BM does this constantly. We might as well shred the court order because she creates a new schedule each week based on her needs.

DH's car needed repairs last week so he canceled week night visitation (it is a lot of driving for a 4 hour visit and BM refused to drop off or pick up.) So, she decided this week to make plans for the skids on his day, and not tell him until he was already on his way to get them from school... "since he canceled last week." The next day she decided she felt bad and dumped them off at our house at random.

If we dragged her back to court every time she blatantly disrespected our time, we would be living in a tent under a bridge.

SO and BM work things out between them pretty well IN GENERAL. The deal they have is that if it is BM day and school week, then SO will pick up Skid from school and drop her off, no matter if BM has work or is on vacation. He likes this because then he can spend a few moments with Munchkin SD10, and find out about her day, etc.

It is pretty one-sided, however, because SO is always shuttling skids around, no matter what. The eldest doesn't have permit or drive, and expects to have shuttle bus services at all times. BM, when she has been drinking, which is always, requires SO to do the pickups/drop offs at all tijmes.

I am very rarely needed to do shuttlebussing. BM doesn't go ANYWHERE, so she rarely intrudes on our schedule. The few times that I have, haven't been too bad. Except 2 weeks ago, SO went fishing, BM needed kids to be dropped off to visit grandparents, so I gear my morning around it and was almost out the door when I got notice of cancellation from SD18. BM is pretty rude and unappreciative.

"Not possible" is a perfectly acceptable answer.

Because I USED to help DH with pickup/drop-off of the skids. Twice, DH had to work a Friday on a skid weekend. At that time, he got off around 2am. I told DH that I would stay home and 'Ho could drop off the skids Friday instead of him having to pick them up on Saturday morning (AND drive them back home Sunday).

DH working Fridays became a semi-regular thing. BioHo expected me to ALWAYS be there on Fridays so she could drop off the skids and go party. She also asked DH several times if *SHE* could pick up the skids because 'Ho had something she HAD to do.

Nope. Not bloody happening. I am NOT 'Ho's beck-n-call-girl. The next time DH had to work on a Friday on the skid weekend, he said that 'Ho would be dropping off the skids at 4:30pm.
Me: Are you not working tonight?
DH: Uh, YES, I'm still working.
Me: Oh. Did you give the skids a key??
DH: Huh?? Nooooo... why do they need one??
Me: Because I won't be home.
DH: Where will you be?? They can't be here unless you are.
Me: I'm having dinner with my sister. She's really stressed.
DH: Can you pick them up on your way home?
Me: We'll be DRINKING. That is NOT a good idea.

The next couple of times DH had to work skid Fridays, he would ask if I was going to be home. Nope. Made plans. He stopped asking. BioHo resents it to this day.

I don't have to worry about this anymore, but there were 2 instances that occurred resulting in me absolutely refusing to "convenience" her

She NEVER did the driving, DH always went and picked up skids, and dropped them off. One day (early in our relationship) DH was supposed to pick up SK's. 30 min before he had to leave, his brother called asking for help with a flat tire (the helpless brother). DH asked me if I could pick SK's up while he helped his brother. I told him to call BM and let her know that I'd be there at 2pm. I got there, all the doors and windows were shut. I rang the door bell, stood, waited.... rang it again.... called their home phone, got no answer. Got in my car, drove back home. Mind you, it was less than a 10 minute drive. By the time I got home she had already called DH (from her home phone) screaming at him that I didn't pick up the SK's. I told DH I'd never do pick up again.

Another time - Friday night - BM calls DH at work to complain that she is *so* sick she needs the boys (13 years old at the time) to come to our house. DH calls me, and I'm getting ready to take my kids out for dinner and ice skating. I told him to tell her bring them over, I'll take them with us, but I'm leaving in 30 minutes. Of course, 30 minutes comes and goes so I leave (remember, she lived less than 10 minutes away) because I had already promised my kids. 2 hours later, DH gets a call that she's in our driveway and I'M NOT HOME... demanding an apology from me because now she can't.... be sick (my theory: she got invited to go out).

That was the end of me doing ANYTHING that made life easier on her.

Yes, NPD BM tried this once or twice with me in the early days, but I responded with a resounding silence and she didn't ever bother again. She still used to mess DH about on a regular basis with the schedule. I don't think we ever asked once in the 10 years that the SDs were coming EOW, for it to be changed - she asked about once every month or two.

BM used to pull this crap several times a week, back in the day when DH and I were just dating, and he and BM had a semi loose schedule.

But it was ridiculous.

Basically, every day began with a text informing DH who was going to pick up skid from school that day. If BM picked skid up, she'd have her a whole two hours, then want to drop her off with DH. DH would feed her and do homework with her. Then BM would pick skid back up around 7pm-ish for the night, but sometimes DH would get skid dropped back off again to put skid to bed at his house because BM "couldn't deal with skid right now". She was in 1st grade the at time and she couldn't handle her? But she could sure dictate the schedule day to day and expect to hand her off at a moments notice. It was pure hell back then. That's when DH was still jumping for BM when she said jump. Our lives and plans revolved around whether BM was good to spend time with her own child for more than a few hours, on any given day.

I actually felt sorry for skid back then.