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"So happy about my family"

TwoOfUs's picture

Submitted by TwoOfUs on Wed, 07/06/2016 - 8:19am

Quick question for stalkers.

I feel like the skids are growing up nicely, and lately DH and I have had many good talks with them about careers, college, etc. The older two (SDstb20 and SS18) seem to finally be getting some good ideas and launching a bit. SDstb20 has rejected us for years is coming around to us and being...almost like a normal person. All in all, I'm happy with how we're transitioning into a more adult relationship with the skids. DH, of course, is thrilled.

So...my question. The other morning after a particularly good talk with SS18...DH hugs me, tells me he's so grateful for me...and that he's "so happy about [his] family."

Why does this make me feel sad and sick and panicky inside? Things are going well...I am happy about these things, just as DH is. So why do I feel like vomiting when he says this?

Comments

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Wed, 07/06/2016 - 8:35am

You are probably worried that your DH will now let his guard down and end up being manipulated or used.

One never knows when it will take a bad turn.

TwoOfUs's picture

Submitted by TwoOfUs on Wed, 07/06/2016 - 6:12pm

Good point. I do feel like DH puts me first most of the time, and he expresses excitement about "us" sans kids all the time. However, I am childless...and I would like to have a child. Maybe that's why it stings. I think, subconsciously, I'm worrying that, even though we're trying to have our own...if we're unable he'd still be fine while I'd be devastated...bc he's already "so happy" with his family...

I don't know. Part of me knows that's not what he means...he's just glad everyone is getting along... But I still don't trust it...

Is_What_It_Is's picture

Submitted by Is_What_It_Is on Wed, 07/06/2016 - 4:54pm

Many reasons - I'm guessing the one where it doesn't feel like "family" for you yet. You have nothing invested yet, no trust, not sure if they will do what they are saying, etc. And could it possibly be that a little bit of you is wondering where you are going to fit into this "family" - being a step, it's hard to feel as if your rightful place is above the (his) children, right next to him - will he still place you as his first priority or make you feel second to his 'first' family.

Those are some of the questions that plague me.... lol.