The cops finally found sd16
So the cops found sd16 at her BM house last night (where no contact IS ordered). Police wouldn't do a thing to BM. they told police that she had just shown up. sd16 doesn't want to get poor mommy thrown in jail. Yet when they got home sd16 told me everything while dh was out. SD16 was acting like a spoiled brat. "I'm just going to keep running away until I get what I want. I want my mommy" then the fits by the sd began. The two of them were getting so heated I told DH to go outside. That the boys (4 &7) didn't need to hear all this garbage. so he did. and while he was outside SD16 completely changed. was polite to me and not being a bitch. I confronted her on it and said its not right to treat dh like that. she started her crying shit all over again.
Then her aunt called:
backstory:( Aunt think im the bad guy. I've done everything wrong. I had no right to have the feelings ive had. we have had significant words over the last 8 years. lots of drama. so when sd16 when to live with her she said no matter what you pull you will come back here. you need stability and I have that)
so when aunt talked to sd it went like this
aunt: you have anything to say
sd: no
aunt: do you have anything to say
sd: no is there something im supposed to say
aunt: you little bitch you tell everyone I abuse you, you put fake bruises with makeup all over you. tell them how horrible I am and that I don't care about you school work and you have nothing to say
sd:sure don't
aunt: im done with you. they were right.
Then dh comes in the house. next conversation
sd: sorry im being such a bitch. mom (as in me step mom) pointed it out I just want you to know. I don't respect you. You never do anything for me. only mom (me)
does. she has more balls then you. and actually came over to moms(bm) and looked for me.
dh:wow... thanks shuv the knife a little farther in sd.
sd:its the truth and when I get to go live with mom(bm) I want to see mom(me)and my lil brothers. and that's it
okay she I don't im at a loss for words... cause heres some things she told me about bms house
theres bedbugs and fleas and no hot water? I told her shut up I didn't want to hear about it and it wasn't helping her case. she begged me to take a bath in dog flea and tick shampoo.... wtf?
I don't get it this women is awful! she is nasty she does drugs most of the time. she only wants sd when she can get $$. when we tried to let her live with her it only last 17 days before they had ran away/kick her out.
now with all that being said if I won't let her live with me because she beat the shit out of me last time and said dh held her down while I kick her...the lies get really far out there. do we just sign our rights over? how do I feel about her only wanting to see me. Like I do love this girl...but it is not in my best interest to or my kids.
my thoughts are very random in this im sorry
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for the past 8 years.
for the past 8 years.
drugs and overdoses and bm
drugs and overdoses and bm would never show up to court.
If she physically assaults
If she physically assaults you, Her BM is not fit, She is rude and hateful and refusing to live with BD and the aunt has disowned her......
Her fanny would go to Juvie or some other foster system. I would NOT tolerate that behavior. If she cannot be trusted then she needs to go to a group home for juvenile delinquents or some other kiddie jail. Just the facts. My cousin didn't want to follow the rules and his fanny got shipped off to live with other kids who think they have it so damn bad.
juvi won't take her. shes not
juvi won't take her. shes not bad enough.... the cops said "to get into juvi here you have to hurt someone enough to hospitalize them or steal a lot"
we were told if dh gave up rights and gave her to the foster system he would loose the rights to the boys.
shes been in two girls therapeutic homes as well. only thing left is Baptist home and they cant keep her their she will run from there. so he says why do I keep this up I should just give in. She will just run no matter where she goes.
Is she capable of living in
Is she capable of living in her own? Does she have the skills to live in a studio appartment and look after it and get herself to school etc? I don't know if it is legal where you are for someone of her age to do that without an adult, but if you can afford it perhaps it is an option. Tell her that her rent and basic bills will be paid if she keeps up with her school work or some other terms that work for you guys.
If your husband is unwilling to live with her on his own (and it sounds like she would hate that even more anyway) and nothing else has worked so far, maybe giving her the independence she craves might work for her.
Just offering an alternative
Just offering an alternative suggestion to letting her live with her drugged up mother or going to juvi. I do not know the girl so I do not know if she has the skills and common sense to be able live on her own or not. The op feels like she is running out of options. The more suggestions she has perhaps there will be something that will work for them.
I was pushing for her to go
I was pushing for her to go to job core so she could be on her own.
She is only saying those
She is only saying those horrible things to get sympathy out of you and her father. She is only treated her dad like shit because she knows he won't do anything because he is scared of CPS interfering and she will tell more lies--which she likely will. The best solution for you is to empty her bedroom with just the basics: a bed; a dresser with clothes and other feminine things like a brush (but no straightener or anything she can hurt herself with) Lock her window from being able to open at all. Punish her to her room when she starts being disrespectful to either of you or talking about running away. I would also strongly suggest your DH invest in cameras inside and outside the house so that the next time she tries to tell lies about you, you will have camera footage of what really goes on in your house. Including her disrespectful attitude towards y'all. That scene you described above is her trying to play you against your husband because she thinks she can still get something from you. Don't let her break you and your DH down to fighting because she seems to thrive off of being the cause of conflict and getting attention in any way. Have her put in counseling. Take her phone from her and internet. The only time she can spend with her friends is at school. I would email the principal or talk to the guidance counselor at the school and let them know what is going on and ask them what they would suggest. Perhaps sending her on a tour of the local boot camp and telling her that this is her next pit stop might straighten her out a bit.
Or you know...you could just give up and let nature take its course.
everything you said has
everything you said has already been done.... I agree with it all but it just isn't working and we don't have any bootcamps in my state its "inhumane"
I'm really sorry you're
I'm really sorry you're caught up in this madness. Please, please let this girl go. She wants what she wants, and is willing to do anything and hurt anyone to get her way. She is toxic, and the chaos she causes is terrible for your bios. For the sake of the young children in the home, get her out.
I was one of those younger children. My older sister seemed hellbent on breaking every rule and law from the age of eleven. Our home was in a state of constant low-level chaos punctuated with turmoil and crisis, my mother upset and distracted. I was often overlooked while the squeaky wheel got all the resources and I became an anxious, nailbiting kid. And you know what else? I got the Hell away from home as soon as I could. I graduated high school mid-semester, moved away for college, and kept my distance. My mother lost out on a closer relationship with her good kid because of the drama with the bad kid.
I'm sorry for this overlong post, but I always advocate for the other children in situations like yours. Your bios should be your first priority, always. Don't risk losing them. They DESERVE to live in a peaceful, stable home.
This is actually one of the
This is actually one of the most helpful comments I have read thank you for sharing it.
to be emancipated you have to
to be emancipated you have to have means to support yourself. which she doesn't seem to have. a want too!thats why I was thinking job core but dh says that's stupid it didn't help him he just made worse friends got out of there and left. my dh just told me that its his choice so hes planning on doing this and we are washing our hands of her because its not fair to me or the kids or even himself. dh said hes seen me make myself absolutely sick and the boys have too and hes seen them get overwhelmed and act out for the last time.
SD keeps on running from you
SD keeps on running from you and DH to be with BM - well stop bringing her back dammit- let her go to BM..