Gone since Friday
Well, Friday turned out how I expected. SO sat skids down, told them we were breaking up and that they couldn't stay here anymore. SD10 was very sad, I just held her for a few minutes and we cried together. SS9 doesn't show emotion, he holds everything in - but I know that he was screwed up about it. SO told me he really wasn't talking to anyone at all, just moping around (we spoke on Saturday).
It was gut wrenching and so hard. I'm still waiting to see if it is really over, or if just some time away will make SO realize what we have and that he isn't ready to give me up. I'm hoping to see him tonight and we can discuss some things. He told me last night that he's feeling uncertain.
Breaking up sucks. I felt like a zombie all weekend. I had a few social obligations, and I made my appearance - but nothing was helpful in being a distraction. Work isn't helping either - go figure.
I've had so much time to think and I don't think I want to give up. I think I want to fight. We are a great team and when it really comes down to it - that's something that is very important to have.
Sigh...
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You want to fight.... for a
You want to fight.... for a relationship with a man that seems to have no fight in him for you.
Here's the thing - he said it was over. He did nothing seemingly to move out or I don't know, be a man about the situation, but he said it was over. He broke up with you. You have now broken up with the kids.
What is left to fight for? He's uncertain? After putting his kids through all that? Then he's a huge huge huge Jerk. He's not just a crappy partner to you to put you through the emotional turmoil of breaking up with you and then having you break up with the kids. Buts a complete $&/@ parent if he put his children through a freaking break up befor being sure.
My take on it is he's finding out how inconvenient it will be to move out, to deal with the custody he has without you, he doesn't want the lack of privacy and autonomy that will come with moving in to his mom's. That's why he's unsure. He's unsure if he wants to go through that effort. From what you've posted, he's not unsure about your relationship - you don't want the same things. He's unsure about how stuck on your dreams and boundaries you really are and if maybe he can get you to change enough to make it work for him.
I'm not liking any of your
I'm not liking any of your comments!!! Lol
But yes, what you are all saying is quite possibly true. Obviously no one but me & SO know the whole story. I don't like what he did, not one bit. I know he's going through some things right now and I think I'm getting the blame, when they really have nothing to do with me. I also think I'm still in the denial phase actually. Wonder how long that will last.
I just can't help but think that all the effort was for nothing. and of course, I love him. (gag, I know...)
IMHO, once the kids are told,
IMHO, once the kids are told, that should be it. to hurt or confuse them any longer trying to fight for something that he's clearly over with, would not be right.
the fact that he told the kids shows he's really done. i know it hurts, doll. but react based on who he's showing you he is. i know it's easier said than done, since you still feel deeply. but he has chosen to no longer contribute anything, emotionally or in whatever way, to your relationship.
i'm so sorry.
Thanks. This is all really
Thanks.
This is all really hard, don't really know what to think or do. I'm in limbo with my emotions right now, I think "fine it's for the best" then a few minutes later I'm thinking I can't do this without him and want to figure everything out.
He's coming over tonight. I'm really excited and really nervous. Life is hell right now!
You are "Excited" that the
You are "Excited" that the man who dumped you and then asked you to break up with the kids so he doesn't have to do it is coming over????
WHY???? Have you no self respect at ALL?
confused, doll, go back and
confused, doll, go back and read your last blog. here, i'll even copy/paste the part i specifically want you to re-read -
******
"What am I supposed to do? I know by letting him stay even just this week was a dumb choice, but my dumb choice to make. Just to feel his arms around in bed and be together with him... I couldn't pass up the chance. But now the week is ending and he's still talking the same way - I guess it is time for me to let him go.
I think tonight I will try one more time to really talk things out and see if he really truly 100% believes this is over or not, and if he does - then he needs to go. I want to say goodbye to the skids, so we can tell them after school tomorrow and off to his mom's house they can go... b/c I can't let myself go through the pain of being around him anymore if he's really leaving..."
******
STOP IT. STOP IT. STOP IT. (lol that made me think of newhart clip!)
TELL HIM - "something has come up, i wont be seeing you."
what NEEDS to come up is your self respect!!! i want to take u by the shoulders and shake you. u've already GIVEN him 'one more chance' - that *was* this past weekend! now go and re-read my copy/paste above again. it's time for you to let him go. u've already said your goodbye's to the kids. now pull yourself up and get it together, woman! YOU ARE WORTH SOMEONE WHO *WANTS* TO BE AROUND YOU. YOU ARE WORTHY OF SOMEONE WHO WANTS THE SAME THINGS YOU WANT. i dont give a flying phuc how good of a team you are - HE DOESNT WANT WHAT YOU WANT.
ok, did you HEAR me? re-read the copy/paste AGAIN. and listen to YOURSELF.
((((hugs))))
Thanks for the "tough love" -
Thanks for the "tough love" - I know I need to hear it.
My self esteem has always been an issue - as everyone commenting on here can obviously see!! I don't have much self worth, I never have liked myself much. It's getting a little better, but definitely needs a lot more improvement.
I've had some really bad relationships in the past, this was my first good one. The first guy I really thought I was going to marry - I've never felt this way about anyone before. Add the kids to the mix though and everyone was harder - as I expected it to be. I just didn't expect it to be like this, to end like this. It shouldn't end at all. I'm heartbroken. Everything just hurts.
I know eventually I will be able to move on, but it'll take awhile, and right now I'm still holding on to hope. Even though everyone here thinks I'm stupid for doing so (and honestly, if I was a friend of mine, I'm sure I'd have these same opinions as everyone else here).
I'm a very smart, logically person. But I have very strong emotions (that I'm not that great at controlling) that lead me to make stupid decisions about my own life.
One thing I think I'm afraid of more than anything is letting him go and never having anyone again. I know how hard it is to be with me and I can't even see myself trying anymore. Just to be heartbroken again? No thanks.
I have too many insecurities,
I have too many insecurities, jealousy is an issue as well. I just think I'm a shitty "partner" for the most part. I know I have plenty of good qualities too but I feel that those issues cloud over everything else.
STOP IT. STOP IT! STOP
STOP IT.
STOP IT!
STOP IT!!!!!
screw insecurities and jealousy. those parts of our personality that we work on tend to intensify when u're with the WRONG person.
jasper's right, yanno. i was your age and already through one abusive marriage and divorce. thank GOD i didnt have any kids. get rid of SO and focus on being your own best partner. you want a family - that'll happen in time, but Confused needs to work on herself first before giving herself to care for a SO *or* a baby.
get YOURSELF in a good head space. be your OWN best friend. enjoy your OWN company. cherish YOURSELF.
it does happen, trust me. it does.
Before I met SO, I had been
Before I met SO, I had been single for 2.5 years. They were very good years - I lost 50lbs, I started traveling (alone) and was really just okay with being by myself.
I started getting lonely, so got on an online dating site, not really thinking anything would come of it, but I wasn't meeting anyone in the "real world" so I gave it a shot. Plus, I thought a lot of my insecurities/jealous had gotten better with the time to work on me. Boy was a wrong, about 6 months in all my old feelings that I had with those things all came tumbling right back. And now I'm sure I ruined the best thing I'll ever have in my life. Guess there's a big reason I can't let go.
he's NOT the best thing u'll
he's NOT the best thing u'll ever have in your life - cuz u're life's NOT DONE YET.
darling, he does. not. want. what you want. he may be an absolutely incredible human being, and a blessing to have shared the two years together that u have had. but that does not mean you are compatible to be life partners.
AND THAT'S OK.
remember those very good years? how awesome it felt? get that back. find THAT person again, and keep seeing your counselor to not back-track on your insecurities. those old feelings came back because u were with people who were not right for you.
My exH sounds like yours. I
My exH sounds like yours. I changed my entire life so that we could be together, allowed myself to become emotional and financial dependent on him. Fought like hell to make our marriage work. Went through counseling, separated, reconciled and finally divorced. All becuase he was too much of a p*ssy to state bluntly that he did not want it to work. The staying in the same house, sleeping in the same bed, playing the "I'm not really sure if I want it to end" game. It was all because he was too much of a chicken to examine his own feelings. I fought tooth and nail to make things work but it takes TWO people to make it. He didn't want to try, he didn't want to change, eventually I got tired of his shit and left. I finally realized that allowing myself to wait for him to come to a decision was wrong, wrong on so many levels.If I hadn't we would still be married and miserable today.
Do not do this to yourself. It is incredibly hard, I understand but in time it will get better. You do NOT NEED HIM! You can survive, you can BE HAPPY and you can take this time to find yourself, find out what makes YOU HAPPY. Holding on to this false hope that it may work out, it is going to destroy you. You need to find your own self worth, you need to work on you, build your self esteem, go to counseling find your inner strength. Eventually you will find yourself, you will be happy with yourself and someday you may find a man that is worth your time and effort.