Summer = more overnights. Here comes the anxiety and panic.
So this week starts more skid visitation because of summer, including weeknight overnights. I already feel the anger and rage simmering below the surface. I dread it and then I am mad that I dread it because this is something I need to come to terms with. We have come too far in our relationship to have the skids set us back due to arguments and miscommunication.
I already told DH that my bedroom is my sanctuary and I will not have the skids laying in bed watching a movie with him or thinking it is their domain during the week. I really wish we had a house so there was space for everyone. This apartment life with 2 kids makes me feel like I am suffocating. Last week I drove around for 2 hours until they left.
I am thinking of rearranging their shared space (pretty large room) to somehow create more privacy for each skid. I don't know. Any way to get them to stay in there more. Maybe a divider? They are way too old to even share a room but it is what it is for now.
Will I ever accept that these kids exist?
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Is it a bedroom they
Is it a bedroom they share?
https://www.gumtree.com/p/other-household-goods/b-and-q-karalis-room-div... <-- you can make this with pallets if your husband is adept enough.
Thanks guys I like these
Thanks guys I like these ideas.
I know exactly how you feel
I know exactly how you feel AJanie. DH has had the skids for almost a month now and thank god they go back to BM's on June 30th. I have a four bedroom house and YSS thinks that the living room and big TV is his domain and it is really annoying. DH doesn't make him sleep in his own bed so if anyone wanted to watch TV they would have to deal with YSS sitting or sleeping there. I feel sorry for you being in an apartment with skids. How often are your skids going to be coming over for the summer? I leave a lot in the evening so DH can spend some alone time with the skids and I can have some sanity. I am ready for these kids to go home and I am counting the days which is only 3 more days and then it goes back to EOW.
They do a full week during
They do a full week during the summer, thank God no longer than that. Then it is Tuesday AM overnight until Weds AM and EOW... however there are definitely more days thrown in (whenever queen BM feels like dropping them off). DH is still only working part time side jobs until his WC case ends (hopefully in this lifetime) so he has the time to spend with the kids.
It is a large apartment with 2 full bathrooms, but SS and SD are too old to share a room and so like your SS, he sits in the living room, falls asleep there, etc or tries to hang out in my room with DH - which enrages me.
I like things my way at home. I don't know.
I completely feel for you.
I completely feel for you. So does your DH let the skids come into your room to watch movies often? I think a lot of times these skids feel like they can do whatever they want because we came after them and don't realize that we are adults and they have to respect that. I know in my experience my skids don't like the fact that there is some rules now that wasn't set in place before like not coming into our room without knocking and they are not allowed in our room at all without permission. YSS walked into our room one time when DH was on top of me because DH just used to let him walk into the room whenever he wanted before I came along and I said that wasn't going to fly.
DH definitely set that
DH definitely set that precedent. Before we lived together he had a tiny place so skids would often be in the bedroom watching TV.
Oh no- I had to quash the
Oh no- I had to quash the "camping out in front of Dad's big TV with surround-sound theatre speakers" and DVD player, and would bring out his xbox. We got him a nice TV for his room & I made clear that our living area is not for SS to sleep in or camp out in. The house was mine alone before DH moved in; SS disrespects some of our rules but quickly learned that our home was diff than BM's in that we do not have entertainment blaring 24/7.
i totally understand. we
i totally understand. we were in a 2-bed, 1 1/2 bath for quite a while with eowe, then 50/50 for several years, followed by full custody. 3 boys in one 10x10 bedroom. 5 people, one shower. we spent one year, three months like that before we were able to find a more accommodating place.
it was ROUGH.
no suggestions, but i completely understand how you feel.
That must have been HELL.
That must have been HELL.
It is good to commiserate. DH doesn't get it. Don't get me wrong, after a couple days he is fed up, too, but he is more accepting (obviously.) I start to feel like I am losing my mind!
Oh I can totally related.
Oh I can totally related. For some reason, our BM feels the need to totally ignore YSS11 so she can concentrate her whole focus on MSS and his sports. She pawns YSS off on DH and I, friends, anyone who will take him. And although I do feel bad for YSS, It doesn't mean I want my entire summer spent dealing with him.
BM just came to pick YSS up at 10:30 pm sunday night. She was too busy spending her time with MSS to come bother with YSS. AND she had OSS in the hospital after surgery. She managed to squeak about 30 minutes with OSS at the hospital before she managed to pick YSS up. I know she was hoping we would just say "never mind, just let him spend the night here". Umm Hell no. I had my fill and I wasn't about to let her off the parenting hook again.
We had him Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat and Sunday. I only get Monday off and he comes back again for three freaking days. I am about to lose it.
Very similar situation - BM
Very similar situation - BM adores SD and prefers to always be with her, but SS she couldn't care less. I wouldn't be surprised if eventually we have full custody of him.
I totally get the anxiety and
I totally get the anxiety and panic mode at the thought of skid and summer visitation, AJanie. Good for you for setting firm boundaries to have a sanctuary.
Skid is here for (at least) 8 weeks in the summer. 8 FREAKING WEEKS!
After repeatedly showing their complicit asses when it comes to BM's wants/needs/demands, I told my DH and his parents that they could figure it all out amongst themselves.
Thank goodness I work from home; juggling two toddlers around work isn't easy. I've fully embraced being a jerkface and saying "Nope! No can do."