I'm new here. I joined about 5 or so months ago. My SO and I are to be married in May of next year. I have two kids (son, 10 and daughter, 7); He has a daughter, 7. We all moved in together (after dating 2.5 years) in June. There were some situations that came up and I felt I needed some people who may understand as I have divorced friends but none who have married and been step-mom (no, I'm not officially one yet but it's coming). I did a search and found a few - I find this one to be very helpful as everyone is very honest and up front with information. So far the main thing I have learned is that I had unrealistic expectations that we'd be a 'blended' family - especially right away!!! My feelings are getting hurt less due to that enlightenment!

I found this site because I felt bad about not letting my SD, her husband, and their 2 kids "stay" with us.

I didn't feel guilty for long.

I did realize that many step parents have it much worse than I ever did. Although BM is psycho and was the biggest problem, my SD25 was (and is) nothing compared to some. She's not without issues but...

I came years ago because my exSDs were running my SO and mine lives. I since then left him few years ago and stopped coming here. I am now married and am a SM of adult SKs again. So I am back under new name

I've been here for 7 years. I've seen posters change names; however, I couldn't tell you who is who if I fell over them. I've kept the same user name the entire time.

I don't post much anymore. I feel for a lot of you because I remember being in your hell.

I came here because I had a very intrusive BM. She stalked us and broke into my house. We lived through that type of behavior and the constant tug of war for 7 years. In 2009, my husband and I relocated 5 hours away. We are still in the same state. It definitely saved our marriage. The kids have since aged out and we really don't have anything but occasional moments that we have to be in the same place.

I sometimes feel bad that I insisted we leave because I really think it changed my husband's relationship with his kids. He still has a great relationship with the oldest one, but he has missed a lot of her school and sports events over the years. The younger one does not communicate much with him. Neither really go out of their way to speak to me, but they are respectful and they are good girls.

My beef really was never with them. I couldn't live my life catering to another woman's demands or the constant feeling of violation because she would let herself into my house when I wasn't home.

i lurked for a few years out of just normal stepfamily issues (yup, google brought me here but it was a benign search, nothing like "i hate my sk's" or anything.)

about two years later, someone said something i felt strongly enough about to create a user account and comment my response.

shortly thereafter, WWIII hit between dh and MIL and i've been on a STalk roll ever since

what have i learned? the biggest thing is you cant control others, and you certainly cant care more than the bio-parents. i've also learned to appreciate the boys - even tho' some things are MADDENING, there are others that have it FAR worse. if my only problems are lack of respect, a$$#ole attitude, and failure to learn how a light switch functions, then i really dont have it too God-awful bad.

i have also learned that some of the most awesome friend experiences CAN be had with a group of anonymous people. i luv ya ladies!!!

where are we now? dumb@$$ is irrelevant. MIL is a non-factor - dh talks to her occasionally but their relationship will never be the same. oss is for all intents and purposes launched, but still stuck to MIL's hip. lurch will do just fine in life, he and i are tight. and kaos is just kaos - sometimes good, sometimes "meh", sometimes i just escape.

Cafemom is a joke!!!! It's full of trolls who obviously are BMlike minded idiots. I'm legally a step mom for now until DH terminates his rights. I cannot wait!!!! I've learned SD's are worse than SS's and I am not the only one with a psycho BM.

I found this site 8 years ago. the skids were consequences of BM and DH's crappy parenting and they initially latched on to me like limpets because I paid attention to them. I knew the very first time I met them that if I stayed plugged in we would end up with them full time. They would want to live with us and would suck me dry as they used me to fill gigantic BM and DH shaped holes.

I freaked out, panicked and tried to control everything for a year. I finally got burned out and googled step children. As I'm writing the search term google offered several search options. One of them was 'step in a blender', which spoke to me! I followed that search thread and found this site. I binge read Step Talk for a week and very slowly started my disengagement.

This site gave me a framework for understanding the dysfunctional dynamics that I had both married into and contributed to. It helped me clarify my boundaries and feel good about setting them. It has also been a source of support when we started having our own children and the shitstorm this created in BM and skids.

I love this site but struggle with the way that memvers promote disengagement as a skill in step life and yet often don't apply that same skill here. Rather than disengaging, members will attack, hold grudges, mock, badger and fight with OP's. If you think someone is a troll or dillusional don't respond, don't acknowledge, move on. It sometimes makes me question the 'wisdom' that is offered here - if they behave the same way in their steplife as they do on here then maybe their role in any problems is far bigger than they are owning up to on here.

I searched for how to get rid of a hateful step daughter and here I am....

This site gave me the disengagement link and my life turned for better...

I found the site like most everyone else, a Google search. I came here because I was wondered what I had done wrong over the years, I am a look in the mirror type of person. I never hear outside the digital world about others who felt like I did as a Step Parent and figured it had to be me. It was a relief to find out I wasn’t alone.
I have learned that a lot of what I was already doing like disengaging (although I didn’t know it had a name) were the right things to do. I have learned that even though I have a difficult situation it could be worse ( no toxic Bio Parents) and I have learned again that I am not alone.
Where am I now in StepLife? Basically the same place but armed with knowledge that I didn’t have before, a feeling of belonging with other like minded people and I would like to believe that I have a gained a bunch of anonymous , digital friends, mostly women, but that’s actually nothing new to me.
I work with a team of women, besides my GSS I’m the only male at home, etc etc.

I found this site by googling "hate the ex-wife" and "Step parent support group"

I am not a bio and was never fond of children. I came here for some insight on what a step parent roll is and to learn how to deal with my feelings of jealousy towards the crotch that will forever be attached to DH life.

My DH has always told me that his boys have two parents. All he wants from the SO in the parents life is to help guide his children on an honest path in life, be there for them if the boys cannot talk to the parents and show support to the parent. That's what I do. That and drive all over creation but I think I'm doing pretty dang good in the step parent department.

As far as the crotch BM - I have learned from all you fine people to IGNORE THE WHORE

Right now I think my SS18 loves me, SS14 likes me. They both have told me they are grateful to me because DH was a dick before I came in to their lives. That's where I am in step life.