Just wanted to post an update on the ultimatums I gave my DH.

-Adult SD always makes a huuuuge deal about coming to our home when she is town. She was just here for two weeks and did not set a single cloven-hoof on my property. I don't know how DH weaseled out of that one. Nor do I care. Victory is mine!

--SS and SD invited us to a Father's Day BBQ. I declined to attend. DH got a little whipped up over my refusal but I wouldn't bite. He claimed he wouldn't attend without me. I told him that's too bad. His decision. He ultimately went (of course). It was great. He came home happy and I saved myself from a miserable day. Skids got to spend time with dad. Victory is everyone's!

--SD and DH are in frequent contact via phone and text. This was tricky for me because I am very nosy by nature. Plus it riles me when she asks about personal stuff and I hear them discussing it. But you know, talking about her with DH just gave her more space in my brain. Now it is my habit NOT TO TALK OR THINK ABOUT HER. Victory is mine!

--DH spends as much time with skids as they all want. They don't seem to want to spend much time with him, but that's not my problem.

--Stopped signing holiday/birthday cards for skids and gskid (who I am not allowed access to). Told DH that if he wants, he can sign both our names or just his. Don't know how he signs the cards and don't care. This has really reduced my resentment over being ignored by skids on every special day of my life. Victory is mine!

I don't take any more of gaslighting, passive-aggressive crap from DH. As a result we haven't had any of the major blowouts that we used to have on a regular basis. Going to therapy by myself was the best move I ever made.

On the negative side--
I am not over-confident. I can't tell you how hard it is sometimes, like when I said no re: signing the holiday/birthday cards. It is not my nature to be so bitchy as to not sign a stupid card. So the struggle to detach is real, lol. I also believe that DH thinks that I will soften regarding SD's ban over time. And, I think if SD actually understood she was banned from my home she would up the ante with Daddy. I don't worry about these things on a regular basis, but I know they are out there.