How Do I Talk to My DH About This?

Hey Stalkers.

So...anniversary was nice over the weekend. DH is very loving & sweet pretty much all the time. I wish I felt as happy in this marriage as he seems to...I really do.

My question today is - how would you approach your DH about changing the visitation schedule? Quick backstory. We're down to one skid (out of three) who still comes over. This year, instead of EOWE DH wanted to try to have one weekend and one during the week visit each month. I didn't get a say in this...or, he sent me the schedule and asked for my thoughts and then immediately dismissed all of my concerns and forged ahead with his plan. Here's the blog on that:

https://www.steptalk.org/node/234079

Well, here we are almost halfway through the year, and I hate the weekday visits even more than I was afraid I would. Like...hate, hate, hate them. They are totally disruptive to me in every way. My husband doesn't care as much because he works from home and doesn't typically have deadlines like I do. To me, the midweek visits completely throw off my weekday routine. I don't mind the weekend visits nearly as much because I naturally have a more relaxed attitude on the weekends. YSD comes today through Friday morning, for example, and I'm staring down 4 really big writing assignments this week and tons of meetings and phone calls. And DH wants to start a pretty restrictive detox diet tomorrow morning that we've been trying to start for a while. That's exactly what I want to do during an already stressful week...start a complicated diet and shop for and cook separate food for SD.

Oh yeah. And he hasn't contributed to the household account for May yet (waiting on a payment from a project he did last month), so any special SD groceries are coming out of my wallet.

Sorry. Just throwing a pity party for myself. Tempted to lay down the law and just tell him that I hate weekday visits and won't participate. Starting in June, if SD is here during the week, I will get a Priceline deal on a nice hotel room. Is that too bitchy? I really don't think I can do it anymore.

TwoOfUs's blog
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I know it sucks - my routines

I know it sucks - my routines were all flipped around too... but instead of resenting it, I changed my routines.

Don't cook separate food for your step, and don't get her special food - let your DH do it. Remind him he hasn't contributed for May yet, I mean... June is only a week away...even if he's waiting on payment, your landlord/bank won't wait for their cut.

You have work to do, so do it. Let them figure it out.

I agree with secret and I

I agree with secret and I don't think you removing yourself would be the end of the world. Work is work no mater where you work from. I don't think the expectation of you paying for and catering to your step daughter is fair.

My situation is that my husband is unemployed so all food comes from me, there for what I decide to buy and cook is what's for dinner. If anyone doesn't like it they can starve. I don't have the money to cater to multiple diets.

Edited to add: I gently explained to my husband that financially it isn't viable for me to cater outside of what I already do for us as a household. I agreed to take on every 2nd weekend with a sleep over for an extra person. I also agreed to cover 1 activity a month. Anything else outside of this is just not in my budget and I would not amend my budget to do more.

I don't know if it's the

I don't know if it's the expectation that I cater to SD, honestly. I just don't like to have people in my house and NOT care for them. DH actually does a lot of the shopping, etc. when SD is there...but I also don't like that because he spends way too much on treats and extras. I'd prefer to be proactive and avoid going broke during SD visits...so I guess that's part of it, too.

I really do just need to tell him that if he hasn't made any $$ for the month, he can't buy extras for SD. I'd like to say she can't come over, but that makes me feel like a real witch. Who knows, though. Maybe if I really made that rule and stuck to it, he'd be more motivated to make some money.

but yes - you have to talk to him and explain how disruptive it is