"If I am always pointing out the problem, how will he learn to figure out when there is a problem? "

I guess my perspective on this statement is that you had to remind your child to say "Please and thank you" and to recognize the situations where it was needed. You probably did that by reminding him and prompting him right?

I see nothing wrong with a gentle reminder to not be a "jerk"... while still not coming in and resolving a problem.

If you want, you can also go back to him after the fact and talk to him about the situation you noticed and educate him on other ways things could have been handled.

For example, when my YSD was a preteen, she and her friends could get into being "meangirls". Like the time one girl was invited over for the weekend yet my YSD ended up including a girl up the road in their plans and they ended up meangirling the guest. (being exclusionary and dismissive of her). I saw it.. noted it and after the girl's dad came to pick her up early (because she was homesick)... I had a little chat with the YSD and explained that I saw exactly how she had acted towards her guest and that I didn't think it was very nice and that she really must have hurt that girl's feelings.

Other situations though where the OSD and YSD would be squabbling over sharing a dvd player in the backseat I didn't step in except to say "either figure out how to share nicely or neither of you will have it to listen to" It only took me confiscating things a couple times for the rest of a trip for the girls to figure out that even if they weren't being good at sharing.. they dang sure didn't want me to know about it. lol.

Is he bothered by any of the fighting? I've got DD3, and as you know... toddlers/preschoolers are jerks. Lol.

She played with one of her 4 yo friends today, and he spent most of the time trying to take away whatever she was holding/doing, trying to 'make' her follow along in his game that he made up in the way he wanted her to, and getting pissed off at her.

She spent most of the time pushing his buttons, doing her own thing, and crying/yelling.

Today's development was that both of them came running to the moms far less... my kid yells early and yells often, but it blows over really fast. The other mom just had a baby, and can't jump in the middle like she used to. (She still jumped in 500 times, she's lovely but soooo different than I am).

Anyway, they both cried when we went home.

When he's being a jerk, I counsel my kid to take the path of least resistance - if he's no fun to play with, don't play with him. If he's upset that you're playing with his xyz, then it's too bad he isn't the best at sharing, but you can go and play with something else. etc etc.

When we are the 'hosts', I have her choose a couple of special toys and we put those in her closet, and everything else is for sharing. She is borderline on playing with/parallel play, so sometimes she also gets all caught up in a game she made up that someone is supposed to play with her as she dictates. I just do the same reminding.

I hope it continues to help her, since she is quite social.

My husband, otoh, didn't care about playing with others at all. If they didn't play how he liked, no problem, he did his own thing and was happy to do so. In that case, you can only help them learn manners... actually building connections will have to come on its own.

At all along the lines of what you were asking???

If there's a mutual disagreement, I'd encourage them to sort it out on their own. If one kid is bullying another, I'd have a talk about the damage bullying can cause and why it's not okay. I'd then ask the kid if he wants to apologize. If he doesn't want to apologize, I'd pull the "i'm dissapointed in you" phrase haha

When my BS was little he had problems interacting with other kids. He was also an only child. I would have play dates for him with certain kids and things would always go south. At first I used to think it was BS. I worried that he just didn't know how to play, share with other kids. They would end up arguing and I would correct BS and try to explain how his behavior was making others feel.

Then I started catching on. BS would claim it was the other kid (they always blame the other kid). So one day when BS had a particular friend over I stood just outside the room and listened to them play a video game. The other kid was whispering to BS "You suck at this game" "You are stupid" "You are so dumb and you will never be good like me". Well BS finally got so tired of hearing this kid talk trash that he finally jumped on the kid and punched him. Now I don't condone violence, but the little butthead had it coming. I never invited the kid back to my house again. Another kid who BS grew up with as a baby was always mean and rude to BS. Again, I figured it must be BS. It didn't take long to realize this kid was just an ass. He was mean to his mom and rude to adults. Most adults couldn't stand to be around him.

My point is...If it is a disagreement, just observe and see what the real issue is. I thought for a long time that BS had the issue. The issues was the friends I chose. My BS has grown up to be a very respectful, responsible young man who HATES bullying and defends the outcast.

For now I intervened when SS is having a problem with BS1almost2; BS is at a selfish age where he just sees "mine" everywhere. SS is used to sharing but for somethings like a Christmas present he hasn't had a chance to play with he will get upset because BS isn't listening to him. I tell him which words to use when talking to BS such ask "no, no BS; not yours" because you can't explain anything to a one year old really. Other times when we are around other kids SS5's age I ask him how feels about a situation and what does he think he should do next time. Setting up situational and talking our way through them seem to help him consider other kid's feelings. During football; tball or other team related stuff I try to let him work it out until it starts to affect his performance (he starts saying he wants to quit) then I get in there...but I consider myself a mild helicopter parent. Im laid back with the exploring, figuring stuff out and meeting new people but I'm careful with what they are exposed to as well.

Maybe sometimes analyzing a situation afterwards could be good. How did your son feel? How does he think the other child felt? What does he think he could have done differently? Would that have changed the outcome? What are his options should something similar happen again? You might even give him examples of phrases he could say and the tone of voice he could use. I try to do this with sd, especially the showing her different ways she could phrase things and different tones of voice she could use as well as alternative ways she could do things.

I am like you and I do both. My daughter got an award at school yesterday. I thought it was for grades but it was a character award. This quarters character trait they were looking for was fairness. Interesting because I doubt her sisters would always call her fair. Sometimes I let them duke it out and when my 7 year old has had enough and wipes a booger on the 9 year old, I have been been known to say, "well V you had it coming." And other times I 'm all "E, that's disgusting! Pick another method of retribution ! "

Sometimes BS9 can be kind of bossy when he and his buddy next door play. The neighbor kid is a really sweet boy but kind of just goes along with things. We remind BS that he needs to thunk about what others want and not domineer. We never embarrass him and do this in front of others but also want him to be respectful and considerate.

Sometimes BS9 can be kind of bossy when he and his buddy next door play. The neighbor kid is a really sweet boy but kind of just goes along with things. We remind BS that he needs to thunk about what others want and not domineer. We never embarrass him and do this in front of others but also want him to be respectful and considerate.

I never got involved if Deigma had friend problems..... I would only say.... filter your words cause once you said something you can never take it back and it hurts more then an actual fist punch.

Also Deigma was not allowed to fight, thanks to a good Sensei and karate, they got taught - only a man walks away, a cowered hits..... but this was not applicable with self defense... there they knew how to protect yourself and pin the other guy to the ground without hurting him to much.