It's best if baby's sleep in the same room as the parents. SD shares her room.

By the time the baby needs it's own room... SD should have moved out.

I am on DS's side..... no way SD will get 2 rooms in your house, DS should simply lock his bedroom when he leaves...

if SD does not like it she can find alternative accommodation...

remember it's your house as well, if the baby has a nursery in your house they are never going to move out

What is wrong with your husband? Your SD wants to live on her own, for one, but he is not allowing that, and now he's going to up heave the entire household?

Is he going to insist that you breastfeed SD's baby for her, too?

Would you rather have baby toys clogging up the communal areas of the house or confined to one room? Even if the baby doesn't sleep in the nursery for a few months, having a separate play space for the baby will likely make your home more peaceful if the baby is not in your face all of the time.

Your son is leaving home, just because he will be returning sometimes does not mean that his room needs to be a purpetual shrine to him. If you don't like the blow up matttess idea, come up with a compromise.

As a side note, are prices of duplexes within reach of your SD's money? If so I might try to steer her towards buying a duplex and renting them out for income and/or living in one side and renting out the other side. That way she has an income and a place to live with her baby when she gets fed up of living with dad.

Sorry but nope... I would be planning my exit strategy. She is financially independent. This is ridiculous on the part of your dh and quite frankly, would be a dealbreaker for me. Get out while you still can because once sd and new baby move in you'll be invisible.

Did you and your boys move into his home? If so, then it's kind of crazy to expect him to give space in his home to his stepkid over his bio grandkid.

Having your boys share a room when the oldest comes home and having the baby have an room is a great idea. I have to admit, that if I were in the husband's shoes, I'd make the same choice. My first priority would be to my grand baby, not my stepkids.

First I'll say that it sounds like your DH is making these decisions on his own, which really isn't conducive to having a good relationship, I hope he realizes that and that y'all find some sort of compromise for this entire situation in general.

Second, the new recommended guidelines is that a baby should stay in the same room as a parent for at least the first year of life.

With that being said I think it would be a smart decision to NOT make a decision on what happens to the other room right now. It's creating a lot of conflict when there already seems to be a lot of issues and it's something that really doesn't need to be addressed for another 18 months. At that time you may feel the same, in that your DS deserves his own space, you may realize he doesn't come home as often as you thought he would, you may be fed up with baby stuff being everywhere and willing to let the baby use the room to have some space.

My suggestion would be to point out the new recommended guidelines to DH and say that your DS's room should not even be used until at least the baby is 1 year old, and it can be addressed at that time.

How nice of your DH and SD to unilaterally decide this shit. So SD has a room at your house?? Why can't baby be in THAT room? UGH

No fucking way would I be on board with my SD moving herself and her illegitimate baby into my house. No fucking way.

I've been gone for a while and this is one heck of a post to read first.

The day DH entertains the thought of moving an expecting skid into my home is the day I move him out. Not that he would but still. And yes, that applies to my DD as well.

I cannot understand wanting to cripple your kids like that. It's another reason to wish good health for BM.

How do you handle bills in your household, do you both own the house? I would be cutting my contributions in half.

All I read in your recent posts is: you have absolutely NO say in anything regarding his decisions. Zilch. Zero.
He once again made a decision regarding *HIS* house and *HIS* daughter, regardless of you and your children's feelings.
And this baby isn't even here yet.

But hopefully you will be gone by then...regardless of the situation, any spouse of mine who would make these decisions without even a discussion is not someone I would want to stay with.

My son if off to college this year and if I've learned anything it's been to preach the virtues of condoms and safe sex!!! OP, your son may not have his own room when he comes home but let's hope he's smarter than SD and doesn't have a young dumb baby mama in tow.

You have mentioned money is tight. I hope you have enough to move out. There is no way this will work out. The father supports the daughter you hate. That will tear you apart.

Once again I have to laugh at the double standards. Can you imagine if a step kid demanded a step parent keep their room after they go to college and the step kid's parent didn't even own the house? Lol.

It is sounding like he wants a "do over". Unfortunately, it will feel like another divorce when (if) the SD and kid finally move out. He's really not doing anybody any favors.

It sounds like he is done with op and her drama and not man enough to admit it to her.

My BS just moved out in June. He left for the Marines and has been back twice for short visits and I would NOT let my DH move him out of his room.
My YSS10 made the comment (prior to BS leaving) that when BS leaves, he gets BS's room. Ummm No, you don't.
Yes my BS is launched. Yes My BS is living out of state in the Barracks. However, he still has a room in my home and there is no reason that should change. When he moves out of the barracks and into his own place, I will then change him room into something else. But since he has ZERO room for personal belongings in the barracks, he still has his room here.

My OSS19 is gone at college. BM didn't go taking his room away and giving it to one of the younger kids. Just didn't happen. OSS still comes home on breaks and in the summer and stays in his room.

I think it is wrong for your DH to take DS's room from him for an infant. Baby should stay with Momma in her room. Heck your DH has no idea how long SD will want to stay.

When I was in my late teens and early 20s I had three different friends get booted out of their bedroom bc another sibling was having to move back home with a kid or kids in tow. None of these people were off at college either, they were living at home and commuting or school or not going to school at all but working. To me if you're not even going to be home nine months out of the year it's a no brainer, you don't need a bedroom at your parents house any longer when they could use the space for something else.

When my DD moved away to college she never in million years asked/demanded/expected room to stay empty just because it's hers. It's beyond ridiculous what some adult children expect when they don't even live there full time. My DD told me to use the room for whatever the heck i wanted: crafts/office/guest room etc

I don't understand maintaining a shrine to kids who live elsewhere most of the year.

I wish your dh, op, would come up with a sensible plan. Since he's in charge of the cash pot, why doesn't he recognize a woman starting a family needs a house? He should have her buy a home with that money, near a good school and all that.

If she doesn't reconcile with the father then perhaps she could stay with dad for 4 - 6 weeks to get through the most difficult time of birth and neonate. When she's got the hang of it and baby has put on a bit of weight, she can go back to her new house and start her life as a single mother. Cuz that's what she is. She is not daddy's little girl anymore. She is baby's mother. If she's determined be a mother then she needs to actually be one.

This is making me think through what we'd do if something happened to bm and sd turned up preggers. I still wouldn't want her in my house. But perhaps we'd spring for a limited amount of home care. Fingers crossed she just marries the boyfriend she's got now and we never are called upon in any way.