What would you do? ; )
It happened! Bm and Dh's court ordered therapist wants Bm and I to meet next week with him. Last night, DH went to his weekly meeting with that includes the three of them. Dh said that he sat in the lobby for a full 30 minutes while the therapist talked to BM alone. Dh explained to me that when he finally went in, BM was crying uncontrollably/hysterically and was whimpering about me and how we should meet so that we can make things better (these are obviously the therapist's words, since he has been trying to get BM to meet with me for weeks). Then the therapist spoke to DH alone, and he explained to DH that BM has some emotional problems (DUH!) and that he wants to identify these problems before recommending a custody arrangement (UGH! So we get to postpone court again!)
My thoughts: I don't want to sit through a cry/yell fest with bm. If we actually go in and be proactive, then I am all for it. However, I will not be yelled at. I told DH that if she yells at me then I will respectfully walk out. I don't want to be defensive
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What would you do? I would
What would you do?
I would fake my own death before I'd go to therapy with BM.
Haha for sure
Haha for sure
If this is 'court-ordered' or
If this is 'court-ordered' or you guys feel strongly that you showing up will be court friendly, then I suppose I'd do it.
I'd have the plan of saying nothing at all. Asking a question would be ok though. If I feel attacked, I'd say, "What makes you say that?" Or have a few other phrases ready to toss out.
I'd make sure DH had planned a very nice dinner for me afterwards, maybe one with a happy ending
It is court ordered. We were
It is court ordered. We were all supposed to be going together but bm freaks out if I am any where near her.
Dh is not allowed to be
Dh is not allowed to be present but I was thinking about taking a recorder for my pocket.
This. And how is your DH
This. And how is your DH "not allowed" to be present? That's bull. If he's not participating in the session then he can sure as hell wait in the waiting room for you to come out. Don't let anyone tell you your husband can't be there with you.
No way in hell would I attend
No way in hell would I attend any BM psych meetings with BM present. NO WAY!
However, I would meet with the psych person one-on-one to give my side of the story. And to get a feel for what BM's issues are. I read a couple of your previous blogs. This woman sounds mentally ill
Has she been diagnosed by a professional?
If she is blaming you for past and current self inflicted issues, she will keep doing it. It's ingrained in her twisted mind.
Your DH needs to handle her and this hot mess. Not you! It's HIS custody battle. Not yours!
My BM tried to sue me twice to gain my financials. She and her psycho husband were claiming DH was "hiding money" through me therefore her child support should be increased. It was all b/s, all unfounded, and I did NOT submit any of my financial information. This was 10 years ago. To this day, she and her psycho husband still hold this conviction. DH's oldest daughter recently mentioned this to him.
Thankfully, all of them now live a blissful 1,400 miles from us
Moral of the story?....... Any time you can get away from a crazy person, DO IT!
The court ordered psych
The court ordered psych identified her as paranoid delusional. I think her actions fit that. She has had the cops called on me, sent me to court for a restraining order, has had me followed, videotapes me, etc. I just want the therapist to see that I am not the problem because both and the stepdad say I cause all the conflict. In reality I stay as far away from bm as I possibly can.
She's loony!! My opinion is
She's loony!! My opinion is no amount of joint therapy with her is going to change that and her opinion of you.
Here's something to ask the therapist. "Have you ever had success with a paranoid BM and an SM resolving the BM's issues through your therapy?"
Who wants to bet the answer is NO!?
Oh I totally agree that this
Oh I totally agree that this will not help my relationship with bm. Nothing could help that. However, I do want to make the impression to the therapist that I am willing to work with her in order to make the whole situation better. She has always said there would be no conflict if it wasn't for me and I answer that I don't do anything. The first psychologist confirmed this but this therapist wants to make sure as well. I am just going to be myself and not react.
Yup
Yup
Tell the therapist your
Tell the therapist your boundaries beforehand and let him know you are not going to sit there and listen to abusive language or threats to your person. You were not married to her so you are unaware why this woman thinks you have such super powers over your husband.