Custody change
In your experiences, what situations have qualified to change a custodial arrangement that has been in place and working effectively for all parties for eight years?
BM is beginning new legal proceedings, claiming that she wants her sons to stay with her during the school week. She has told them that the only way she'll keep them in the district they've been in since kindergarten is if they stay with her during school weeks (blackmail- making them choose between her and their father).
She is going to, I believe (haven't gotten the court doc yet) cite alienation as the reason she wants custody changed. An undiagnosed narcissist, she projects everything that she does onto DH and while he is not perfect at dealing with fallout from this maniac, he addresses concerns his children have in a pretty empowering way- gives them advice such as "control what you do and say", etc....
Since she moved to this town in time for them to start school (DH did not contest her move, though we assumed that we would be the more consistent part of their family- they have siblings with us, we have lived in the same place and don't plan to move), she has moved twice and will be moving again this summer. She alienates, has since the beginning, and shares too much information constantly- yesterday SStwinB12 texted DH that among other things, she was meeting with her lawyer on "...only three hours of sleep thanks to [their] father and how awful he is...". Just last week SStwinA begged him to come get him because she was calling him "fat", threatening him, etc. She really seems to be losing her grip lately. We meet with the lawyer this morning.
Do you STers think that she has any chance of altering custody, based on your experiences?
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Their attendance and grades
Their attendance and grades are excellent (my word I sound like BM) but really- they're both doing well in school, they play a sport and a musical instrument, they're fine. Their behavior at BM's house is awful- there is always drama and they're always having things taken away. Of course she blames their behavior all on DH. Their behavior here is annoying but they have gotten their fighting under control and I'm pretty sure that the stuff they do is characteristic of 12-year-old boys and twins at that. They are super-annoying! But so are my 11- and 13-year-old!
i don't know how much her
i don't know how much her possibly implying PAS would affect a judge w/o actual documentation. i'd be curious to see if you could get it into mediation first without going straight to a judge. a judge may have varying opinions on what "stability" means for the kids - it could be same school, same friends/activities, OR same family, same house, etc. it would be up to what the judge feels carries more weight for kids that age.
do you guys live in the district where they are currently schooled? if not, do they have kids in your neighborhood they hang out with or have played sports with or against throughout the years?
ETA - what's her employment situation and reasons for moving around so much?
We live in a town about 17
We live in a town about 17 miles from hers. They do have plenty of friends and routines here. Thanks, Tuff.
Cross your fingers for a good
Cross your fingers for a good judge and not a BM pro one...
I don't think she will simply get it, I will get counselors involved for the children so that they can be heard as well... and well with her moving so much... doubt she will be successful...but then again I'm not BM supporter
"Have the boys refused to
"Have the boys refused to spend time with her? Are they skipping visitations or cutting them ridiculously short? Has your DH told her that he won't send the kids to her? Have the kids been texting her saying they hate her, don't want to spend time with her, calling her an awful parent, etc?"
They share custody- straight 50/50; they have never refused to go see her although SStwinA has said he doesn't want to go at times- he always goes though.....DH has never refused to send them.....and from what I understand, things can be pretty awful at her house. They both broke out of a window a few years ago and tried to "run away" and since then haven't done anything like that. But they are both mouthy and they don't back down when she's on a tear. They are, I think, seeing her for what she is and what she does, based on her erratic and extreme behavior.
I will check with the district on your second paragraph questions. Thank you Rosalu!