I am feeling a bit more positive lately and not because things are better with DH, because they aren't. He is still waiting on a court date to appeal the worker's comp situation - trying to settle. He is still depressed about not making money right now and his depression is making the home atmosphere heavy.

Despite that, I am pushing forward.

As I said before, I cut monthly costs.

Then I consolidated (and eliminated) some debt and was able to make MY monthly payments lower interest and more manageable - I paid up MY car taxes and also paid rent, (which is usually DH's job, but for the first time in 2 years I am covering.)

Then I was able to bring current a couple other bills. My (no interest!) credit card hasn't been used in a few months now and I am seeing some progress with that.

While I was at it I also spruced up my resume and applied for (yet another) state job.

I am by no means "out of the woods" financially but I have been persistent and making progress. I have spent a lot of hours on the phone and internet crunching numbers figuring this all out.

I refused to sign the lease renewal for our apartment, so if DH can't settle with this corrupt POS company he worked for (court date mid April) he has to put on his big boy pants and find a way to get back to paying the landlord. Although I do NOT want to lose my place that I love and consider my home -- it is ultimately DH who is on the hook.

My finances are separate. I am trying to save every week, even if it is only $20.00. I am going to keep focusing on making smart financial choices for myself, while still praying he gets out of this rut so he can contribute again. God forbid he doesn't, I know I will be okay without him.

As an aside, when I was digging through old emails looking for various paystubs and tax returns, I found something from an ex boyfriend. It was a long email about outlining how I put him down, and was prone to outbursts and anxious fits that made him feel worthless. It was honestly eye opening.

While I am not giving DH a "pass" for being a man child lately, I am coming to grips with the fact that tearing him down out of frustration is not going to get me too far, either. My "2 weeks of zen" has been extended, indefinitely.