SD and her new crush
Well, long story short, last month SD12 informed us she has a crush on another girl. DH was flustered and I'm still unsure about it. She has always been boy crazy.
A few days after she told us, we were at the mall looking at posters. I saw one that had hot babes in bikinis and I teased SS11 that he should buy that one. Then I thought SD might like it and told her she could get it if she wanted. She said GROSSSSSS. Ok, I'm trying to be supportive if she actually is attracted to girls now. Maybe I'm going about it wrong.
Anyway, here is the situation. SD12 is having her 13th birthday party this weekend. She told DH she wants a sleepover and guess who her guest is...the girl she has a crush on. I told DH I'm not comfortable with SD sharing a bed (SD has a queen size bed) with another person she has romantic feelings toward regardless of gender because of how young she is. He told me it's just a faze and she doesn't really like girls but it was up to me how I wanted to approach it.
I don't want to make a big deal about it. I don't want to embarrass her. And I do want to support her if she really is into girls. I plan on having a talk with her this weekend.
How should I approach this so that she knows I love her and I'm ok with her liking the same gender (or both genders) but also let her know we have boundaries that will have to include girls if she is now sexually attracted to them. She's a very sweet and lovely little girl and I want her to be safe.
***Just want to throw it out there that I am very much engaged with my skids and have a very active role in their lives.
- Ninji's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Just the crush. I was
Just the crush. I was thinking maybe she could still stay the night but SD has to sleep on the couch or telling her she can come over and still hang out but cannot stay over.
She told us she has a crush
She told us she has a crush on a girl and refers to the girl as her crush. I don't even know the girls real name.
Does she have a romantic type
Does she have a romantic type crush on the other girl? Such as wants to hold hands, kiss, date?? If so, then I agree with no overnights.
However, I know it is common to say you have a "girl crush" on someone which means they admire that person a great deal.
Maybe this girl is someone your SD wants to be like or admires. I had an older female friend when I was a young mom starting out in my career. I would say I had a "girl crush" on her. Not because I wanted a sexual relationship, but because I admired everything about her. She was smart, beautiful and classy. She was a genuinely good person and she could light the room up with a smile. I wanted to be like her. Not in a "I want to wear your skin" kind of way. But I admired her.
Just chat with her more and try to get a better understanding of what she is feeling.
"Or it gets the hose again!"
"Or it gets the hose again!"
I joking with them about the
I joking with them about the poster, but you are right. It can send them mixed messages.
That's what I was
That's what I was thinking...That it seems like it's the "in" thing to do now. That's why I'm not sure how seriously to take her. If she really does like girls, I don't want to blow her off and make it seem like a silly joke.
Take it seriously. When I
Take it seriously.
When I was 16 and dating my first girlfriend, my parents thought it was silly. They were planning a trip to some concert in a city nearby and they said I could bring one friend to stay in the hotel room. I wanted one of my guy friends, because I knew i'd have more fun with him than I would my girlfriend, but they wouldn't let that happen because of the opposite sex factor.
I thought it was kind of ridiculous. If I'm in a room with the person I'm dating, there's WAY more of a chance of something happening than if i'm in a room with my friend who I have no interest in AND i'm already in a relationship...
I do think in some cases, it's the "in" thing to do. And I think that's what my parents thought of it. But I'm 22 now and still identify as bisexual, despite being married to a man. My sexual identify didn't change just because I got married
Take it seriously. It hurts always being questioned when you're bisexual. It sucks when people expect you to choose or worse they decide for you because "you're not bisexual if you're dating a man"
No sleepovers for 13 year
No sleepovers for 13 year olds and their romantic interests. Zero. Doesn't matter the gender orientation.
She can invite the girl to go ice-skating or go-karts or to the arcade. No sleepover. You don't have to give a reason. Just parental decision: no sleepover this time.
Personally, on the issue in general, if I were you I would leave it. If she wants to talk about it let her bring it up. Then bite your lip and just listen as much as you can. I tend to agree with your dh this is a passing thing. Don't make more of it than it needs to be.
She has a few more years to figure out exactly where her interests lie. I think at 16 and 17 you will see her nature settle in. At 12, with a history of boy-crazy and a repulsed reaction to the bikini poster, chances are likely she's just trying on identities the way kids do with hairstyles, clubs, music, etc. and the interest in the girl will fade. But if at 17 she's definitely lost interest in boys and moved on to more of the behaviors normal for that age in re romance and they are toward girls, so be it. She will already know by your not making a fuss that she's got parental love.
In the meantime, no sleepovers for this party. Plan something else.
My step daughter was a
My step daughter was a lesbian for her entire 9th grade and half of 10th grade. She has been dating a guy for a year and says she isn't a lesbian now. She was having lesbian sex with a 19 year old . And other girls. It wasn't just a crush
As much as the world would
As much as the world would like to deny it, sexuality and sexual feelings do not start suddenly at 18. Having open discussions with teens about their crushes and relationships can help to educate them in how to navigate relationships and keep themselves mentally and physically healthy. Denying that any such feelings exist is not helpful.
I have no advice here, just
I have no advice here, just wanted to say how awesome it is that you and your husband have been so supportive that she feels comfortable talking about being gay.
I want to say - not your kid
I want to say - not your kid not your problem.... if DH does not see a problem with it, simply say I have warned you.
then again, you do not even know the girls name, why would you agree to a sleep over with a stranger in your house?
I'm sorry but NO sleep over, it's not her best friend you know, it's a girl you don't know.. she can come to the party but she will not sleep over,
this crush might actually be more of SD is seeing this girl as her roll model or idol... but still NO to sleep over, unless it's a group of girls, with one or 2 I personally know and who's been around,