So all of my plans fell through and I was stuck at home this weekend while SD14 was here for her visit. It wasn't as ugly as usual and I survived.

DH did reach out to BM via text and found out some more info: yes she is on chemo again and just started like a week ago. went to Dr and something about "markers" being bad and spots on her lymph nodes, chest, bones and maybe liver (not sure if liver was mentioned but I think it was) so mind you, I don't EVER get the entire story from DH but I do know that this woman is in her mid-forties and this is at least the 2nd time in the four short years I have been with DH to know of her having cancer.

DH did have a very surface skimming conversation with SD about her not engaging with anyone (him, g-parents, me, people in general)and also mentioned that she did not tell him her mother was sick again. Her response "well its not so serious like last time and her hair wont fall out from chemo, she will just be tired"

OK so considering BM doesn't keep DH in the loop on anything I'm not surprised she didn't tell him she was sick and the way she way playing off to him and to the skids that its no big deal concerns me. I had a very wonderful aunt who died from cancer and yes she fought it for 23 years before it got her but let me tell you, when its gone to several different parts of your body is isn't "no big deal" these skids should have been in counseling years ago to deal with the first round of cancer and they weren't- so she's going to use denial for this round? Cancer or not this woman proves over and over again she is nothing but a stupid cow.

I was glad DH stepped up and opened the conversation with SD14 about her complete lack of socialization...she tried to claim she is uncomfortable (around your grandparents and aunt/uncle?? come on!) and is like that with everyone. DH said nope, not buying it he said I have stood outside your mothers house and heard you be chatty cathy plenty of times. Then she was saying she is shy, and again DH called Bull$hit.

Someone on here asked why isn't it OK for a skid to disengage. I think its fine for a skid to do that if they have the same reasons a SM has for doing it. If your SM is a jerk or treats you badly or ignores you then sure a skid can disengage but that isn't my situation.

The word "engage" is and has been part of my vocabulary and the SD14 doesn't engage with not only me but anyone else I have ever seen her around. and like another commenter said about "having a SD who just didn't have anything to stay and still doesn't" well maybe that is the case. If it is, Im OK with that - then that just means DH and I have a lot more work to do b/c he will need to get on board and accept that maybe SD just isn't a talker and maybe she is a loner and if so, then leave her alone. Quit acting like a suck-up ass when she is here.

so im not sure if SD14 was in a generous mood this weekend or if she took the conversation her and DH had on Friday to heart but she wasn't totally mute all weekend. I even found myself giving her one of my super special cookies I baked on Saturday (for another family event this week) to try out. And of course by the end of the night on Saturday I was asking myself should I ask her if she wants to tag along to the mall with me tomorrow morning? But I reigned myself back in. I have seen her have a good day and then it goes right back to shit. Its a heartbreaking enough situation as it is.

Im like a pathetic dog who gets beat and this kid shows me the slightest glimmer of that OK kid she can be and I want to go nipping at her feet to play with me.

this step-life is the most emotionally draining & exhausting situation I have ever exposed myself to.