SD has Unleashed the Beast
SD15stb16 has not said a word about DH paying or not paying for college since her PSAT celebration dinner. In the end it worked out so Princess Perfect doesn't have to contribute a dime anyway - so no one had any reason to mention it to her or for her to care who. I assumed that this wasn't even on her radar. She is back this week and she knows about DH's email to BM and she is making sure we know how angry she is.
Old SD was passive agressive and mostly silent. She made me feel uncomfortable in my own home through subtle microagressions. We are now experiencing Day 6 of New SD. New SD is vocal and mean. Her wrath until yesterday was limited to DH and me (and insulting DS1 through me). The gist of it is she is furious that I dared to have an opinion about her college tuition. I should have no say on her future or anything to do with her life. And she said that to my face using horrible and vile language. DH is having lots of talks with her and nothing is making a dent. He says she just has to get it all out of her system and we need to give it some more time.
Last night DD13 was in tears when I got home. DD would not tell me what was wrong and she would not come out of her room for dinner. I brought her a plate and she only ate the vegetables which set off alarm bells in my head. I asked SS12 if anything happened after school and he said he had no idea but he has his headphones on most of the time at home. I'm fairly sure SD said something or several somethings to DD about her weight. DD has gained weight in the past year I are working with her to make healthier choices. I am trying to lose baby weight myself, so I am right there with her. We go to classes at the Y, we are eating healthier and she is losing slow and steady, the healthy way. I went back to DD and asked her if SD said anything that upset her and she said no but she wouldn't look at me and started crying again.
I confronted SD who was doing homework in the living room and she said she had no idea what was wrong. I said, so you didn't say anything to her about her weight. SD said she didn't say anything, but if DD was upset about her weight it wouldn't surprise her, and maybe DD had finally realized if she kept shoving food in her fat face that she would end up with disgusting cottage cheese thighs and a stretch mark covered body just like her mother.
I told her to apologize right now and go to her room. She used her apology to make more insults about my body. Then she said she WAS actually sorry DD was so fat, especially at such a tough age when kids can be so cruel. She laughed and said, oh right, you know all about that.
I walked away because I was about to completely lose it on her. I called DH who was working late and demanded that he come home and deal with her. By the time he got home an hour later she was already in her room watching TV. He said he was sorry but at this point there was nothing he can do, I wanted her in her room and she's in her room. They already had a therapy appointment lined up (happening right now) and he is going in with her and they would talk it out.
DH slept on the couch. I didn't even ask, he said I have been kicking and punching him in my sleep. Good. He has been informed that after therapy unless there are sincere apologies he should make sure SD stays scarce.
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Comments
Your DH didn't do anything
Your DH didn't do anything about what she said to you?
You are a muchbetter woman than me. I would have had a psychob*tch fit.
I stand by what I said previously, SD NEEDS some humility.
Wait, she has a TV in her
Wait, she has a TV in her room after all that?
That and all electronics should be GONE.
Any vile behavior from SDs to me like that and I would be fully engaged with zero guilt.
And I would start recording conversations/arguments with her so that your DH can hear exactly what's going on - you'd have to remain extremely calm and neutral.
Yes there is a tv but she
Yes there is a tv but she watches on her laptop which we are not allowed to take away.
Once, when SD was being a
Once, when SD was being a brat we took away all her electronics. She had an assignment due the next day and she got a zero because she wasn't able to submit it online. She didn't tell us she had this due by the way. If we take her laptop or phone away we have huge problems from BM for interfering with her education. And we have kicked her off the Wi-Fi before she just tethers from her phone.
Are you sure you didn't jump
Are you sure you didn't jump the gun by accusing SD of saying something to DD? Kids at school may have really been what upset DD.
SD didn't lie about what the mess at school was with DS. She said something nasty and she owned it.
SD's behavior towards you this week has indeed been unacceptable and the SD doesn't care what you think of it. But she' not been lying about her anger or hiding it. So why do you think she lied about making DD cry?
Yes, the SD is a snot when it comes to you, but your DD didn't tell you what actually happened. You just assumed and confronted. IMO you should have waited until Dad got home to discipline SD and after you talking more to your DD. If nothing else, then Dad would have seen firsthand what SD cruelly said to you.
That was DH's first reaction,
That was DH's first reaction, too. There is a possibility that it wasnt SD but I think there is a good chance. She has been nasty to me in front of DH and he will pull her aside to talk to her but there are no punishments. He says she must really be hurting to lash out like that and we need to be the adults and deal with it while she works through it.
I think AnotherStep2 below is
I think AnotherStep2 below is right. Mean as a snake.
Hurting or not, who talks to other people that way? She's being maliciously cruel. She doesn't have to like you but that shouldn't give her free rein to vehemently spew such hate... no one should get a free pass on deliberate callousness towards another.
I would have called her
I would have called her mother and gotten rid of her for good. Dad's not home? Then she needs to go back to the evil b!tched that hatched her to deal with. That way she can't make you miserable or attack you and she'll have to find another way to deal with life other than making everyone miserable.
We called BM on Sunday, shes
We called BM on Sunday, shes on a business trip and won't be back until tomorrow morning.
Hmm, so you didn't say
Hmm, so you didn't say "Sweetie, we can lose weight and look smoking hot. You have to work a LOT harder to lose that bitch attitude. You know it makes you look really nasty and ugly. NO makeup can hide a nasty personality. So name call away. I was considering making plans for college for you but now? Forget it! A smart girl would do anything to get help. A stupid girl... well you know..."
Then disconnect the wifi from her TV.
Okay, I'm still thinking
Okay, I'm still thinking about this. I think it is because I have a DD that is the same age so I am imagining DD behaving as you described.
If DD ever spoke to DH (her step dad) like that, I would make her life hell. Absolutely no electronics, restricted to school only indefinitely, the nastiest chores you can think of. She would have her a*s working at the woman's shelter every weekend. She would regret her vile insults more than anything ever.
Actually, I don't think I can truly imagine it. DD is definitely not perfect and she wasn't in the top 95 percentile on the PSAT but I believe that what was said reflects a true desire to hurt and a cruelty that she -and most people-isn't capable of.
I suspect your elitist SD is going to be a very unhappy and lonely woman.
BM is a lawyer.
BM is a lawyer.
What a nasty little viper.
What a nasty little viper. I'm so sorry. So, so upsetting for you and DD.
SD is heading off the rails drastically. Most of me would be watching her downfall, from a safe distance, enjoying it.
Cut yourself, and DD, off from her. Let Daddy continue to fail her. She's not a dog that tiddled on the carpet a few hours beforehand, she is perfectly capable of total recall of those horrible remarks. Daddy,stand up to your child.
It looks like he is scared of her.
The kid shouldn't talk to
The kid shouldn't talk to anyone that way. Period. Ever.
Your husband didn't do
Your husband didn't do anything about this.
He didn't do anything about the vile comment she made about you before.
He basically lied to you about the court order and college expense stuff.
Your son is living with his dad because your husband refused to check his kid.
What is so appealing about this guy?
I started to write a nice
I started to write a nice response to you and memories of the nice things DH does for me were making me smile and feel better about all of this. But DH and SD just walked in the door thick as thieves with leftovers from the cheesecake factory and talking about what car she should get for her birthday (her present from BM's mom and dad). So now I have no idea. Nothing.
I would probably install
I would probably install nanny cams so that you know what the brat is up to. Show them to him to the therapist to anyone who will listen. Then she shouldn't be at the house unless your husband is there.
Talking will do nothing, action is what is needed. He needs to come down hard on her butt. All this 'I can't do anything cause she is in her room' bull crap. he should be ashamed of himself
I said this a few posts ago.
I said this a few posts ago. She is an entitled snot and needs humility. State college would be torture for her. And I still don't buy the crap about her view of state colleges being spoon fed by her parents. If she is so smart, surely the mean-spirited SD can make her own judgments.
Fruit I have a whole
Fruit I have a whole spreadsheet at home that breaks it down year by year for both skids, but the 140k from in laws isn't sitting in a traditional savings account that can just be pooled together. I think the 50k from bonuses is in a 529 so you can change the beneficiary and it all can be used for SD if needed. But if I remember correctly it ended up being nearly 80k that DH would be short all together if college prices kept rising.
The bulk of it was from his
The bulk of it was from his last job, when he got great bonuses yearly. They are much smaller now.
Part of being responsible is
Part of being responsible is also being accountable for one's behavior.
Actions have consequences. I wonder just how fast Grandma and Grandpa would pull that college fund out from under Precious Princess if she dared speak to them in the manner she speaks to other people?
I wouldn't blame my DIL for
I wouldn't blame my DIL for her husband's stupid actions.
SM has done nothing to this brat. H*ll, SM didn't even know about the college agreement. Nor did SM make Dad do anything since Dad and BM divorced.
but NONE of those things are
but NONE of those things are SD's concerns, HRNYC. They are also none of the GRANDPARENT'S concerns....
SD is a KID....
Your BM is just a shinin' through, as usual.
As someone else said, how you get from A to D is simply amazing...
Any grandkids of mine would
Any grandkids of mine would get the reality check from hell if I even suspected they turned their rabid mouths loose on others the way this little witch has.... that grandkids would learn real fast that my broom is bigger than theirs.
I just read the OP'S update from last Night's therapy session. Go ahead and tell me you'd be peachy proud of this kid if she were your granddaughter. I highly doubt the OP held shotgun on Dad to marry her nor did she rape him and any 'repercussions' this evil little girl thinks she has some birthright to hand her SM and stepsiblings should be directed at her father.
..." (remember, the parent
..." (remember, the parent actually willing to pay for college) ..."
As usual, HRNYC, you are wrong....Lawyer BM isn't "willing" to pay for pretty pretty princess's VERY EXPENSIVE college education, it's BM's mom and dad that will be the majority contributers.
Still think BM is the sainted angel from heaven and Vines is the POS who is making her husband break "legal support agreements" - whatever the hell those are??
it was in one of her other
it was in one of her other blogs, as I recall.
Unless I am confusing her with someone else....
It's Friday - entirely possible
No, I doubt BM's parents are
No, I doubt BM's parents are paying for college. They probably would if BM asked but she doesn't need help.
Your SD is allowed to be
Your SD is allowed to be upset about the email. She is entitled to her feelings. But, she is absolutely not entitled to come into your house and treat you/your bios in such a way. The fact that your DH is just letting her get away with it and using the excuse that "she just needs to get it all out" is ridiculous. If my SD ever talked to me that way, I wouldn't have to deal with it b/c my DH would never allow his daughter to disrespect me in such a way. The thing I don't understand is why you and DH are too afraid to pull the electronics/WIFI from SD. You say that it caused problems with BM in the past. Why does BM have any say in the things that happen in your house? As far as I am concerned, her attitude should have earned her no electronics/devices for at least a week. And, she should have to apologize to you as well. I wouldn't let her back into my house until she did. Your DH is really failing on this one. You are stronger than me. I wouldn't be able to put up with this.
I agree with the other poster that she should go to her mom's house or grandparents until DH gets home if she can't be respectful.
SD said she didn't say
SD said she didn't say anything, but if DD was upset about her weight it wouldn't surprise her, and maybe DD had finally realized if she kept shoving food in her fat face that she would end up with disgusting cottage cheese thighs and a stretch mark covered body just like her mother
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
W...T...F...?
DH would handle that shit or I would be gone. Teen girls that age are horrible but that is beyond what I would deal with.
I would be gone, gone, gone
I would be gone, gone, gone from this situation yesterday. Let dh and sd have each other. I'd tell her "Bye, Felicia" as I was walking out the door.
For the love of everything
For the love of everything that is holy, just keep your BM-loving-SM-hating-poor-skid-coddling judgmental trap of yours shut HRNYC!!!!!!!!
The way you twist and manipulate other people's words is truly a work of art and wonder, but UNHELPFUL.
The way you are attempting to slam the OP and judge her life of "marrying too soon" and insinuating that she indeed "trapped" her DH with DS1 is shameful and disgusting.
Vines.....your DH is showing you who he is. BELIEVE HIM.
If my SD ever said that to me.....oh wait. She wouldn't. Because my SO would have her a$$ in a SLING.
Grab hold of your inner b!tch and GAME ON as Sally said.
What we permit, we promote.
You need to shut down that snotty SD in no uncertain terms.
DH told me what went on in
DH told me what went on in therapy. SD's attitude during the session was if I try to mess with her world, she is going to mess with my world. She though we had an understanding before. She doesn't doesn't talk to me, she doesn't ask me for things, she doesn't want me anywhere near her life. She thinks of me as invisible. In return I'm supposed to do the same. But if I can influence DH to make changes in his life that affect her life, all of that is off the table and she now "gives zero f*cks" (her words) about keeping the peace and censoring her behavior in my home. She said this whole week she has been acting exactly the same as she always does except she is saying exactly what's on her mind instead of giving one word answers or ignoring me completely. If I wanted to apologize to her for interfering in her life and agree to never do anything like that again she would have no problem going back to ignoring me.
DH told her that she probably wasnt going to get the apology or the agreement but that I would probably be fine with going back to the way things were. I said really, your kid treating me as invisible would be ok, with no repercussions for her vile behavior this week. He said what do I care about SD, as soon as I start making trouble she is going to react. I have instigated all of this and I am the one who doesn't like the repercussions. If she and I don't interact how is there a problem. And since we have separate finances as long as he is paying his half why would I care about anything skid related, why can't I just agree to go back to normal?
Our marriage separate from anything skid related is great. But you cant separate it. Or maybe people can and I just havent figured out how yet. Thus stuff with SD is like poison seeping into any happiness we can have. Like a cloud hanging over everything. We are going to counseling starting next month, that was decided a few weeks ago. I'm just not sure how SD and I can coexist.
I said on your first post and
I said on your first post and I will continue to say it. THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR HUSBAND. BM and your inlaws all know what that SOMETHING is. You are the only in the dark.
Nothing this man does makes a lick of sense. Why in the hell would he tell you that??? This is just like him letting his parents know he really didn't want you to have a child(after SD was kind enough to spill the beans). This jerk has no idea when to speak up and when to play mute.
When his words are needed the check his awful kid, his lips are sealed.
When words have the power to hurt and/or cause unnecessary tension, the he sings like a bird.
This jerk and his daughter have already costed you your son. How much more are you willing to lose?