How the little things get to you.....
So we requested (through the mediator) a copy of BM's insurance coverage for SD15, income information for BM and SD20, college costing and student loan amounts received for SD20 and a couple of other things. She sends along the the info to the mediator who forwards along to us. All well and good.
After reviewing the information we find that the Vision section she printed off empty from the website states "We are unable to display the requested information at this time. Please refer to your handbook or contact a representative".
So we go back to the mediator and ask for it again. Being the great mediator she is all she does is forward on BM's reply to us.
BM : This vision care information was included in the package I printed off the government website and gave to DH, but here it is again. If I take the time to obtain and submit information, I would appreciate it if he would read it.
Also, both of our daughters have suffered profound psychological effects as a result of the breakdown of our family and their strained relationship with their father. I have been instructed by mental health professionals to lighten their load of stress as much as possible as they both have ineffective coping at this time. I request that DH leave the girls out of this. I do not want either of them made to feel they are causing hardship on their father. This agreement is in the girls best interest and I would like to keep it that way. They do not need to feel guilty about receiving support from their father and I would appreciate it if this was kept between DH and I.
I have been very cooperative in trying to come to an agreement. I have provided all information that has been requested. I have done my part. I want this resolved as quickly as possible. After saying that, I would like DH to know that I will be requesting retroactive payment to the date our application went to FJS if this is not resolved by November 15th. I believe my proposal is very fair and if he doesn't agree my proposal is off the table and we can let the court decide.
1. DH has been divorced since 2013
2. The "girls" are 15 and 20 and have not to our knowledge seen a therapist as it hasn't gone through our insurance.
3. When there is no money for weekend spending, Christmas, or Birthdays...does she think we won't tell them why?
4. Basically we have to agree to everything she is saying...or court. She is requesting full CS amounts for both kids plus post secondary expenses. What happened to mediation and negotiation?
I'm not sure who the bigger ***hole is..the mediator or not mediating anything other than the forward button on email...or BM for being a self-righteous, full of herself B****.
Or it could be me...because I'm to the point that I don't even what to hear tell of the poor snowflakes....and that's hard on DH because it is still his kids.
That is my vent...phew!
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Just know now to assume any
Just know now to assume any emails you send to the mediator will be forwarded in entirety to BM. I have no experience with mediators but that does not seem very professional. Sounds like you will be heading to court. Good luck.
Strange isn't the word. The
Strange isn't the word. The first meeting DH had was for the mediator to tell DH what BM wanted. That was it. Everything since has been through email...or mediator hitting the forward button. Not one suggestion or comment...nothing.
We are also going to put a
We are also going to put a clause in the agreement that SD15 needs to see a therapist. And BM and DH have to take a parenting course meet with the therapist to learn how to teach her coping skills.
the girls you are referring
the girls you are referring to as "our girls" - are they yours or your DHs?
Breakdown of your family? strained relationship with their father?
What am I missing??
the talk of BM makes me think these are DH's daughters, but the way you describe them leaves me scratching my head??
WOW her response sound
WOW her response sound typical of what you hear on here.
She doesn't provide correct info, claims she does and spins it turns it back to the trauma of the children because it is all dads fault. AND she is trying to protect them from the bad bad man.
WOW...just wow.
Why wasn't the child support modification done when the when first child hit the emancipation age?
Anyway,
Double check your states guidelines of college. You can google it. Some states allow it, some states WILL not order parents to except $$ responsibility. Now, taking it further. IF 20year old is away at college and court order does NOT reflect he and Bm agree to paying...DH should have NOT paid full support because the kid was not living at home. Follow that. KID not at home, child support should be not the same amount.
Also BM would have had to request for college money before the kids ended up in the dorm NOT after the fact.
Again check your state. THIS could be a huge bluff on her part. DO NOT agree to anything before you are clear on what your state LAWS ARE. IF dad agrees to it, well then he is on the hook. DO NOT agree to anything except, paying for the 15 year olds obligations.
Some courts will do 1/3 kid/ 1/3 BM and 1/3 dh for college. I do not agree that parents should be mandated to pay for something married couples are not ordered to do.
Keep in mind child support is title funding and big big bucks for each state for awards given on collection. The longer the hook the more money for the state.
Also, check in the college website...most college insists each student pay have the college medical clinic insurance. They do not have a choice.
Mediation works great WHEN two adults are fair, mature, transparent. Mediation will not work with someone who behaves like you wrote SHE said above.
Check your laws ok? IF you have a lawyer, he/she SHOULD have already told you "ehhhh bm is bluffing, she can try but this state wont allow it"
KEEP THIS POST GOING,,,I am very interested in the outcome.
When the little things bother
When the little things bother you, it's symptomatic of the larger problem. I believe that is BM.
I'm sorry Mine. Hopefully you can get a new mediator.
When did it become inappropriate to teach kids about budgeting? These aren't middle school kids.
I think the only reason why a
I think the only reason why a BM would want your DH to hush about how much money he is sending to their mom for them would be if she isn't using it on them like she is supposed to or if she is playing the "Poor" card and the amount of money he is giving her makes that unbelievable. She can hardly tell the kids she cant buy them new socks for Christmas if they remind her that their dad sent over 1800$ (or whatever) on the 1st of the month. By telling the kids they are keeping BM honest with her spending by so much. I don't see how showing them how household finances work is hurting them or her at all. It's YOUR household and YOUR money.
Anyway, I hate when BM sends these long emails listing all the things she's doing to make it seem like she is doing above and beyond the call of CO when the reality is that she is the most difficult and sneakiest person to deal with when no one is watching. Dh is dealing with this now. BM is throwing quotes from the custody order at him trying to prove that DH has to be her personal secretary. Yeah, no. It's driving me insane they try to twist the situation to make us look like the difficult ones for not doing every single thing they want.
COPY and PASTE from
COPY and PASTE from mediator.....
"Unlike court, mediation is a time where both parties can feel free to discuss all matters that concern them – fact based and emotion based. Mediation can be quite an emotional process and all parties should feel free and comfortable to bring up any matter that they feel needs to be discussed, especially when it concerns the best interests of the children. If either parent feels that a child has been going through a difficult time, mediation is a safe zone to bring up these concerns.
Sometimes mediation does not work and it does need to go to Court. I cannot force either party to agree to the other’s request and sometimes one, or both parties have very strong positions that they are not willing to deviate from – that is why I always recommend to people that they speak with a lawyer.
Due to the fact that you are both stating that you feel your proposals so far have been very fair, I do believe you should continue with your plan on seeing a lawyer (Nov. 3rd I believe?). Your lawyer can advise you what he/she feels a court would decide and what would be a fair proposal, especially since you have mentioned a claim of undue hardship. Undue hardship is a difficult claim to be successful with, therefore your lawyer can advise you based on the information you present, whether or not he/she thinks it would be a successful claim.
The starting point for child support is special expenses to be shared proportionate to income and child support according to the guidelines when the children are living at home with one parent. Other factors do come into play and a claim for undue hardship will look at the standard of living between households – any income of anyone who lives with both parties.
Hope that helps."
So from this I get that BM is not open to negotiations and if DH doesn't agree with BM, it's going to court. Our lawyer is mentioned way to many times for us to believe otherwise.
NOV 3 is the lawyer's appointment. Guess it will go from there...but the waiting is just so hard!