I have discussed it with my wife and finally she agrees with my assessment but then whenever I made a suggestion it tends to fall on deaf ears. I have said that I would move out eventually if he does not - and her response is "you want me to choose you over him?" What she does not get is that she and her ex are doing more harm than good. They have always allowed him to stay in a comfort zone and fail to launch as an adult. He and two cousins were christened at their family cottage, we watched the video recently and when he was dunked - he cried and cried and everybody said that must have been you know who? He would not wear snow pants as a child. Then he would not wear anything but sweat pants until grade 9. Today he dresses like a 12 year old and really has the same mind set as well. Like most children coming home from school, they want to play and that is exactly what he wants to do. In high school, his parents put him the commercial program despite having a high IQ. I went to the parent/teacher interviews and was alarmed that this stream had no home work...all work was completed during class hours. His grade 12 math course dealt with balancing a cheque book. But it was easy and he was an honour student. College was the same thing, very little homework and he was on the Dean's List. University was a different story, he got his degree but just...He has a great interest in technology and I keep telling him to go into computers rather than police work but he says "coding" or "programming" is too hard. He does not understand the concept of no pain, no gain. I think in reality, he has the perfect setup. He makes minimum wage which is not enough for him to move out, but given his modest room and board of $200 a month, it leaves him with a big cash flow to buy junk food, go to IMAX movies, buy the latest XBOX or computer games, etc. All that money he has paid us is in fact in account for him to move out. In term of our finances, I pay for 75% of our housing costs and she pays for the groceries. It seems to work for us however I cannot control the type of groceries coming into our house such as all the pop and junk food!

Sorry to slag security guards, but given how lazy he is, then I can only come to the conclusion that his job is not that stressful compared to my other two stepsons. My oldest SS runs his own construction business and works extremely hard including weekends and evenings renovating one of his two homes to flip for a profit. My SS in engineering is completing a double degree with computer science as well. His class work is 35 hours per week and then there is probably another 30 hours of homework. In addition, he is in the Army Reserves and trains at least once or twice per week. The security guard SS does that and only that...if his employer says this week you are working 19 hours or 40, he is ok with that. When he went to college and university, he did most, if not all, of his homework during his security work shift. Last summer, he sat in his car (our car which we kinda sold to him) and guarded a construction site. Once an hour, he would walk the site and get back into his car. Finally one day I received online the results of a survey of the 10 Best Jobs for Slacker - guess which was number one? I am sure there are some security work that is very challenging, but I doubt that my SS would want those positions. He has four years of post secondary studies and earns $0.35 cents over our minimum wage. He has always led a soft and comfortable life. He wore sweat pants to school until he went to high school since they were more comfortable. He now dresses like the 8 and 10 year old across the street from us. In high school, his parents put him a commercial stream where all homework was completed during class so that he could go home and goof off all night - nice lesson that was! He of course graduated with honours because it was such an easy program. His grade 12 Math class involved balancing his cheque book. Both he and his older brother have learning disabilities, but in spite of that their IQs are quite elevated and his brother had excelled no matter what. This kid uses every excuse for failing to launch and his mother routinely will say "he was so upset that he almost cried"... Most people suggest tough love and not this softness that his bios have been givinig him. They are killing him with kindness.

I have opted for counselling. My wife does not think that either she or her son has a problem. He is just different - a geek similar to the folks on the TV show Big Bang which my SS idolizes. Difference is that those dudes have PhDs and careers which match their education. Moreover they don't live with their parents nor do they live in some kind of cyber space.

Boo Radley! That is a good analogy, he somewhat is like that. Others have noted that as well, if he is locked up in his room, then just ignore him. Being nocturnal is difficult since he makes all sorts of noise during the evening since he plays some of the most violent and noisy computer/XBox games on the market today. He eats generally around 4 am which again causes lots of noise and odours in the house. Given his diet consists of fried food or toast - it generally wakes me up. I am the first one in the kitchen in the morning to see the disaster zone. I refuse to pick up after him. He cannot even close a cupboard door. In fact, one can trace his path through either his meal or the kitchen by the debris field that he has left behind. That bothers me! When he comes home, he kicks off his shoes and flings them into the closet. His clothing is dropped on the floor and his room makes disaster zones look like a paradise. He eats in his room and leaves a stack of dirty dishes and uneaten food lying around, but as soon as a bug appears, he will be the first to complain! He has no respect for my home and my belongings which I worked all my life to obtain. We have given him our a car which he is running into the ground. I fear that every time I leave my home that he will literally burn it down or destroy it. In short, he is difficult to ignore!

Nightmare is right! Had I known this situation before, I would not have married or gotten involved with my wife. I love her but hate the kid! I have said that on his 25th birthday that it will be him or me! I do not want to live with him forever and I see no signs of him ever moving out or launching into adulthood.

Comfort zone is the issue. He lives in cocoon of comfort and his parents need to give the jolt that life is not a bed of roses. He is on a path to poverty and distress. He currently lives in the lap of luxury but this is not reality, but his reality is what is going to happen in the next 5 minutes. There is no thought about the near or distant future in almost all matters as far as he is concerned. Unfortunately my wife sees a little of herself in him but she despite being shy herself, she had a great career and is socially well adjusted. It is almost as if he was the repository of all the bad elements of his biological parents. His father is lazy - he is lazy. His mother described herself as a social wallflower - and so is he! His father is a self centred - so is the son. His father is a cheat and lier - and so is the son. The father is messy - so is the son. My wife does not like to venture outside her comfort zone but she does nonetheless whereas her son never does! It goes on and on. This boy has very few redeeming qualities, but unfortunately there are so social safety nets for this type of kid. I hate to see him flounder given all the opportunities he has had.

Good points but he has no interest in moving out of our city. His idea of seeing the world is mainly via his cyber reality. His friends are mainly all living at home too and failing to launch. The few friends that have moved out...have no interest in living with him, he is a slob!

Thank you...I am rather new at this sort of thing and though I seemed to get some constructive insight from most posts, this one was particularly bitter.

If he is 15 and you can see what has happened to my 25 year old man/boy happening to your SS, then it might not be too late to intervene with a game strategy and providing some "tough" love. My wife and her ex have coddled this boy-man to the Pillsbury dough boy that he is today! My analogy is that he is a full grown robin living still in a nest which his mother feeds on a routine basis. He needs to learn to fly!