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I got married

Sweet T's picture

Submitted by Sweet T on Thu, 08/25/2016 - 12:00pm

I didn't want to hijack black holes blog but wanted to answer Mustang's question if this was my 2nd or 3rd marriage.

It is my third and his first. I always think that sounds horrible but I met my first husband in 94, my second in 05 and my Italian two years ago today. I am 48 next week so it is not like I married three guys in 5 years. I am self sufficient, can support myself and am totally ok being on my own... it just kind of worked out this way.

I married in my 20's to my first husband who was 10 years older than me. He was a nice guy, really pushed me to be successful. I was the high wage earner for the majority of our relationship/marriage of 10 years. We had a beautiful home & business. Thing is I wanted a child, he did not but every year he would tell me next year, and then next year and then next year we would have a baby. He did this till I was in my 30's and then confessed he didn't want one. This was my deal breaker. Our divorce was amicable, we split everything fairly and moved on. I met BS's dad and our first year was pretty good ( there were signs now looking back now but at the time I just didn't realize the significance). He has mental health issues ( diagnosed by a professional ) and was abusive. His parents have little to do with him nor the majority of his family because of his behavior. His abuse was not just limited to me. He is a master manipulator and can be very charming.

So husband #3 is a truck driver and very blue collar, he lived with a woman for 19 years but they never married. He is very different from anyone I have ever dated despite the fact I come from a blue collar family. I have a college education paid for by me and I have a good job that allows me a nice life. He is warm and loving and treats me and my son very well. He is just a good guy, not perfect but a good guy who makes me happy.... and has no ex wife or kids :).

Comments

Sweet T's picture

Submitted by Sweet T on Thu, 08/25/2016 - 12:26pm

We did, he decided to sell his house ( gonna make a nice little profit) and live in my town home that I rent. Next year when the lease is up we will buy a townhome in my son's school district. He is working in this same area so we both have great commutes.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Thu, 08/25/2016 - 12:17pm

Congrats!

Third time is a charm. At least it was for my dad. He's been married to my SM for 19 years! She is wife #3.

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Thu, 08/25/2016 - 12:52pm

Congratulations! So happy for you. I remember your posts when you first started dating him. I am so glad that you found someone perfect for you. I am my husband's third wife and he is my third serious relationship, so I think 3 is a great number!

learningallthetime's picture

Submitted by learningallthetime on Thu, 08/25/2016 - 2:22pm

Congrats! People often judge based on numbers and not facts, so ignore! I am never married, but have BS9. BF has been married twice but no kids. His first was his high school sweetheart, and they grew apart - divorced when the baby was a different color to BF and his ex!! Turned out she was cheating for a LONG time. His second marriage also ended up with her cheating, he went home from work to grab some tools and found her in bed with someone. So, easy to say "wow! You will be wife number 3?!" but not his fault or an issue for me.

I think as you get older you live and learn. Both BF and I are far wiser. We are not yet engaged but recently had a pre-nup meeting so moving in that direction. Only reason for a pre-nup is we are both in late 30's and want to protect finances for each other while both fair and reasonable to attempt to avoid problems in the future should things crop up - both of us were burned badly in the past - BF by ex number 2 and me by my son's father, so we agreed to avoid problems in the future if we can.

notsobad's picture

Submitted by notsobad on Thu, 08/25/2016 - 3:24pm

Congratulations!

My Mom is wife number 3 to my stepdad. First one he walked in on her and his boss in bed, she's the mom to his kids.
Second one was for 10 years and they just grew apart. He drove truck and was never home. He was engaged to another woman but caught her stealing out of his wallet when she thought he was asleep.
I think he's a serial monogamist. He likes being in a relationship and if he's going to live with someone he wants to be married. I'm sure if my Mom passed he'd find someone else, even at 75 years old.
He and my Mom have been married for over 21 years.

SIL is number 3 to her SO. His first was when they were young and she got pregnant, they have 2 kids and have a very amicable relationship, they are like old school friends.
Second one was a bit of a trophy wife, she was younger, pretty and seemed to be wild about him, yes he has a high income. He sees it now but at the time he was blinded by her. They have 2 kids as well. She was horrible to him and would tell him that if he left her no one would ever want him.
He would be That Guy, the one with 2 divorces and 4 kids, women would run screaming from him.
SIL and he are very happy, he's a great guy and very good with all the kids.

Sweet T's picture

Submitted by Sweet T on Thu, 08/25/2016 - 7:35pm

I know that I personally handle things much differently than I have in the past. I believe that I have learned to step back when there is a stressful situation verses my need in the past to resolve or fix it. I am also maintainin separate finances. We will most likely have a joint for certain expenses but we will not co mingle money. I do not want to worry about what he spends his on nor do I ever want to have to answer to a man about what I spend mine on.

My mom likes him because he is good to us and has a level head.