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#1 So frustrated today-- with SO about SS18 graduation

always_anxious's picture

Submitted by always_anxious on Mon, 04/03/2017 - 3:16pm

For the last two months I have felt sorry for SS18. Neither his mother or his father have done anything to prepare for his graduation. SS18 ordered his own cap and gown. He didn't order announcements because he knew no one would pay for them. There's a big retreat where parents can write a nice letter to their child they open at the retreat. Neither parent will be doing the letter. A couple weeks ago I tried to go ahead and get involved with getting him announcements and Sr. Photos.

I'm just so frustrated that I'm doing this and neither parent is interested. I mean FFS?! And there's a big lock-in for the Sr class after graduation night and I know SO hasn't paid the fee's for SS to go.

Comments

always_anxious's picture

Submitted by always_anxious on Mon, 04/03/2017 - 3:22pm

I have no idea. I mean I get that he doesn't really know much of this. I don't think his parents did anything like this for him. But seriously He made a big deal about SS going to a better school and getting into college. I don't understand why he's being so weird. He has issues. That's all I can say.

bearcub25's picture

Submitted by bearcub25 on Tue, 04/04/2017 - 7:43am

He may feel that is for the 'Mom' to handle. No matter how I feel about raising SD full time, I don't let the school and important stuff like having the grad stuff the kid needs, or getting things turned in for my SDs band trip in a few weeks. And I'm mostly disengaged.

I consider it my good deeds that I am doing. My SD acknowledges that I'm the one that is there for the important stuff, and has voiced it to BM.

Good for you and I hope he appreciates what you are doing.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Submitted by Exjuliemccoy on Mon, 04/03/2017 - 3:27pm

Hello a.a. Miss you much!

I agree, that's so sad. WTH is wrong with those parents???

I stepped in and did the right thing when YSD graduated, even though she was a hellish pita. I made sure she had her cap, gown, yearbook, and Sr. trip to Disneyland. And I also paid for a four day Mexican cruise as a grad present. We've been estranged for eleven years and I have many regrets, but that's not one of them.

always_anxious's picture

Submitted by always_anxious on Tue, 04/04/2017 - 2:03pm

Hi! Your handle isn't familiar. Do you have a previous one??

I'm so glad you haven't regretted it. I really don't want to. I think I'm doing the right thing.

SM12's picture

Submitted by SM12 on Mon, 04/03/2017 - 3:44pm

That is so sad!!!! DH nor BM did anything much for my OSS's graduation last year. The part that really honked me off was BM sure as heck sent a text to DH asking for 1/2 of the Senior pictures and announcements. Come to find out, OSS didn't even get senior pictures taken. They cancelled his appointment to get them done and never rescheduled it. AFTER DH paid half. The did get announcements but ended up scheduling his party the weekend we were out of town on our yearly trip. AFTER they had it planned for a different date. They cancelled the original date and scheduled it for when we would me gone.
From my understanding, OSS had very few people there and didn't even stay at his own party long.
I was almost tempted to schedule OSS to get his own senior pics taken until I reminded myself that I cannot care more than the parents.

Livingoutloud's picture

Submitted by Livingoutloud on Mon, 04/03/2017 - 4:00pm

Does SS want any of it? We didn't do announcements or graduation party. I insisted on senior pics but DD didn't want those either. She just didn't care. My nephew is the same way. She didn't want to participate in college commencrmt either. I forced her. lol she is very very social so it's not any shyness ssue. Just not looking at any of this as a big deal. She only did things because i guilted her. Does SS want any of it?

always_anxious's picture

Submitted by always_anxious on Tue, 04/04/2017 - 2:04pm

He says he doesn't care. I know he does. All of his friends are doing the traditional HS stuff.

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Tue, 04/04/2017 - 4:06am

I don't feel sad for this SS, this kid can one day function on his own, you can't see it yet but his parents - sucking bastards not caring about this - is actually helping him more then what they know...

SS is an independent nice young man, who will come out on top of the world.

You should not change this, simply ask SS, Hon do you want a small graduation party with friends, we can have it here at home, I will do the catering if you want..... and you get him a small gift, from yourself, nice engraved pen or what ever.......

and nothing stops you from writing a "parent" letter for the retreat.

No need to try and do everything a parent should be doing... just write the letter, and offer a small grad party at home

always_anxious's picture

Submitted by always_anxious on Tue, 04/04/2017 - 2:05pm

You are right. He is going to be so independent. I could write a letter. I just feel weird. I think it should have come from his bio parents.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 04/04/2017 - 2:21pm

My wife has a lot of guilt feelings over SS's HS graduation. He flunked out of Military boarding school at the end of the first semester of his Sr. year so we brought him home and put him our local HS with the mandate that he graduate on time or we drop him off at the local homeless camp.

We dropped him off there for a couple of hours to meet his potential new neighbors on one occasion and that scarred the shit out of him so bad he was nothing but flying knees and elbows getting his work done to graduate on time. He actually graduated with honors.

His graduation was singularly a very anticlimactic experience for everyone. We flew my ILs out for his graduation and my parents came. No one from the SpermClan said shit for anything about it nor attended, and though we congratulated him and had cake and favors and celebrated his accomplishment except for my ILs everyone was pretty much disappointed.

Now almost 7 years later my bride gets a little misty eyed and depressed when we get a graduation announcement in the mail for a niece/nephew or friend's kid because of the retroactive guilt she feels over the Skid's graduation. At the time she was just as disappointed as everyone else was.

In every picture we have of his graduation pretty much everyone in the family has no smiles on their faces and it was obvious that we were all just going through the motions. She was looking through photos recently and noticed that there is not one picture of her and the Skid in his graduation pics. Of course I got nailed for that discovery.

No doubt your SS will appreciate that you have made and effort. I hope his graduation is a pleasant celebration. At least you will not have any guilt over his graduation down the road.