I have always believed that this is one of the issues in which both people need to be on the same page about. Not wishy washy, not talking the person into it or out of it, not "I'll do it if I have to," but on the.same.page. For the kid's sake and the marriage.

DH and I had that conversation when we first started dating; I very adamantly did not want to have kids and he absolutely did not want anymore, so we were good. I also let him know that I would not be cooking him dinner every night.

At first my husband didn't want another child, so I said I would leave him, no bad feelings. He changed his mind and wanted our son to be born. They are close. Now I'm on my last leg with metastatic ovarian cancer. My son is 16, and I am glad his father is there for him. If I hadn't been absolutely sure about my husband's feelings, I would feel worse about leaving our son

I'm not sure you can ever really know what you are asking. DH "said" he wanted kids with me, but now that we have them he is nearly nonexistent in their lives. And our two BDs notice that, unfortunately. He secludes himself in his bedroom away from the rest of the family, it's just my two girls and me most of the time. We took them ice skating, he chose not to participate. He was "there," but that is it. And if it wasn't for the fact that we were meeting some friends and his absence would have been noticed, I'm not sure he would have come at all. The next day, BD9 wanted to go play tennis. Yep, it was just her and me. 99% of their activities, I am the only parent there. He did show up for BD12's band concert, slightly late. He showed up to church for their Christmas program ... and slept the entire time. I can't be a crystal ball for you, but this is from a guy who DID want more kids (supposedly).

WOW! I am in the exact same boat as you- Right around 2 years we had "the baby talk" and I could just tell he wasn't really into it. I actually had the guts to tell him, "This is a dealbreaker for me, I would hate to go, but I really want to have a child with someone who wants it as badly as me." I felt really strongly about planning a child with him because of how he was trapped by BM very manipulatively to have his daughter. He ended up very sweetly telling me a few days later that, "If I have another child, I'd want it to be with you." I stayed, and I married him.
Today we're actually "trying" to have that baby, "our baby." What's funny is that he is more excited about it than I am. He asks me almost everyday if "I feel our baby moving" and he has said he is looking forward to seeing what he/she will be like one day if we conceive.
I think men can be very afraid by fatherhood- my DH is especially financially motivated, so thinking about the future cost of childcare can still make him squirm; but I think we will be just fine. If he is WILLING to have a child with you, try to lower your "you should be excited" expectations. The fact that he is willing is enough.

I would not get too stressed out about it. Remember, his last experience having kids was most likely negative and understandably he may be wary. you probably would be too if you were in his situation. Most men are super emotional, they just don't show it like us...instead they AVOID AVOID AVOID...

I'm no psychologist but I think if you don't stand up for what you want you will only become resentful over time and grow apart. I don't think you should make any decisions right now though. Did you know that January is the most popular time for couples to separate and divorce ? It's a stressful time of year for everyone. I know it feels like your time is running out but it is worth having a child with a wonderful loving man, than getting pregnant simply for fear of missing out not only for you but for your child... xoxox

Before I married DH, we talked about having kids and agreed we would like that for our lives. Then we got married and he said he wasn't sure anymore. I was mad.

We talked about it more over the next few months and I came to see his point. He was happy. He enjoyed our lives together. He didn't want that to change. And I was happy too, and I enjoyed my life with him too. I sure wouldn't want to lose that.

So I let it sit for a couple of years. Then I thought, you know, I think I DO want that kid. And DH said he was on the fence, but leaning towards having a kid with me. So I accepted that and we decided to go off birth control.

It was a few years before I conceived, for a number of reasons. Once the baby came, the first year or so I found very difficult and regularly missed/wished for pre-baby freedom. Now DD is 2, and our lives are still organized around her needs. In some ways still difficult compared to pre-DD, but in other ways infinitely more rewarding.

DH enjoys this stage of our lives more than I do. He is just so much more 'in the moment' than I am. I'm always looking to the future.

In your case, keep talking. It's a balance - happy relationship now vs leaving a happy relationship for the possibility of having a child AND a happy relationship in the future. I never seriously considered leaving my DH over this, because I was happy with him and enjoyed our lives. And while I am happy with him and with DD, I don't enjoy the job of motherhood all that much. So while I'd never give up DD, I don't think I'm happier with her. But life is long, and DD will grow and change and the mommy-job will change along the way. Once it's less about taking care of her animal self and more about guiding her philosophically, I'll enjoy it more. Poopy diapers are the pits but teenage angst is just fascinating!

I wonder why your SO has not gotten "the snip" yet if he really doesn't want any more kids?

My fiance had the whole baby conversation right in the early days of our relationship, for me it was really simple. There was no way in hell I was going to get involved in a step-dynamic if my partner wasnt interested in having a baby with me. As a childless person I do not understand why anyone would knowingly choose to have to alter their lives for children that are not theirs unless they intend to have children of their own eventually.
For the past 3 years my fiance and I have been able to really enjoy our mixed time; our child focused time with SD and our totally not child friendly time without her.

If I try to think how would I feel if my fiance wanted me to give up my want for my own child? Id be furious, but not only that, Id have a crap tonne of resentment for my SD.
Yes couples who do not have children tend to be able to travel more, spend more time together alone, etc etc but if you are on a 50/50 schedule with SKIDS you dont get that benefit. Any holidays you take would be a week max or result in lost time with the skids, which no doubt their father wouldnt want.
No sorry, too many compromises to day to day life.

HOWEVER, if he genuinely doesnt want any more children then you cant force him. Like you say you have to figure out YOURSELF how important this is to you.

My fiance and I are getting married this year (YAY) and baby talk is pretty much down to a timeline now. We have a few things we want to do before dumping the birth control and if we run into fertility issues (hopefully not since we are both young but you never really know until you try) then I want treatment and ultimately adoption as an option.

Take some time to yourself and do some soul searching, how different is your day to day life when SKIDS are with you and when they arent? What are your plans and what are your partners plans for when Skids age out if they are that much older?