt his daughter before you interfere. He may have no qualms hurting your kids. I hope you did or doing anything in your power to keep them safe.

Your dh is not a good dad. Not to your sd or your bio kids.

Edit:
I normally do not advise this. But you should leave your husband. Gather whatever financial record you can find. Take your kids and your belongings and leave. Look for a shelter or stay with family if they can help you. Just leave and don't look bad.