Cell Phones...Father's Day....SS asking me for everything.

I know strange title for this blog but it is about a few things.

1. I think the future in-laws mentioned to SS8 about getting a cell phone again and they would pay for it. SO does not want his son to have a cell he is way too young and I agree. This was brought up at dinner on Sunday when we had all the parents over and his sister to celebrate Father's Day! They said they would do so they could get a hold of SS8. They can call my SO or even me it is not like I won't give him the phone to talk.

2. Father's day was good I got my SO a gift and a card that SS and I both signed. The gift was also for his birthday which is in a few days. It was something that him and SS8 could do together. His dad and my stepdad came over it was a big happy family meal. It was really nice and pretty great.

3. SS asks me for everything since we moved in. Permission to have a snack, permission to have more at dinner, "ashmar I forgot my towel.", to go outside and play, everything. No clue why because SO is right there next to me. I say ask Daddy or SO will just go do it even though SS asks me. Any thoughts or opinions to why he does this? Before we moved in he always asked his dad for things like this.

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Cell phone for an 8 yo so his

Cell phone for an 8 yo so his grandparents can call him? I don't see that as a necessity. They can call your SO or even you. If it was when he was living with them and they wanted it for coordination reasons, that would have been different.

I wouldn't have signed the father's day card his son gave him.. he's not your dad.

Since skid thinks this is your home and he views you as in charge, he is asking the person in control. I am fairly certain that before you were around his parents were the ones who he asked (you weren't there, so you don't know how it was).

I hope SO made it clear - SS

I hope SO made it clear - SS will not have a cell phone, over and done with

Regarding SS asking you everything, keep it that way, he sees it as your house and not his Dad's... imagine it being differently and SS ignoring you or telling you it's not your house feff off

LOL my SO is very involved

LOL my SO is very involved with his son... he does the brunt of the parenting - but the kid still comes and asks me for stupid stuff.

I think it might have to do with logistics... he's in the garage 'helping' SO with something... and will come inside to ask me for a drink instead of asking his dad for a drink. Or maybe he asked his dad, and his dad said to give him a minute... and then kid comes in and just asks me.

But, I'm generally in the kitchen. I'm fairly certain if it was one of my kids in the kitchen, he'd ask them.

Same with food... I'm usually the hands that feeds... so to speak... I cook... so I plate up and call the kids to dinner... I think it's just that the kid associates me with providing food/water, and his dad 'does stuff' with him.

As for other stuff - kid sometimes asks me for stuff... but I think that's because he sees my kids ask me for stuff... whatevs.

He might just ask you because he associates you with food.

Yeah I can see that. My SO is

Yeah I can see that. My SO is the one that has done all the cooking lately not me. He works nights so he cook dinner when he gets up so it is ready when I get home. Just finding it odd is all. I do not totally mind it.

Oh man last night after working all day, coming home and doing a few things in the house I was tired and I finally sat on the couch with SO and SS yells "ash" can you wash my shorts for tomorrow I do not have any clean ones left. His dad was sitting right there next to me. SO got up and put a load of laundry in just like he use to.

lol.... at least your SO does

lol.... at least your SO does it lol

My skids ask me because they

My skids ask me because they know I'm in control. Probably why your SS is asking you. He just has to get used to the new environment.

As to the cell phone. No way. Too young and it's not like your SO and his parents don't have a good relationship. They can just call him and ASK to speak to the kid.

I agree on the cell phone

I agree on the cell phone thing. I am assuming someone brought up again this weekend to SS. SO and I suck at answering our phones but if we see a missed call or a text asking for SS to call them of course we would do it.

They crazy and I am guessing having issues letting go.

I just signed it. Who cares

I just signed it. Who cares no big about the card.

How am I more of a parent? I am at work all day, SO is picking him up from daycare and cooking for him and making sure he gets a shower, playing with him. I am not doing anything special or even half of what my SO does.

I clean a lot but that is just me being me and OCD.

It does matter what I think about the cell phone to some extent because it would be in the house that I live in and I pay for. So yeah I get to set some rules as well. I do not want to hear another cell phone going off or hearing the kid crying cause he lost it or it got broken. So yeah I get some say as I pay bills.

It does matter what I think

If your DH is ok with the kid having the phone.. it IS his call. Of course, you living in the home can ask that it be turned off or on silent during times when you would be bothered...like when you are trying to sleep at night.

As far as having to listen to whining if it's broken? Well, I would definitely make sure his grandparents knew that his father couldn't guarantee it would be taken care of and that he won't be paying for a replacement if it happens to get broken.

Now, if your DH wants to let him have the phone.. he can certainly insist it is kept in a central area...like the kitchen and can only be touched when his grandparents call..then put back in same place.

SO said months ago in front

SO said months ago in front of everyone his son is way too young for a cell phone. He does not want him having a phone. When it came up a dinner this Sunday as he is my SO, I backed him up. I mentioned after he said no there is no need for SS to have a phone as he is with us all the time or at daycare. So if anyone want to get a hold of him they can call our phones.

Again SO does not want him to have a cell phone until he is at least in middle school or even driving.

You are seriously delusional

You are seriously delusional and do not read anything. No we do not treat them like steps they are grandparents. I have never been treated like that by my SO this entire time so explain to me why it will change now.

They do not pay anything for this kid at all at this point. Yes they have bought him clothes here and there and bought him toys anything that normal g-parents do. SO has paid every single school lunch, daycare when he was little, medical bills, he has bought him clothes, shoes, food, yes g-parents also paid for food but they all lived together and ate the same things. My SO has never received a penny from the BM and has never wanted anything from her either.

Also they do not watch the kid anymore, he goes to daycare every single day. Yes we asked them to watch them saturday night because my cousin was getting married and and no kids were allowed. My parents were at the wedding with us. This was arranged a long time ago. That sounds like typical g-parents. They then asked to pick him up Friday and take him to a baseball game. Sure why not they offered. Oh so horrible. Yeah they are absolutely vetoed in every decision from here on out. They do not pay our mortgage or our bills or contribute anything so they get no say anymore.

You make it always seem like my SO is literally a piece of crap. I know better. Now he still pays for everything for his son. The only thing I pay is the mortgage because he put all the money down on the house. He said he would help pay the mortgage but I said no because as we are not married yet I only saw it fair we try to be equal on the house.

Drop it SO liked it and so

Drop it SO liked it and so did SS. They were both happy.

My DH took a night shift

My DH took a night shift position because it pays 20% more per hour than day shift. When you live close to the bone (and are the NCP), you do what you must to make ends meet.

Thank you! My future SIL gave

Thank you! My future SIL gave him a card and a gift for father's day. I thought it was sweet of her. His parents for years have never really appreciated him like that and I would know. I think it is nice that she did that for her brother all these years.

They are not the primary

They are not the primary caregivers. Hello kid lives in our house and SO is his dad. They have no legal custody or anything. They were never appointed legal guardians or anything.

People may get cards for

People may get cards for people that aren't their fathers but she signed the card that was supposed to be from his son. Personally, I think it would have been better to allow the kid to have his own card to dad. If she wanted to give him a card to tell him that she thinks he is an awesome dad.. on her own.. and separate.. that's fine.

I do think it's fine for her to have an opinion and to give her input to her SO, but he should be the one making the ultimate decision which may/may not agree with hers (though she does state he holds the same opinion).

They do not listen to SO at

They do not listen to SO at all. This was said no to months ago. I think a few things his parents still want to have some control over SS and show they have power. They did not call me or my SO at all this past week and ask to talk to SS. I think they are all struggling with not knowing every detail of SS's life anymore but that is just how things are going to be now.

Probably is the new thing.

As for the towel, it hangs on the back of the door and he can not reach it when he gets out of the shower, so instead of dripping all over the floor of the bathroom he yells for someone to grab it. We are fixing this we just have not gotten a towel rack for the wall next to the shower.

His dad went in and did it for him last night when he asked.

I was chief bottle/can opener

I was chief bottle/can opener for my SD's..especially the younger one. Basically because usually dad was driving... so I was the closest other adult.

I think both girls were

I think both girls were probably 12 or so when they stopped needing that assistance.

There are things that I do

There are things that I do not mind doing for him here and there. Like I have done his laundry and folded t and set it on his bed for him to put away. I was doing me clothes and did not have enough for a full load so I grabbed his and my SO's and just threw them in. Things like that do not bother me.

When SO is not around or outside no I do not mind grabbing him a glass of water. He can not reach them yet....we are getting a stepping stool soon.

That is a good idea. We have

That is a good idea. We have the flavor seltzer waters in the fridge he can get those himself, he only drinks one at night for dinner. He also grabs his own yogurt in the morning. he is pretty good with stuff like that. He picks out his clothes, he puts them away when they are left on his bed.

I suggested to my SO that maybe we should have him do chores and give him allowance. He is going to be doing weekly chores and at the end of the week he will get some money. My parents did it with me and taught me to save my money and be responsible. he does not do a chore he loses money.

Hopefully this works we will see. My SO really liked the idea and yes he is paying his son not me.

there are a lot of good ideas

there are a lot of good ideas on allowance and helping kids learn how to manage money.

I think teaching them how to manage, budget and save their allowance is important. Also give them ways to potentially earn "more" by doing extra over and above their normal chore load.

Say they get 20 dollars a month.

Perhaps 10 of that they are allowed to spend "today" as they wish on candy or a small toy or trading card etc...

Then, they have to put 5 dollars into their "gift fund" that is money they can use to buy family presents for things like father's day, mother's day, christmas and Birthdays.

Another $5.00 can go into long term savings for something they want that is a big purchase like a video game etc...

For extra money they get for birthdays etc.. I would probably make most of that go into the long term spending.. with only a small amount being allowed for instant gratification buys.

Also, extra chores for more money can come into play when they want to earn for a specific thing. Like going to a theme park and wanting spending money.

Thanks, That is a good break

Thanks, That is a good break down.

Remember, that just because

Remember, that just because GMa gets SS a cell doesn't mean it has to be used.

It can always be kept in the kitchen up in a basket on top of fridge. Only used when and if Dad or you say it can be. Example, maybe for kicks and giggles Dad let's kid use it on Sunday morning for 15 minutes to call and say 'hi' to grandparents. Or that is the day Dad lets kid sit at the kitchen table and text back and forth with Aunt What's Her Name.

That's about all kid contact they'd need otherthan normal contact that can and should (for an 8yr old) go through the parent.

Humor them, let kid have it if they foot the bill. Dad still boss and oversees any usage.

I get what you are saying I

I get what you are saying I really do but I know SO does not want it all. He was already pissed at them for getting his son a tablet for x-mas that had a data plan attached to it. Yes the g-parents pay for it but he went through and blocked it and made it wi-fi only. The thing is him and his parents area all on the same cell plan that they put the tablet on and would all share the data plan.

So my SO said no way he will eat through it and keep all the adults from being able to use their phones. SS never takes his tablet anywhere that does not already have wi-fi. SO is pretty strict with the technology and limits his son on it a lot.

This is me if I thought the g-parents were coming from a good place with it I would maybe talk to my SO but I think it is a control thing right now. They are so use to knowing every little detail about SS8 and now they don't. I think having clear boundaries is the way to move forward. When they were over for dinner my future MIL was trying to tell me how to arrange my house, what I should do with plants, started pulling all the weeds in the yard (that I did not mind too much). I just know they would talk to SS8 and say hey we want you to come for FL and see us you should come this week. They would talk to SS8 before my SO about it.

SO appreciates everything they have done and I appreciate things they do now too. There does come a time when they need to respect that SO is his father. My opinion only is that I think it needs to be clear from the beginning so that they do not continue to overstep.

My SO pays for his portion of

My SO pays for his portion of the plan and I think technically it is under his name at the main holder because he use to get a discount from his old job.

I let it go for now because they are moving soon so I will not have to deal with them. Sometimes things are just not worth saying anything about when you know there is an end in sight.

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Cell Phones...Father's Day....SS asking me for everything.

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