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I am heartbroken for my friend

Stepmom09's picture

Submitted by Stepmom09 on Tue, 09/22/2015 - 11:34am

One of my closest friends has had a horrible week. I am very sad for her and not sure how to act/treat her. Last week one of her friends died leaving behind 2 young girls she has been helping care for these girls. Then she found out her Dad needs a serious surgery and that it is genetic so she has to be tested for this as well. Then to top it off some test results for her husband (they had some test done to make sure he isn't contributing to infertility issues they have) well he has cancer. His first appointment is next week. I feel so bad for her but knowing her she doesn't want to talk about it or cry she wants to pretend everything is fine. I love her and I am so worried about her. I can't imagine going through all this at once.

Comments

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Tue, 09/22/2015 - 11:56am

I have a very dear friend whose husband is dealing with the extremely rare kind of sarcoma that killed my friend's dad when we were in college. Her husband is having setback after setback and his prognosis is grim.

I text her every morning "hey there!" Sometimes she doesn't respond, and sometimes she does. When she doesn't respond, I know something's up and she isn't ready to talk about it. But about every third or fourth day, she will respond and tell me what's going on or asks me if I can help her out with something or request my super awesome one pan frozen meals that I have been dropping off at her house.

Just tell your friend you're available and periodically reach out - she'll talk when she's ready, but the fact that she knows you are there for her is immeasurable Smile

moeilijk's picture

Submitted by moeilijk on Tue, 09/22/2015 - 1:20pm

I have a friend with young children going through cancer treatments. I post a cheerful, appropriate card (get-well-soon cards are not appropriate, for example!) every week. She has less energy, her priorities with what time she does have are changed, and I have heard from her 6 times, three times via a group email where she updated her entire group of friends on how her chemo was going. But I feel better knowing that I am letting her know I am there for her, in a way that lets her choose how much she 'leans' on me. And chemo is a long treatment, so to keep sending that card weekly for months keeps giving her a little positivity in her life, and keeps the connection to me open.

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Tue, 09/22/2015 - 1:40pm

Send her a card. I know it sounds terribly cheesy but it's a great way to let her know you're thinking about her and she can't talk to you about it when she wants.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Wed, 09/23/2015 - 7:09am

Hugs for you and your friend. Maybe she doesn't want to talk about it because these things are constantly in her head, going 'round and 'round. Let her know you're there for her. Perhaps something to distract her from all of the chaos? Offer to treat her to a mani/pedi. Take her to lunch or dinner. Do something FUN together. When I was going through a terrible ordeal with my exH, it really helped to do some fun things to take my mind off of all the craziness.