Real Quick- Thoughts- posting as BM
Trying to write this real quick before I have a meeting.
Ex does not drive/have car. Long story- 2 DUIs, no insurance. He lives 45-60 minutes away. Traffic can be unbearable.
So when he wants to see BS he needs to find a ride to my house to pick up BS or meet me half way. It was normally meet half way. 85% of the time.
I got tired after awhile on being on someone else's schedule for meeting to get BS. Ex's ride would fall through or they would want to come earlier or later. It was always something.
So I did the drop off/pick up. Well of course after awhile I'm sick of it. Twice he has given me gas money and he is waaaaaaaayyyyy behind on CS. So it's money coming out of my pocket. And I feel like I was doing him a favor. But I was doing it for BS.
So today- his friend is supposed to pick up BS and take BS to his dad. Friend works close to my town and lives in same town as Ex.
He was supposed to come 4:30/5.
Ex texts me and asks what time BS get out of school and if friend can come get him then, because he has to get back home and doesn't want to wait for me to get home (at 4:20).
I told ex- NO. I feel that I should be home and get to say Bye to my kid before he is gone until Sunday. Also I don't like the idea of BS being picked up without me being there.
He is 11. If I had planned for it, it would be different maybe but I feel like this is last minute.
Am I being unreasonable?
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A friend? Have you met/know
A friend? Have you met/know friend? If not, then no. I think you are being reasonable.
Yes. Him and his wife
Yes. Him and his wife sometimes watch BS for Ex when he is working. I've known them for awhile, but they are Ex's friend.
I know that the friend though has spoken badly about me to BS. He acts like he is doing ME a favor by meeting me to pick up BS. (He's done that a few times).
Then Hell to the no, Zero!
Then Hell to the no, Zero! It's bad enough when an ex pulls PAS. The last thing you need is some jackwagon "buddy" of your exdh putting in his two cents. No, no, no!
When Ex and I first broke up
When Ex and I first broke up this friend made some passive aggressive comments about me to BS and BS relayed them back to me. I'm thinking...really dude? You don't really know your friend (Ex) at all.
It's been like this for the
It's been like this for the past 4+ years. In 12 years he's probably only had his license for 6 months total.
Nope. All the nope. We have a
Nope. All the nope. We have a similar situation with our BM-DWI's and the like. She either find a ride, or DH or I drop him by at our convenience and pick up time will not change for any reason.
Their bullsh*t can't take over your life. You're entitled to some peace. If it's that important to him, he'll figure it out. Any extra driving you do is a favor for him and for the benefit of your BS. Make sure dad remembers that.
Right. Normally I would be
Right. Normally I would be like "Okay" and bend for him. But I'm like F that. I want to say goodbye to my son before he leaves. I'm tired of bending for his ride situation because he can't get his shit together.
I am right there with you!
I am right there with you! You're allowed to put your foot down.
The point is, plans were made
The point is, plans were made and constantly changing them is not acceptable nor is it a nice way to try to live. I played BM's ridiculous games too long before I decided I was done. And if he's leaving in Wednesday not to return until Sunday if want to see him too. I also would not be okay with a "friend" picking him up without his dad present-what could possibly be more important,
Right... it's just the
Right... it's just the constant changing of plans, etc. It is getting old...
I left for work before he
I left for work before he woke up for school on Tuesday and I won't see him until Sunday morning/afternoon.
I think so too! Thank you...
I think so too! Thank you...
I wouldn't necessarily
I wouldn't necessarily prevent this from happening because I will miss my son and I want to see him before he goes, but I would if I wanted to make sure he was being picked up on time and by the proper person. I would worry myself sick otherwise.
I would stick with the
I would stick with the original plan. You have already accommodated him more than enough times.
First, I didn't realize that
First, I didn't realize that you and I have the same ex! Sounds just like him!Except he now has a girlfriend (finally) that is willing to be taxi cab.
Second, NO. You are not being unreasonable. My kids were not even allowed to answer the door at age 11 even if I was home. Adults answer the door. I would want to make sure my child was safe and that this person wasn't some random crazy person before I put them in a car with them. You are being completely reasonable.
No. Just no. Random people
No. Just no. Random people don't drive your kid around. What does the CO say about transportation?
We don't have a CO. Since we
We don't have a CO. Since we were never married and in my state unless he takes me to court he technically has no rights. But I work with him all the time.
Maybe it's time to have a
Maybe it's time to have a convo or send a letter reminding your ex that you're flexible, but not a pretzel? He's had years to come up with a more permanent transportation solution.
I'd also be concerned about who's doing the pickups, if they're licensed, insured, etc.
It wasn't just that I wanted
It wasn't just that I wanted to say goodbye even though that was one of the main reasons. When I rushed out of the house yesterday morning to go to work I thought, oh I will have time to tell BS goodbye before he gets picked up. I'm one of those people, it's important to tell someone goodbye, you never know what will happen.
But really it was I'm tired of being flexible with Ex and then he still changes the plan. Originally someone was coming to get him at noon on Wednesday. Then that changed to Tuesday 4:30/5:00 because of his ride situation. It's always something with him.
I'm sorry I would not do what
I'm sorry I would not do what you are doing or did in the past....
CO states that Dad can have visitation.... you are not with holding BS from him, if he can't make a plan then it's not on you but on him, wavering his visitation, and no I will not let my kid drive with any Tom Dick and Harry
Usually when it's a pick up-
Usually when it's a pick up- Ex is with the person driving. Because it's usually some random person I don't know. Or Ex seems to have a person that he comes with a lot and then poof that person is gone one day. They probably get tired of being used by Ex.
This friend, I have known from when Ex and I were together. So I feel more comfortable with him picking up BS without Ex. The guy gets on my nerves though. I feel like he thinks he is doing ME a favor when he has given BS a ride to his dad. Ummm no. Plus I know he kind of talked shit when Ex and I split up. But whatever.
While I was driving home from work, Ex texted me and told me that friend was at the house. He ended up waiting like 15 minutes for me to get home and just waited outside and when I got home, I helped BS get his stuff together and said goodbye and sent him on his way. That I was fine with.
I was not okay with the plan that Ex was trying to change- have friend get BS when I wasn't home.
I'm going to quit being so flexible. Normally I would say- Oh friend doesn't want to wait for the agreed upon pick up time, that is okay, I'll just drive him to you.