Merry Freaking Christmas Step World!
So, it's Christmas Eve & here I am in tears once again. So, we get together at my parent's house before Christmas Eve church service for dinner. My mother, Nana to my DD1 (almost 2) and niece, nothing to SD13 because she ignores my family, puts headphones in and watches Netflix when she's around them, buys all the kids their Christmas pajamas. My mother tries so embarrassingly hard with SD13. She always includes her, always goes out of her way to make her feel like family, never leaves her out. Before you say SD is 13-- she has been around my family since she was 5.
So we leave for church and SD13 barrels out the door, leaving her pajamas on the ground. As I'm heading out with the toddler my mom gets my attention to get the gift, I tell her we have the toddlers and she says no it's SD's. I can see the hurt in her eyes and I also know that she bought pajamas in a medium and when I advised her that SD was an adult XL or bigger she had to return the pajamas and get different ones. I know how much effort went into including her. I know how she felt when she saw it strewn there, especially because I was loudly tracking down the pajamas that the toddler insisted on carrying around the house.
I was hurt for Mom, and angry that SD continually rejects my family and that my family continually makes the effort. DH's family is 9 hours away, but the present DH's Mom sent up is gold. So, I brought it to DH's attention that it was rude, intentional or not. I do and did believe it was unintentional, however, if she was at all present through the gathering she wouldn't have accidentally forgotten it. So, I'm the asshole now for saying anything to DH, because God forbid his precious kid have any responsibility to be respectful, slightly engaged, or grateful.
I'm over this life. I really am. Now I get to play Christmas for my ungrateful family (minus DD1 who is being taught to be grateful and thankful.) Maybe next year he can make Christmas happen, better yet--I have Christmas alone.
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Comments
Personally, I'd quit taking
Personally, I'd quit taking her or including her in your family celebrations. I couldn't watch my mom have her feelings hurt repeatedly by that brat. My mom wants to do for my skids, but I told her they have enough people buying for them, to the point that they expect everyone they are vaguely related to to give them things, and my mom doesn't need to do anything for them. She gets them a little gift for Christmas, and a little gift for birthday, but nothing like what she initially thought she would be doing when this blended family business started.
It will break my heart when
It will break my heart when SS4 decided to reject my family but I'm sure it will happen as it seems like it happens in all tales of StepLife. But I will tell you that when he or my bio baby decide they are too good for presents gifted to them by anyone, it'll be the day they stop receiving and attending. In my family we had no steps or blended mess. I only have one 'side' since my dads family is far away. When my brothers decided to go off hunting or stay home playing xbox instead of attending the family festivities their gifts were given to someone else who did attend. I can't tell you how many times I returned home with their Christmas cash from our grandparents. I will apply the same rules to the best of my ability to the children in my household during those times. I could never see my mother so rejected as yours was without flipping my lid and embarrassing both my DH and the girl for such horrible manners. Next time leave them both at home and when they ask while you're loading up your babies, just tell them they didn't care last year so why pretend this year.
Why didn't either you or your
Why didn't either you or your husband address her behavior in the moment? Never mind about hustling to church or the baby, someone needed to say something or do something and no one did. How in the world can you expect her to behave any differently if she isn't told what she's doing right now is wrong!?
If it takes a village, then be part of that village, especially because it's your own mother.
But it is her job to protect
But it is her job to protect her mother's feelings. The OP should have made the kid thank her mom the gift.
Just because the SD isn't her bio child, doesn't mean she isn't allowed to call her out on bad behavior. Especially when that behavior is directed at her mother.
So many of these kids act like pure asses because their won't correct them and many SMs act they they are afraid to speak up.
I just don't understand how the adults involved (bios and steps)just sit back and allow these kids to do whatever they want to do. Bio or not, if they are wrong, checked their.asses.
I told my family early on to
I told my family early on to please not give SD any gifts. She always got so many she would not even know who gave her what, it was ridiculous.
It has now been several years since I have given her any gifts either. We pay for vacations but not gifts for a couple years now, since she never, ever, gives us gifts, because she is too good to do that? yeah right.
I can only hope she notices and learns a lesson, but not too sure about that - but at least my money and time are still my own and will stay that way.
Nah, your mom is doing the
Nah, your mom is doing the right thing. If she wants to be an ahole let her. My parents do the same for my skids, but I also have a 9 month old son who they do wayyyyy more for and love. So as hard as it is, it would be wrong to exclude her. I'm starting to learn not to let myself be the bad guy my sd14 thinks I am. Sure I want to choke her at times, but if I do stuff like that or exclude her, then my actions come into question which has never been the case. So let the ahole be the ahole and everyone else see it for themselves without you lifting a finger.