cell phones
About 18 months ago, after a sh$t show of a mediation, DH got a clause added to their parenting plan that he and BM only speak on the phone when there is an absolute emergency. After that he got his sons (both 10) cell phones. They didn't use them for the first few months because he just got them cheap flip phones and they couldn't see the point of a phone that could only make calls. For their 11th birthday, he got them iPhone 4s. They loved them and in the beginning would text DH (or at least respond to his texts) and answer his calls. Fast forward to over a year later and although they carry their phones with them all the time and text their friends and BM all the time, they do not respond to DH's texts and don't answer the phone when he calls. He's told them a couple of times that if they don't plan to use their phones, he'll just cancel them. They then whine and cry and say "no, Dad, we use them. We'll call you." They never do. One of them even spends nearly his whole weekend with us (he's with us EOWE) calling and texting BM. It's so annoying to me. We are paying $90 a month for them to have phones and they can't even answer when their dad calls? The one who calls his mother all weekend, but can't even be bothered to respond to a text from his father certainly knows how to call when he wants to ask for something. If DH doesn't answer right away, he calls me to ask "where's Dad?" as if DH is supposed to drop everything and answer her (even though DH has told him that he can't take phone calls at work). There is apparently an app that locks a child's phone if they don't reply to a parent's text. I told DH he should install that on their phones. That will teach them, if they ever figured out why their phones were locked.
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Comments
If I was your DH I'd take
If I was your DH I'd take them and/or cancel them. Contrary to popular belief teens don't NEED cellphones and they definitely don't need smart phones. If they can't show respect to the person that provides this LUXURY to them then the Privilage should get taken away. If DH wants them to have a phone, they can go back to he "dumb" phones. Preferably the ones where the parents program only certain numbers that can be contacted into them.
They aren't even teens, so
They aren't even teens, so they definitely don't need the phones. When they complain that their iPhones are old, I want to say to them "you don't even need a phone, let alone an iPhone, so stop complaining that your phone is "old" and be happy with what you have."
My DH made it ABUNDANTLY
My DH made it ABUNDANTLY clear to OSS that he would take his phone if he ever pulled crap of not answering him, racking up fees, etc. Hasn't happened yet, but DH reminds OSS that it's always a possibility.
Your DH needs to take the phones or cancel the data for them. He could also just take the phones from them on their weekends there. Until the kids have a consequence to their behavior, they are going to keep on keeping on.
Suspend their plan and let BM
Suspend their plan and let BM get them phones, they still won't answer his calls or text him, but now it's no longer on your dime.
She didn't block him, but DH
She didn't block him, but DH thinks she might "restrict" their use of the phones when they are with her. Ironic, since she calls them all the time when they are with us.
Last night he sent a text to both kids saying that if they weren't going to take his calls, he'd cancel their phones and they were of course, incredulous...but didn't call in response to that.
As long as he doesn't follow
As long as he doesn't follow through on his threat they will not change their behavior. I have a feeling this is not the only area where he makes idle threats of consequences and then fails to follow through. They know not to believe what he says.
I'm trying to get myself to
I'm trying to get myself to that place. I find it so rude that they don't respond to their dad, especially because when their mother calls when they are with us, they answer right away. The one who never answers or replies is the one who talks to his mother all.the.time when they are with us, so I really, really want to tell him how rude he is, but I don't.
Once, DH said something to them about how he was upset they didn't answer his calls, that one said "well, do you want us to call you, Dad?" in a tone that implied he felt he was being criticized. I said "of course, your dad wants you to call him on the phone, he didn't get you those phones so you could talk to your friends."
Sort of had it out with DH
Sort of had it out with DH last night about this. I asked if he talked to his kids and he showed me the calls he made yesterday and the texts he sent that went unanswered. I told him I thought it was really rude and I was annoyed that we were paying $80 a month for phones that only seem to get used to call / text their friends or call / text their mom when they're with us.
He responded, "I feel like you're punishing them." I was like, "well, if they aren't going to use them, then I don't feel like it's worth paying for them."
I'd take the phone away from
I'd take the phone away from them when they're with DH. The purpose of the phone was so that they could talk when they were apart... no need for it when they're together... if they piss and moan about it claiming they need it to talk to their moooommmmyyyyyy, DH can tell them that mommy can buy one for them, then, because HE bought those so they could talk to HIM, but since they don't talk to him when they're at mom's, why should they use the phones HE bought them to talk to mom when they're at his house? She can buy them phones if they only use it to talk to them.
FWIW - the plan I have for my kids (and myself) is 120$ a year, includes unlimited texting, 50 daytime minutes (for the year... ugh) and "free" (as in doesn't use minutes) calling minutes after 6pm until 6am, and weekends... I don't have data on any of the phones, but they do all connect to wifi, so when home, it's online. It costs me 480$ a year, and I generally add a top up of 20$ to each line to a dd extra daytime minutes (for emergencies only!)... 560$ a year, works out to about 47$ a month total for 4 cell phones - 2 of those phones are iphones, and 2 are androids.
What provider is your plan
What provider is your plan under? DH bought into T Mobiles marketing ploy, so we started a family plan with T Mobile almost a year ago. Unfortunately, their claims of free phones were not quite true; the "complementary" merchandise they gave us was actually not complementary, but rather meant to cover the tax expenses they said we wouldn't be paying (now we're just paying for the supposed free stuff); and we have terrible service at our new house.