Took action - in law drama

Ok ladies, I bit the bullet. (see link for backstory: https://www.steptalk.org/node/228888)

I did some thinking about WHY this has been so difficult for me. A variety of reasons.

1. I am in perimenopause and got my period for the first time in 5 months this week. Can you say hormones?

2. I have been putting myself last for a long time, and putting others first instead. No wonder I am tired and feel unappreciated. I am scared to change, because I think if I don't do exactly what others want me to do, they will reject me. But... I'm not happy with how I feel when I'm 'earning' approval. Life in progress.

3. I was not getting what I need from DH or from my social life. DH has set his alarm for 8pm and then he takes some time to help me with my goals. Some days he is more help than others, and I don't know if this habit will stick, but I like the daily attention and the regular progress towards things I care about.

4. I have significantly cut back on time with MIL/SIL (deets below) so A. I am spending less time and energy with and worrying about relationships that are not easy or particularly rewarding for me and B. I am freeing up that time and energy to use to enjoy myself and possibly be available to meet new people who could become friends.

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Instead of seeing MIL/SIL 5 days per week, it's now 2.

Monday - I pick DD up from the creche SIL works at
Thursday - I pick DD up from MIL before dinner or from the creche SIL works at. (Which is still not determined.)

Changes - I switched gym locations Monday, Tuesday and Saturday. I texted MIL & SIL and told them DD won't be going swimming on Wednesdays for a while. In that text I asked MIL if she still wanted to pick up DD on Thursdays, and if so, would she like a fixed time for me to pick her up.... I haven't heard back yet. (If I don't hear by noon tmw, I will just pick her up myself and MIL can suck it if she goes to pick DD up at 1pm and finds I've already done so.) So I no longer see MIL Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays or Saturdays, and I no longer see SIL Wednesdays or Saturdays.

In my head, I've given this new world order about 6 weeks, and then I'll re-evaluate. That's when my current Wednesday afternoon babysitter will be leaving, and I'd be looking to change DD's schedule anyway.

moeilijk's blog
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Comments

This is such good news! So

This is such good news! So much of your old life was about striving to fit yourself in - to a different country, to your DH's family and life and culture- no wonder you hit a wall. This new order recognizes and prioritizes your needs and goals, as is only right. You will be a better mother and wife for it, and your marriage will likely be more balanced.

I do hope your MIL and SIL are intelligent enough to realize they stand to lose access to your DH and child if they don't alter their behavior, however from what you've described their dynamic is a very unhealthy one so it's probably best to have zero expectations from that quarter.

Go You!!