Kids In Bars.....
Yes you read that right.
BM took and by took I mean we dropped off with clear ideas as to where SS would be and who he would be with the whole weekend-at BM's uncle's with BM where BM is now habitating after ex gave her the boot for getting a DWI driving his car.
She hasn't seen him hardly at all since August-i think they've had 1 4 hour visit pre-dwi when her latest flavor of the week was in the picture. They've had maybe a handful of conversations. Most recently he called her-she said she'd call him right back and then blew him off. He called her the next day asking "why didn't you call me right back?" The kid waited by the phone for an hour I kid you not. His first words were "did mom call me back?" the next morning.
He was supposed to stay with his uncle while his mom went to work (she works at a bar-bar not like a restaurant bar).
He ended up, of course bounced between the uncle's, the bar, a friend's house and his aunts house in the matter of 50 hours he was with her.
Before he went to his aunts-BM brought SS11 to work. SS just randomly said "I was watching a show at mom's work". It was so random I didn't understand the sentence the first time-so I asked "you watched a show about mom's work?"
He repeated sentace. I began to understand-I asked him what time he was at mom's work-he didn't know-I asked if it was day time or night time. He said it was daytime and then mom's friend picked him up and brought him to his aunts. He then complained that BM told him he could stay with uncle-I told him that's what she told me and his dad too and I can't answer for why or how or when that changed.
I then told him that if he ends up at mom's work again he can call and we'll come pick him up.
He said his mom wanted him to spend time with his aunt. I gentily explained that bats aren't really a place for kids.
He wore the same clothes two days in a row and didn't brush his teeth all weekend.
The bar is notorious for fights and indesireable behavior. I don't know what SO is gonna do about it but he's PO'd in the other room.
It's a little less concerning to me that it was during daylight hours-but really? I wouldn't bring my dog to that bar.
Anyone else have any thoughts on this?
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Comments
Not all bars are created
Not all bars are created equal. Nor are all state or country laws, traditions the same.
A bar can be child friendly. Children are allowed in the bars at Disney World although they are not allowed at the top restaurant on property. I don't see a problem there at all.
A sleezy bar that caters to low life aholes - well no I don't think children belong there.
This is something DH should
This is something DH should be handling not you Hon,
Yes sorry for SS, but dammit you can not care more about his well being then his own parents, just disengage now and save yourself allot of heart ache for the future....
so that show SS watched at BM's work... what show was it... strippers - lucky kid... }:)
Oh he is-Somehow 3 years in
Oh he is-Somehow 3 years in this woman still blows my mind on a regular basis.
See that's the thing it's
See that's the thing it's not-a typical bar-it's notorious for fights, arrests and drugs-but according to SS there weren't many people there sonit gives me some comfort that he wasn't at happy hour....I've cared for this child for 7 months mostly on my own (SO just finished renovating our home)-it makes me uneasy knowing what I know about that place.
See that's kind of how I
See that's kind of how I feel. I'm staying out of it-she visits SS once every 3 months lately and the rest of the time it's quiet and nice and SO can deal with her tri-monthly problems.
But smdh Fruity.
I totally agree.
I totally agree.
well momma, my mom used to
well momma, my mom used to take my brother and i and my baby sister to the bar. it was a seedy, rundown place. but it was her hangout spot, she was friends with the owner, and to her a totally normal situation. baby sis would cruise around in her walker, bro and i would play pool, darts, drink soda and screw around with the jukebox. it was always during the day, there was hardly any other customers there.
that being said, dad would have FREAKED if he ever found out. but to mom it was a place she felt comfortable in so she didnt think twice about it. momma, the bm might not have thought twice about taking her son to a place she feels totally comfortable in. at least it's not a roach motel infested by meth addicts. BUT BUT BUT your dh should absolutely say something to her about HIM not being comfortable w/ ss there, AND if your ss was uncomfortable, then he's got every right to call you guys for a rescue.
my heart breaks for ss, waiting on a call that never came through, and then getting bounced around for two days w/o much care or attention from the woman he was supposed to be visiting. just love him and be his rock. it's heartbreaking when a kid realizes what his mother really is but it's not something you can shield them against.
Same here. My dad would take
Same here. My dad would take us to the local bar during the day sometimes when we were little. We would drink Cokes and eat peanuts. I'm still alive and suffer no psychological trauma over it.
my parents never took me to a
}:) }:) my parents never took me to a bar, first time I walked into one on my own - never came out and well I'm a bad BM - raised Deigma in a bar.... obviously during open hours
Thanks for the perspective
Thanks for the perspective Tuff. It was during the day and he said no one was really there so I didn't jump on the "she's such a POS" train immediately but I know with this BM's track record and past antics-giving her the benefit of the doubt has always come back to bite me in the a$$ when processing situations with SO so I just kept my mouth shut.
Thankfully SS is fine as far as the bar goes and that's all I can really do is make sure he's okay. Thank you for the grounding-it's what I was looking for
you're welcome, momma.
you're welcome, momma. unless she's doing something illegal, all your dh can do is express how inappropriate he views it. maybe she'll take that to heart, but if not she's still his mother and when ss is with her she controls where he is and what he does. if ss is ok w/ it and he's not in any clear and present danger, your dh has to let her mother the way she sees fit, on her time.
You are right. I just hope if
You are right. I just hope if it happens again nothing happens in front of him or to him.
Well as a kid whose
Well as a kid whose visitation with my dad usually took place in the local bar... LOL... but that was a long time ago. I dont think there was crime or drama there. I don't really remember it. I just remember eating snacks and playing the games and sometimes whining about being bored.
But it sounds like this bar isn't safe. No idea what your BM was thinking.
Even if I had the ability to
Even if I had the ability to understand what goes through her head I'm not entirely sure I would want to sometimes.
Was the bar open at the time
Was the bar open at the time or was it before opening? She might just have been setting up for the day. I would look at the positives, BM has a job, BM is showing her son that going to work is important, she is spending more time with him by taking him to work with her.
The thing is, she blows him
The thing is, she blows him off for "work" all the time-all summer she would call and tell him she was going to get him, not show up, not call and ignore him for weeks because she was "working" all the while posting pictures of her out partying on FB until SS's birthday where she posted photos of her clearly drunk at a concert and a friend of hers said that "that seems like a nice way to celebrate SS's birthday".
And she just got a DWI on a night she was supposed to get SS and then couldn't because she was "working". For her work is an excuse to get out of parenting-I'm glad she for once at work-but she reassured SO that she had plans for SS while she worked this weekend that she clearly lied not only to SO but SS about. SS has autism-he NEEDS structure and predictability. He's usually reeling for days after a visit with BM-which oddly didn't happen this time-so I'm saying out of it but really landed on the fence in regard to this scenario so I wanted to get some more perspective. I could get behind your silver lining (which I totally appreciate) if it wasn't for the fact I've had to inset my foot into my mouth for defending/giving the benefit of the doubt her so many times.
I kind of had that thought
I kind of had that thought too.
Yeah no in the event I am
Yeah no in the event I am free to go to a bar the last thing I want is a kid there. I need to curse and dance horribly.