The Monthly Money Beg Has Arrived From BM

OK. So maybe it's more like every 6 weeks. But still.

This email? SD16 needs a Driver's Ed. Course. Could we half the $400 with her? And SD20 needs books for spring semester. Also about $400-$450. Could we half that, too?

OK, OK. So...both somewhat reasonable requests, I guess. If it weren't for the fact that we do child support, cell phones for all three skids (about an additional $150 a month on our bill for access + paying for the phones), free car at 16 plus a year of free insurance (well...DH's parents give that to skids...but still. It comes from our side), etc., etc. etc.

Also. This fall BM asked us to "half" the college book fee for the year by paying in the fall and she would pay in the spring. So, we actually covered the entire cost of books for the fall...and now she wants us to half books for the spring...meaning we would be footing 3/4 of the total book bill for the year. DH wants to just do it because he doesn't like saying no to SD20 for anything. I guess I should be grateful that SD20 gets grants, etc. so there's no other college costs other than books and lab fees.

Anyway. Put my foot down and told him we did our half of the books already and that SD16 can pitch in for her own Driver's Ed. class since she has a good job and gets a totally free car and free insurance for a year...so no other expenses.

The biggest reason this bothers me is because BM does this every time...drops "extra" expenses in our lap at the last possible minute. The books money is needed within the next week! And the class...she has to register soon to ensure a spot in January! Nice. So basically she needs about $500 from us the week before Christmas. Last spring, she asked us to "half" the remaining medical bills from SD16's ongoing treatment from when she had Cancer at 13...told us in May. It was about $750. Said she didn't have to have it all at once but if we could just add half to the next CS payment (which was in 5 days). Um. At my insistence, we told her we needed copies of the bills and that we would pay half but would do it at our convenience, directly to the hospital. So...she sent us the bills and the hospital login. All of the bills were issued in January...but we needed to give her about $300 in the next five days in May. Makes sense. Not to mention...DH's parents put over 5K toward the remaining medical expenses after insurance...so we'd really more than done our "half" at that point.

It's all just so maddening. Merry Christmas to me!

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Not that it really matters...

Not that it really matters... but why does a 20 year old need a Driver's Ed class???

SD16 = Driver's Ed. SD20 =

SD16 = Driver's Ed.

SD20 = College Books.

Two different skids.

Oh jeepers... sorry for the

Oh jeepers... sorry for the ditzy moment!

Bingo. This is exactly what

Bingo.

This is exactly what I've said to DH. We need to STOP being her "emergency fund" — even if it's supposedly "for the kids."

**Edited to Add: We paid more than required and for longer than required for skid CS over the years, and BM has a good, steady job plus get tons of extras for the skids from us and from DH's parents. I know how much she makes because it's published information (she's a teacher). Plus, she works at a camp every summer, and I know what she makes, there. Plus, if she's doing her taxes right, she should get back somewhere between 7-9K since she hasn't remarried and can technically claim 3 dependents (while we get none), head of household, and earned income. I've added up her various sources of income before and just don't get how she's always struggling.

Just found out that there is

Just found out that there is a discount for the D. Ed class that makes it $275. Excellent. Will be even easier for SD16 to afford.

As for books. I don't know if she's hoping we forgot or if 3/4 - 1/4 is an "fair split" in BM world.

Girl, you know new cars (for

Girl, you know new cars (for BM) and pricey vacations (for BM) don't pay for themselves! Gosh, it's Christmas. You should just hand her your bank card and PIN.

lol. BMs car is on the fritz

lol.

BMs car is on the fritz right now, so she's currently driving SD16's car. You know...the one completely paid for and insured by DH's parents?

This is a car she's had for two years, and it's already having engine and transmission problems. BM always says she "has bad luck with cars" which, I think translates to...she doesn't take care of them. In the ten years I've known DH, we've each had two cars. Both of us drove our first cars for 10+ years and replaced them with newer model used cars in the last 3 years. My former car is still in great shape. I gave it to my mom when I replaced it. My mom loves said car and has been driving it for 3 years now. So...that car has had a 13-year lifespan and is still going strong with just regular maintenance.

BM. She's had at least 4 cars that I can think of in the past 8 years. I guess it's all that bad luck she has.

She is definitely not taking

She is definitely not taking care of them or buying cars made out of legos. Cars nowadays can easily go 150,000 miles if maintained.

SD needed a rental, she'd had

SD needed a rental, she'd had an accident which wasn't her fault and we were looking for a new vehicle for her but in the meantime she needed a car.

We got one for her and on the day it was to be returned guess who had it? Yep, BM was out of town and had taken SDs rental because it was more reliable than hers. So SD was driving around in the POS while BM was in the nice rental.

I told SD that BM had better not get into an accident because she wasn't insured on the rental and would be charged with theft if anyone came after us for payment. The rental agency also went off on her for lending out a car that was rented to her.
But you know BM neeeeeded to have the better car.

Yeah...but that's just it. I

Yeah...but that's just it. I honestly don't know what BM pays for in terms of the skids.

DH's parents do cars and insurance for a year. When that year is up, the skids pay the insurance and gas.

SD 20 doesn't live w/BM anymore. SS18 barely does...and pays a small amount of rent. We get SD16 35% of the time.

DH's parents take each skid on a clothes shopping trip at the beginning of each school year and another big bunch of clothes gets dropped on them every Christmas. Now that they have jobs, they buy the rest of the clothes they want themselves. We do cell phones for all three. We've done laptops for all three.

Like...seriously. Other than food for 2 skids...who work and eat at work 3-4 days out of the week and are at our house over the weekend...what does she pay for for these kids?

Is there any way for the book

Is there any way for the book money to go directly to the school or book store? My DD bought most of her books on Amazon or other web sites, so he could do that so he knows the money is going directly for books.

Books already? Our University doesn't start back until the second week of January so why does she need books now?

In the fall, we gave money

In the fall, we gave money directly to SD, not to BM. If we choose to do so again, we will do the same. No reason for this $$$ to be funneled through BM..or even brought up or asked for by BM...as SD20 no longer lives with her.

We dealt with this with SD as

We dealt with this with SD as well. BM would call DH and say SD needs $$$$$$ for books, he would call SD and ask what she needed. She'd say $$$$.

I told her to call me when she was at the book store, they said the amount was $$ and I gave them my CC, they then emailed me a receipt.

If we'd listened to BM we'd have given her 4x as much as the books were worth, if we'd listened to SD we'd have given her 2x as much.
In SDs defense, I do think she would have told DH that the books came in under budget. He would have then said that's ok honey you keep the extra.

Oh yeah. Forgot haircuts. We

Oh yeah.

Forgot haircuts. We typically do those, too.

BM always makes a big deal that the skids are covered by her medical insurance whenever she asks for $$$. Um. Yep. As custodial parent...that is correct. And you have pretty good and low-cost insurance through your government job while we pay for ours out-of-pocket as freelancers. Plus, you claim all three as dependents. Wouldn't really make sense for us to cover them as it would be more expensive (we pay a lot for insurance as we don't have any dependents, according to the IRS, you see, which is how they determine it) and they'd get worse coverage. Added to all this...CS calculations take who covers the skids medical insurance into account...so that's already literally figured into how much we give her in CS every month.