I don't know whats going on in my step child's head
I got married 2 months ago. My husband has an 11-year-old girl.
She was 5 when we starting dating. And 8 when they moved in with me.
My husband dated her mom in high school and a year after they fell pregnant. She left him for an another man who she had a 4-year-old daughter with and they also split up and she is currently between boyfriends.
In the beginning of the relationship with myself and step daughter, she use to ask me to pretend to be her mom. When her mom heard of this she started doing things with her daughter, my step daughter is now very protective of her mother and I feel like she doesnt want to have a relatiosnhip with me because she feels like she's betraying her mom.
She doesnt speak about her feelings and often says she doesnt knowhow she feels or that she's fine.
Everytime we speak about something she brings up her mom side of the family randomly.
I know that her mom is jelous and discusses adult topics with her and It's just driving me craxy wondering what she really feels. She isnt keen to hold my hand or lay by me or altely do anything wheere its me and her alone.
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Yes, it's quite likely she
Yes, it's quite likely she feels like she is betraying her mother. Once the BM got wind of her calling you Mom, BM got jealous and decided to be a better mother.
Back off and let SD do what she's comfortable doing. If she doesn't want to hold you hand, don't force the issue. If she doesn't want to do things alone with you, don't push.
The bottom line is that SD has a mother and a lot of those biomothers are jealous and will make their children feel bad if they "betray" BM by liking the SM. BioHo (my skids' BM) even accused her children of "loving me better, boo hoo hoo". Pfffft. I have NEVER tried to be 'Mom'. I my DH's wife.
If your step daughter is now
If your step daughter is now feeling protective of her mother and like she is betraying her, BM has probably said something to make her feel that way. Nothing you can do about that. You can tell your SD that you are not trying to replace her mom, but you are another adult in her life that cares about her.
You can just be the nice lady that her dad is married to.
Have you explained the
Have you explained the concept of a step mom to her? Tell her that now you and her dad are married some people would call you her step mom and that step mom's do not replace mom's but do help their husband's to look after their kids. The role is different to being a mom even though it is confusing because the word mom is in both terms.
I know it took a while before we introduced the term stepmom to my sd but I think things started to make sense for her once we did.
Therapy can help. I'm not
Therapy can help. I'm not saying she needs excessive help but being able to talk with someone will help her sort things out.