Yesterday, I sent my partner a text message (been together 7 years, married almost 2, we are both women) stating that I thought it might be a good idea to sit down this weekend and have a conversation about the oldest in the house who will be graduating and an adult soon. Clearly, this was a mistake. She stated that all I did was make her mind wander and that it was a horrible thing to do. I did it this way because we are a high conflict couple. We cannot have conversations about kids (specifically hers) without it getting out of control on the fly, so I tried this. We do actually sit down last night and we were talking about what the boundaries are and I mentioned that all of the lies (she will lie about everything. What she wore, what she eats, where she's been...she does have a diagnosis of disassociative disorder--or multiple personalities) really get to me and she just made excuses for her. It led to me saying that no one should have to live like that (she's created a lot of drama in the last 6 months). My partners perception is skewed sometimes because in conflict all she hears is "I'm leaving" instead of let's find a way to resolve this so we all can live without the chaos of the last several months. The whole thing blew up. She tells me it's over, we are both yelling, and the kid comes out of her room. I asked her to go back to her room and she crossed her arms and said no. What's worse, my partner then stood in front of her kid, faced me and also told me no, that her kid was there to protect her. I feel completely betrayed. Listen, I understand the mental health issue here with her kid, and I hit a sore spot or something. But never did I mean I was leaving, but she always takes it that way. Always. Deep down I know she is very insecure and she cannot be left...she has to leave so she often jumps the gun and ends it with me. Every. Single. Time.

I was so angry that I told her to "calm her tits"....well, apparently that sparked her issues with past sexual abuse (which I did know about, but I sure wasn't meaning to comments specifically about that. It's just a saying. I know it wasn't nice, I did apologize). All of my wrongdoings came out of her mouth then (which also happens). She asked me how I would feel if she texted me and said she wanted to talk in 4 days about my disabled son moving out. That wasn't even close to what I was doing or saying. So now I hear about how horrible of a person I am for making the clam your... Comment, I'm a bad mom, leave her kids alone, she's got this (but if I ask you to provide transportation for one of them you should), worry about your own kids, remember that time you got drunk and ended up in the shed...and on and on and on. Well beyond me apologizing for how this whole thing went down, that I didn't know I was hitting sore spots, that I can't know that unless you communicate that with me a little better, she continues the character assassination. It's horrible.

I am not perfect, this I am well aware of. But the ongoing comments are a bit much. I am for the most part disengaged from her kids but not because of the kids. It's because she was jealous if I spent time with them outside the house and she wasn't there, tried to make me feel bad about that too. She wants to be the only person who shines in her kids eyes. But when it comes to having another adult in the house, I would imagine being on the same page in terms with sharing a living space with her would be a conversation that is needed. It was supposed to be about things like clean up after yourself, still check in if you're going to be gone long periods of time and so on.

So last thing she says to me this morning is we can maybe work this out, but she's not putting her wedding rings back on. The punishment continues.

Any words of wisdom?