Skids at Birthday Party Issue
My friend is having a birthday party for her two year old. I just told DH about the party and he asked if we had the kids that weekend and I said yes. DH immediately says, "Oh great, they can come too."
I don't want the skids there. I just want to go with DH and DS1. I wasn't sure what to say to DH at that moment, so I just said, "Oh, yeah, right." I'm sure it's fine by the hosts if the skids come (they have never met the skids), but I don't feel comfortable with it and I don't want them there, particularly SS. He will just stay in a corner and not socialize with anyone including us, plus both kids will make faces at the food that is served. They do it to me, so I'm sure they'll do it there even if their intention is not to be rude. Plus, they are 16 and 12 yrs old. It's just not a party for them in my opinion. I know DH wants me to integrate them more into my life, but I don't want to, especially since I really don't like SS and especially at this party for toddlers.
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This is an easy fix. Just do
This is an easy fix. Just do what an intact family with a huge age difference would do- split up for a few hours.
You take your son to the party while husband and his oldest 2 do something else.
NO THEY JUST CANT COME TOO IF
NO THEY JUST CANT COME TOO IF THEY WEREN'T INVITED. This is a party for toddlers. Skid weekend, DH parents his kids while you take BD1.
I agree. I should clarify
I agree. I should clarify though. It's a birthday party in celebration of a toddler, but not a toddler party. I'm positive that there won't be other kids their age to play with. I agree that it's tacky to ask and since the skids have never gone to any other get together that my friend has hosted, she wouldn't expect the skids to come. I really did want DH to come though. But, if he feels bad that we would be going to an event with DS without the other kids during our scheduled time with the skids, then he should hang out with them instead. Thanks for the advice.
you should've laughed and
:jawdrop: you should've laughed and said.... idiot your kids are teens, this is a toddler party have you lost all your marbles...
I told you I'm taking DS to this party... thus you have to arrange something for your kids and be there for them, cause I will not be available... I did not ask if they could come...
seriously
"Why do people think that
"Why do people think that their children are automatically welcome anywhere???"
Easy - they have no clue what to do with their children, how to engage with them, how to teach them anything in life, thus it's way easier to take the kids with... let the kids become some one else's problem... maybe the host has children or nannies who can look after our special snow flakes cause we have no interest in doing so
next time do it!!!
next time do it!!!
Just to further clarify this
Just to further clarify this particular situation. My friend who is throwing the party knows I have stepkids, but at every other gathering that I've been to that she hosts, the skids happen to be at their mom's, so this issue never came up before. I know it's tacky to ask if the skids would be invited too and I'm very reluctant to ask, but I really think it would be ok by her. I'm sure that there will be couples with and without kids at the party, so it's not a party just for toddlers.
That said, I would have a terrible time at the party if SS was there. I'm sure SS would not want to be there and would just find a seat in a corner and play games on his phone. If he went it would be because DH is dragging him. SD loves little kids and would help out, but she is also clingy. I wouldn't blame her, I would be too at a party full of unknown adults and toddlers.
I'm particularly upset at DH for putting me in this situation. He should have asked me my opinion first before assuming they were invited and coming to the party. And, he should have just thought about the fact the kids would not have a good time. I think, for him, he wants the skids to feel included. He sees this as an event that the whole family is invited to, so to him it means the skids come too.
I wasn't sure what to say at
I wasn't sure what to say at that moment, so yeah, I should not have said what I did. He didn't ask though. He said that they could come too since we had them that week. It wasn't a question.
I wouldn't bring my OWN bio
I wouldn't bring my OWN bio teenagers to a toddler party, let alone my stepkids! find a way out.
I had a parent attempt to
I had a parent attempt to drop off 2 kids when only one had been invited to a birthday party. We were going to play paint ball and I only had X spots. I said sorry but no, you can't just leave him here.
She was pissed and said if they both couldn't stay, neither could. I grab a gift bag (another problem) for the one kid who'd been invited and sorry bud, wish you could have stayed.
I felt sorry for the kid but seriously, I'd paid for X kids and the extra one would have had to sit with me while the kids played. Because the one didn't go, I got to play.
Oh and she knew it was paint ball. The invitations were paint ball themed and had all the info.
So I guess one kid being
So I guess one kid being invited to a b'day party means free babysitting for all the kids?
How rude.
You can always change your
You can always change your mind. Tell DH,"I've been giving it some thought, and it's just not a good idea to drag the skids along to a party with a bunch of people they've never met where there won't be anyone in their age range or who shares their interests. They won't have any fun, and frankly, neither will we if we have to spend our time either entertaining them or pushing them to socialize. I suggest that they entertain themselves at home for an hour or two while we go, or that you stay with them while DS and I go."
I was once oddly included in a wedding. I was visiting an uncle who was officiating the wedding that particular weekend, and he said he checked with the bride and groom and I was welcome to join. So I bought a gift and sat with my cousins and made polite conversation with some other couples who sat with us. I had met the bride and groom once before, and we were part of the same big-picture community, and it was a lovely event. But weird. Weirder now that I'm reading this thread!
Just providing an update. I
Just providing an update. I didn't get the official invitation to the party until well after my post. It turned out that it was being held at a center for little kids and not at a home. Since that was the case, there was no way that I was even going to ask to bring the older skids. It was clear cut to me that it would be socially inappropriate to have them there.
I did find it interesting though that DH had no clue about the inappropriateness. He brought up bringing the skids again before we got the invitation and I said that I didn't think it was a good idea. We didn't finish the conversation so it was still left hanging. When I got the invitation, I gave DH the details and he was still clueless that the skids shouldn't go. After I asked him what his opinion was, he basically just said he had none and he didn't care whether the skids went with us or not. So, DH, me, and DS went and we left the skids at home.
Next time, I'll be more direct to DH sooner. I stewed on this issue for a long time and apparently DH could not have cared either way (or that's at least what he's presenting to me). I also prepped myself emotionally for the possibility of going to the party alone and how I would feel if DH felt like he didn't want to leave the skids home for a few hours, but I didn't need to stress myself out. Also, I'm wondering if most men are just clueless about this stuff or if it's just my DH. But, I'm pretty sure other men would have understood. My DH has a hard time reading emotion and can come off as socially inappropriate or inconsiderate at times.