Even if SD is there, there is no reason why you can't relax and enjoy your day. If your DH wants the big meal and big celebration, tell him to do it himself and that you're tapped out on big holiday extravaganzas!
Yes, I can panic when I find out SD17 will suddenly be with us.
Happened this year. BM always keeps the skids for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Too complicated to say why. So I always feel relaxed and happy, we can fashion our own holiday and be sure to have a good time.
But BM suddenly offered them to us this year. Instant panic. I knew I couldn't tell my dh he couldn't have his kids on holiday so I felt like I was in a vice. He offered to do the cooking so I wouldn't have to get my food insulted by SD17. No, thanks. I'd still have to sit there listening to her insult HIM, dominate the conversation, pick on her brother, and eat like a baboon.
I told him I would go volunteer at the soup kitchen. I encouraged him to take them, but I wouldn't be there. I sincerely meant it.
He would have none of that. So he figured out BM offered them to us because she got a new job and her days were different. So he counter-offered with a workaround where we got Thanksgiving Day to ourselves and then they arrived early Friday morning. That solved BM's problem and it solved mind. DH also came up with a similar workaround for Christmas that also solves everyone's problem.
So, yes, I totally get your sense of panic. Some of these skids are so bad they ruin any celebration. Yup.
I actually love when my stepkids visit. I actually get a few minutes to myself. They keep my husband entertained. I don't try to compete for his attention. I have him all of the time.
I think it is important for kids to spend time with just their parent. I know I enjoy spending time with just my kids and they enjoy spending time with just me. It stands to reason my husband and his children would feel the same way.
Let them have their covert conversations. Use that time to go ahead and relax and watch your movies. You can both get what you want out of the holidays.
" He said next year I want YOU and I to spend the holidays with SD." You know what I would've replied on this....
with a serious stupid looking expression, I would've said... Why I'm not her mother not her father... isn't it the parents responsibility to bond with their children and spend time with them?
I bet you he's not spending time with your son....
stop panicking, he gave you a year notice, you can give him a year to get use to the fact that you will not bond with SD, she's welcome to visit and stay for a week, but she will still behave and respect you and follow the house rules...
Comments
Even if SD is there, there is
Even if SD is there, there is no reason why you can't relax and enjoy your day. If your DH wants the big meal and big celebration, tell him to do it himself and that you're tapped out on big holiday extravaganzas!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes, I can panic when I find
Yes, I can panic when I find out SD17 will suddenly be with us.
Happened this year. BM always keeps the skids for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Too complicated to say why. So I always feel relaxed and happy, we can fashion our own holiday and be sure to have a good time.
But BM suddenly offered them to us this year. Instant panic. I knew I couldn't tell my dh he couldn't have his kids on holiday so I felt like I was in a vice. He offered to do the cooking so I wouldn't have to get my food insulted by SD17. No, thanks. I'd still have to sit there listening to her insult HIM, dominate the conversation, pick on her brother, and eat like a baboon.
I told him I would go volunteer at the soup kitchen. I encouraged him to take them, but I wouldn't be there. I sincerely meant it.
He would have none of that. So he figured out BM offered them to us because she got a new job and her days were different. So he counter-offered with a workaround where we got Thanksgiving Day to ourselves and then they arrived early Friday morning. That solved BM's problem and it solved mind. DH also came up with a similar workaround for Christmas that also solves everyone's problem.
So, yes, I totally get your sense of panic. Some of these skids are so bad they ruin any celebration. Yup.
I actually love when my
I actually love when my stepkids visit. I actually get a few minutes to myself. They keep my husband entertained. I don't try to compete for his attention. I have him all of the time.
I think it is important for kids to spend time with just their parent. I know I enjoy spending time with just my kids and they enjoy spending time with just me. It stands to reason my husband and his children would feel the same way.
Let them have their covert conversations. Use that time to go ahead and relax and watch your movies. You can both get what you want out of the holidays.
" He said next year I want
" He said next year I want YOU and I to spend the holidays with SD." You know what I would've replied on this....
with a serious stupid looking expression, I would've said... Why I'm not her mother not her father... isn't it the parents responsibility to bond with their children and spend time with them?
I bet you he's not spending time with your son....
stop panicking, he gave you a year notice, you can give him a year to get use to the fact that you will not bond with SD, she's welcome to visit and stay for a week, but she will still behave and respect you and follow the house rules...