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Dh isn't the father

Ramblin's picture

Submitted by Ramblin on Thu, 08/03/2017 - 7:56am

We knew the test would say that but dh took it pretty hard when the results came in. The other guy is the father and he called dh. He wants to have his own visitation of every other weekend and after a year move to 50/50 custody. He is going to pay bm child support. First though he has to get transferred or find a job here, sell his house, uproot his wife and her kid and set up life here. Apparently new daddy has low sperm mobility and after years of trying with wife they gave up so ss is the answered prayer for him. Dh asked what his wife thought and new daddy said she already loved ss. Excuse me while I barf. Dh has been asking me how she can already love ss and I can't after being his sm so long. I told him I love the kid but I don't really like him or his mom and listed the reasons why. Anyway, this guy seems pretty well off and he sounds like he is going to push this. I wonder if it's worth the time or money for dh to even try and keep his parental rights or just turn them over now and save the hassle? I imagine the dude with the paternity test will have more rights then dh now. What do you guys think?

Comments

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Thu, 08/03/2017 - 8:15am

What a cluster. I hate that women do this to men and children. And of course the "new" SM lurvvssss SS, she's met him like what? once?? She'll be here bitching in 6 months about how it totally sucks that she and her H couldn't have any kids, but she "inherited" a SS and a ho bag BM out of the blue.

I do feel bad for your DH. You can't just turn off your feelings. I can't imagine if someone suddenly told me BS7 was not my kid and I might possibly never see him again. Sad

Ramblin's picture

Submitted by Ramblin on Thu, 08/03/2017 - 8:27am

She has never met him. They have only talked on Skype. Ss was supposed to go meet them but dh put his foot down till the test came back. Now he really doesn't have a say and ss loves to tell dh now, your not my dad. It's sad. Yuck

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Thu, 08/03/2017 - 9:15am

Anotherstep don't you think
Ramblins husband can request tpr AND bio dad can 'adopt'. crazy as it sounds.

Next Ramblin at least your DH knows the truth now. Some men are lead into believing this sh** for 20plus years hundreds of thousands of dollars wasted in court post divorce AND child support/college/medical care costs for some other mans child.

WOMEN should be held accountable and made to pay back the poor guy, no pun intended.

Question how did you find this out, didn't anyone throughout the years say THIS BOY does not look like dh?

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Thu, 08/03/2017 - 9:21am

correct me if I'm wrong, not sure if it's in UK or USA....

but there's a case where the father disputed paternity after a couple of years, not the BM... the father wanted to get out of paying CS.... DNA tests showed clearly that this man can not be the father of the child, but seeing his name was on the birth certificate the judge ruled.. sorry you are the father you still have to pay CS,

This could work for your husband as well in regards with visitation... his name is on the birth certificate, the bio Dad will loose the court case... DH will still be know as SS legal Dad..

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Thu, 08/03/2017 - 1:48pm

Dang...if only I'd have *picked* some rich NBA player to be my kids daddy.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Submitted by Dontfeedthetrolls on Thu, 08/03/2017 - 10:29am

Because no court would order that he gets back child support. During those years he "enjoyed the privilage" of being the kids father.

Now this can get fuzzy really quick. No matter what he wants to do he needs to contact a lawyer. If he wants to fight to keep his parental rights or if he wants to terminate them.

He needs help to keep them that's easy to see.

On the other end dad's who have been proven not to be the blood parent have still been required to pay for the child. If BM and BD wanted to be crooked enough they'ed never establish the "real" father's rights legally. They could force your DH to keep paying for the kid and maybe even terminate his rights to see the kid. At that point whatever "real" dad and BM work outs between them but in an extreme case your DH could end up paying for a child that is not his and that he doesn't got get the rights to see.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Submitted by GhostWhoCooksDinner on Thu, 08/03/2017 - 1:46pm

I'm so sorry that happened, both for your DH and your SS. My DH went through the same thing with his younger son. The kid was 8 when he kept telling DH, "Mom says you're not my dad so I don't have to listen to you." DH confronted BM, who admitted (quite proudly, might I add) that her current DH is actually SS's biological father, and testing confirmed that. She KNEW for almost NINE YEARS, and let both DH and SS believe a lie. DH planned to not change things at all as far as being SS's father went, but SS had more and more psychological issues as a result of BM's &*^kery and DH gave up his parental rights and let SS's SF...I mean, biological father...adopt him. It's not what he wanted to do, and he agonized over it, but a second and third opinion with psychologists and psychiatrists determined it to be in SS's best interest, so he let him go. He was so PASed by that point he was barely coming over anyway. DH had a long talk with SS and let him know that he will always consider him his son, as much as OSS, and if he ever wants a relationship with him in the future, he'd be open to that.

It was heartbreaking all around. BM even changed SS's NAME at the age of 9 so he'd have a whole new identity separate from DH, just to twist the knife. We haven't seen SS in over three years now, so we have no idea how he's doing, but I can only imagine what kind of crap he's been through with BM and her idiot "D"H as parents.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Submitted by GhostWhoCooksDinner on Fri, 08/04/2017 - 2:37pm

She was married to DH when the kid was born, as she was cheating on him with her now-DH. Apparently they had been "friends" for years, and he was married to someone else at the time as well. She married this guy ONE MONTH after she and DH divorced, and that's when the PAS started.

That, and she's a selfish bitch who doesn't care who she hurts as long as everything is her way.

mommadukes2015's picture

Submitted by mommadukes2015 on Thu, 08/03/2017 - 3:01pm

Wow. I'm so sorry for all of you going through this. I hope your BM feels like dirt. BM1 hid SS12 from SO for 3 years and when it suited her to do so, she let him in on her little secret. She had SS calling another man Dad and only when BM wanted to LEAVE that man, she started sniffing around SO (her ploy did not work-SS was SO's but he didn't take BM too). There is a special place in hell for women like that.

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Fri, 08/04/2017 - 7:59am

It sounds like your DH is the only one who wants to continue this farce. It's going to hurt but he needs to give him up because it's just going to cost a fortune for him to fight and then they'll just encourage the kid to do what he wants anyway. The kid is already bursting at the seems waiting for the green light to go meet his new dad and family. BM probably opts for the new guy because if he's well of that means an increase in child support and well the new guy has no idea what he's about to get into. Time for your DH to bow out gracefully and make sure the kid knows he loves him and is welcome back when he is ready. The kid will eventually be back. You don't just walk away and lose all connections with someone who raises you for ten years.