Update finances, BM, etc.
DH finally talked to BM about getting the house out of his name. Of course she wanted to know why the rush? Why now? I guess 5 years isn't long enough time for her. He explained to her that we can't own anything together as long as they are tied together financially. She gave him the sob story that she can't afford to refinance and she would have to sell the house and the skids would lose their childhood home. Didn't stop her from taking a $10K vacation this year! Also the skids lately have been too busy to spend the night on DH's weekend so she told him he should take them anytime so now he has weekends set up that aren't "our" weekend and I don't really know what weekend they will be coming over now. I hate this because I like to schedule trips to visit mine too. The schedule is officially out the door it seems. I hate they the two of them discussed this and today he called skids and asked them to come this weekend without making sure we didn't have anything going. I will get over it I guess though right? The other thing was she discussed health care with him. He covers it and he agreed to paying till they couldn't be covered any longer. That's 26! One is 15 so that's 11 more years. That's about it for my update.
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First off....I have been
First off....I have been there done that. My DH used to agree to ME watching the SS's while BM was busy. I put a stop to that pretty quickly. However, in this case, it seems he is going to be there to take care of them. And although it would be nice to be given a heads up, it really doesn't have to affect your time or schedule. If you want to see your kids, go see them. Does DH have to go with you? Do you have to stay home and be with his kids when they are around? I learned early on to leave DH along with my SS's whenever I had the opportunity. If I had my BS, I would take him and go do something just the two of us. If I didn't have him, I would go do something I enjoyed.
Again, I get it. I hate when the kids come at unexpected times. But don't feel like you are chained to them or your DH. Get out and do your own thing.
And finally....The Insurance thing is really not a big deal or something for you to stress over. Your DH can tell BM anything he wants. There is nothing legally binding him to keep the Skids on his insurance until they are 26. Once they get their own careers, they can provide their own insurance. Or he can cut them off when they are emancipated. Nothing BM will be able to do about it.
Did they include any
Did they include any references to the house in their divorce document?
That seems ridiculous that BM is not the sole owner of the home after five years. If she doesn't make her payments that will impact DH's credit.
Of course, if he's still listed as an owner, could he put it up for sale on his own?
Also, I hear you on the scheduled weekend thing. I schedule any non-kid trips or other things for DH and I exclusively on weekends when he does not have the kids. BM loves to try to change her weekend at the last minute. It drives me nuts. DH is not her babysitter. Unless it's a family funeral, she knew about these "events" in advance and doesn't need to make a last minute change.
We went through the schedule
We went through the schedule mess early on and finally fixed it. Now it's this again. It's their way or he doesn't see his kids. Even though they are older DH gets depressed if they don't stay with us. We see them during the week at their sporting events but he wants tohave them for full weekends which I get but it has to be at their convenience. As far as the house, the divorce decree said she was responsible for all expenses related to it but they didn't spell out a time frame for her to get it all done. She quit paying on it. She was 7 months behind at one point. She let the 2nd mortgage go into foreclosure which was in his name. His credit is in the tubes because of her. It would be nice to try to build it again but he's still tied to her. I won't put his name on anything because of it.
Oh man, I feel ya. BM in my
Oh man, I feel ya. BM in my story just recently moved out of their former residence, left a huge mess, and had the nerve to poor mouth to people in our community about her need for storage containers, because the placed she moved in to is "so small", asking for donations to help her out as a single mom. Because the 80k she is getting from his retirements this month isn't going to cover the rubbermaid.
This group of extended friends (we live in a small community) has been through thick and thin together, and many have asked for help from each other over the years--meal trains, housing referrals, etc, but no one has ever asked for money. These ladies have supported each other through cancer, abusive exes, you name it. And guess who is flying out to Nashville (across the country from here) to attend a friend's wedding in three weeks?
Wonder how many rubbermaid containers that airplane ticket would buy?
^^This^^ Ugh 8 years
^^This^^ Ugh 8 years post-judgment and 3 court appearances and we are going back again. I've stepped back from the whole situation (much better for my mental health) but have also said I will not marry you until this is taken care of. We'll see if post-judgment court appearance #4 works any miracles.