Wow sueu2 you are awfully judgmental! I am not a desperate woman. Thank you for that lovely helpful advice! I have seen your other comments though so I'm not to surprised by your nastiness!

uofarchick - He did work a 2nd job for several months but it was hard for both of us because he does help a lot with the boys when he is home. When we got caught up at that point I had him quit the 2nd job because I needed his help also. This year has been a rough year though. The fantasy football league wasn't his ideas. It is my dad's league he joined and my dad paid b/c he wanted him to play and they were missing a player and that is why I didn't get upset about that. It was no out of pocket money to us.

I haven't set a date to get married yet because of all of this.

I never had money growing up so I wasn't raised thinking that money is everything. I'm with him ironically because when we first met I was impressed with how involved he was with his daughter and saw it as a good thing. He is also a good dad to our son and helps a lot with my older son. My main irritation is that he seems to feel guilty about not having PE full time and overcompensates for that without thinking about how it affects everyone else in the house.

It is great when she isn't there! He helps change diapers and plays with our 2 year old. He picks my oldest up from school for me b/c he gets out of work before me. He helps with house chores. I can tell that he truly loves my older son and I think that is part of my problem. I don't feel like I love his daughter. I care about her and would never harm her but I don't love her like my own. He does all of this when she is there also but she just clings to him and wants constant attention. At 9 I think she should also be able to entertain herself!

Trust me. I have thought of breaking it off b/c I know that I shouldn't feel that way towards his daughter. That is why I have talked to him about it. It is hard b/c he does get defensive when it comes to her. He isn't a complete deadbeat which I guess I should have mentioned in my blog. He pays what he can but he is definitely irresponsible with his money.

Thank you! This is what I was hoping for. Advice that can be helpful! I agree on what you have said. I do try to disengage with her b/c she does have 2 loving parents hyper focused on her! He doesn't completely ignore the other 2 children though. He does help with them a lot. The budget is something we really need to sit down and go over. Since he makes less he usually gets a better tax return and plans on paying off the loan with that and contributing more financially at that point. He didn't spend any money on the fantasy football league. That was my dad's doing. He wanted him to replace someone in the league and he paid b/c he knew we couldn't afford to.

Yes, this is my issue too! Lately it does feel like he puts me on the back burner but it hasn't always felt that way. I do feel like we are in a relationship though. We do have open communication and usually when I bring things to his attention he will address them.

We have a son together that he does help out with a lot. Both of my children love PE. She is their sister and she hasn't ever harmed them anyway. She is spoiled but not evil. He also helps a lot with my older son (who's father is in jail) and he doesn't have to but he wants to. I guess we can see here that I haven't always made the best choice in men! I realize that is on me. However, he isn't all bad just because he doesn't make as much money. The problem is how he isn't responsible with the money and he wants to spoil PE and we can't.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. It sucks because I do love him and he has some good qualities. I'm afraid it will get worse though and I don't want that! That is why I came here for advice!

Thank you Granny!

He honestly doesn't exclude the boys. We only have PE part time and even when she is there despite her constantly wanting to be the center of attention he doesn't just ignore the others. The exclusion part seems to be only financially really and the boys are young enough to not notice this. I just get irritated that when he does get any extra money instead of immediately thinking to pay off debt he thinks of buying PE something or taking her somewhere and it isn't like she is lacking on any activities/material possessions. When I do bite his head off about it he will do whatever I tell him to. I just don't want to have to do that!

His ex is a high conflict BM and when they divorced she got him by the balls in their custody agreement. That was his fault but I didn't know him then. I don't want to banish his daughter. I just want him to parent her better. The other problem there though is that even when I do point things out and he enforces it in our home she still gets whatever she wants and behaves however she wants at mommy's house.

I know many of you seem to think I am afraid of losing him if I bring up change. I am not afraid of losing him. I have told him this. I know that I can survive on my own without a man. I have done this before and I'm not afraid of doing it again. I think counseling might be a good option because maybe an outside voice will make him realize I am not trying to nit pick his daughter...just improve our home!

I don't consider his daughter toxic because it isn't her fault. She has learned how to manipulate both households to get what she wants but that is because mommy and daddy work against each other instead of together. Which I have also pointed out to him on several occasions.

No, I haven't because most of the time I see you as a self righteous ass hat that is very judgmental. Taking a small glimpse of a person's life and judging them on that and then belittling them. I am not a weak woman at all. You don't know my life story you read one rant of mine and you respond with such bitterness! What is making you such a hateful person?! An evil step mom?!?! I believe I addressed in my rant that I know the child isn't to blame here. I am not jealous of her at all. I am annoyed with the poor parenting between her father and BM!

Have I made mistakes in the past? Yes!!! I met my older son's father when I was 16 and we had a toxic relationship and when I had my son with him I realized that I didn't need him and I deserved better for me and my son so I left him.

I am not desperate for a man at all! I have told my fiancé that if things don't change he will have to move out because I know that I can do this on my own.

I do have standards. My current fiancé met those standards. Recently some financial things have hit him from the past that I didn't know about. I didn't do a credit check before dating him....my bad!

I don't have babies with every man I meet! I have two children. One from my first 11 year toxic relationship and one with my current relationship. You're the judgmental person here as far as I can tell.

Yes, I came here for advice as many others do. Except you. I think you come here because you are a bitter/hateful step child of someone that treated you poorly. I don't know your story and I don't care b/c there are a lot nicer ways you can talk to people but you chose to be nasty! I think you need some self reflection as well!

The pregnancy wasn't planned obviously but at he could afford the kid he had already and has always been a good father to both of them.

This first response isn't rude?
"Sorry a$$ men don't get a second job when they have desperate women taking care of them."

I never back tracked I responded to others questions that they asked before just making a nasty ass comment and passing judgment! I don't hate you at all. I don't know you and you have no power over me. I just think that maybe you could be a little more empathetic when offering such great advice...oh wait....I missed your advice in that first comment as there was NONE!!!!!

Now in your other comment I can agree that self reflection is very important...I think you should take your own advice

Thank you dancinginthe.... I didn't like what Sueu2 said because of the tone and manner she used. Her immediate response was to bash me and my fiancé without even asking a question....he was a sorry ass man and I'm a desperate woman. I am not in the exact same situation as my first relationship. My fiancé is not verbally or mentally abusive. He merely isn't financially responsible and wants to spoil his princess daughter....both things that can be worked on if you have people willing to try. I haven't made him leave because when I do address thing he does try usually. Just gets defensive when it comes to his daughter. I think this what I really want help on. How do I talk to him about her without sounding bitter and hateful as sueu2 does?!?!

Thank you IslandGal for sharing your experience and telling me about the onion. I think that makes sense. Counseling would definitely be beneficial for all of us. I had a talk with him over the long weekend about money/priorities/etc. I truly hope things get better for us but if not I will have to re-evaluate my priorities and do what is best for my children!