The argument for becoming an alcoholic.....
Hello ladies (and gents)! It's been a while since I was on this site,longer since I've posted but I'm in need of a vent and some constructive advise. Please no shouts of "you need to leave,he's an asshole!!" Yes he can be a raging fucktard but I'm not giving up on our marriage or our life. I love many things about DH. This not one of them.
I'm having a hard time liking SD12. I always have. There are issues with all 4 of his kids,all of which we have FT. All kids have issues and I get that but these issues are caused by the babying,spoiling,and shitty behavior ignoring that's been going on since BM moved 3 states away and DH moved in with his parents to help with the kids. This was way before we met.
Of course to grandparents kids are without reproach but DH adopted this way of doing things as well.
It's always been an irritant to me but now SD12 has started stealing. She has stolen money from everyone in our house-that includes myself and DH. She also stole cash off of the in laws dresser while at their house. She received a slap on the wrist from DH. No surprise there. When she was asked by DH and MIL why she was stealing she said that she wanted a phone and a tablet. Then she was given a phone by DH and a tablet from MIL. WTF? Apparently the lesson they chose to teach is that if you steal you will get rewarded. The decision to give her these things was never discussed with me of course,DH knew what I would say so he avoided it altogether. That's what he does,DH-good guy,SM-bad guy. SD12 was told by DH the phone wasn't going to school. She debated that and won. Phone now goes to school. She wanted a FB,DH said no. She debated and won. Tablet is not to go to school. But she just got that last night so she will debate that and win no doubt.
Now I'm again bad guy cause I take the tablet and phone every school night as she's the kind of kid that will stay up all night watching South Park and Scary Movie on Netflix. She bitches to keep them,I explain that she is to be sleeping and doesn't need them,and that MY no means NO. I'm just waiting for the day that she bitches at DH enough that he overrules me. I will lose my shit.
My BD15 has so much resentment for his kids because they get away with everything. I don't blame her.
How do the rest of you deal with things like this? No,I won't disengage. This is my home too and I won't let things go and allow it to be a free for all.
If you've made it through this entire post you deserve a cookie
- Peaches1973's blog
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Comments
I doubt anything will change
I doubt anything will change until you tell DH what you think and both of you develop house rules that you both agree to enforce consistently... Or, you can let SD fall down, start getting bad grades - maybe that would wake up your DH. Just fyi, my DD is 15 and she is not allowed to take her phone to bed any night.
Dup
Dup
, sorry!
, sorry!
Triple dup lol. I try so much
Triple dup lol. I try so much to discuss things and make a coherent plan that we can both follow. He always agrees with what I'm saying but when it comes time to enforce-his balls disappear.
Yeah I haven't made too big of a deal about the phone going to school and I won't with the tablet when it comes to that because I just get this pic in my mind of them getting lost,broken,stolen,taken by teacher etc and I just smile like a loony
Getting out from the in laws
Getting out from the in laws house would help to reduce the number of adults that you are working against. Other than that pick your battles and disengage selectively on those battles that you choose not to fight. Your daughter knows the truth and I bet she will be pleased she has a parent with a backbone when she is a success. Make sure to praise and reward her when she deserves it, then she'll see the benefits of rules and boundaries.
DH and I have a house of our
DH and I have a house of our own,sorry I was confusing on that. But the in laws live just down the street in our very small rural town so the skids are there regularly. And I'm sure doing a lot of bitching about me.
I do let the things go that aren't a huge deal to me-if it's not major its not the hill I wanna die on.
I know it's hard on my kid to see his getting away with so much while I make sure to discipline her. I have to explain that just because they get away with shit doesn't mean I stop being a parent. I think she'll understand more when she's older.
Thank you
My sister is a thief, started
My sister is a thief, started stealing at 12. She steals from everyone BUT ME. that's because I called the police on her ass when she took cash from my wallet. Seriously, she's 21 now and has everyone CC details, makes online purchases with them. Oh they all complain, but none of them do anything about it!!! Consider calling the police, it worked for me.
As for the issues with the kids, it isn't them, it's your DH. What have you tried doing to get him on the same page as you? I went through months of being the bad guy while SO always went back on our rules and let SD get away with everything, I ended up disengaging with SD, but I lit SO up every time his kid broke a rule. He's now A LOT better... and so is SD.
FB is for 13yo's and up, report her page to FB. Change the password on the wifi every night (I think apps can be installed on phones etc to lock down wifi and data during certain times i.e bed times and during school hours).
When co-parenting WITH your spouse isn't working, look for ways around it, identify YOUR boundaries and moral compass and assert them.
Have a chat to your bio, explain that his kids are likely going to grow up to be a-holes with many problems while she enter adulthood as a respectable well-adjusted member of society with all the right life skills and a supportive network.
Yep. I reported my OWN DD.
Yep. I reported my OWN DD. That shit happened exactly ONCE.
I have a keyed lock on my
I have a keyed lock on my bedroom due to the stealing and we have 2 internet lines, one for kids, one for DH and I. We pull the kids' modem and gather Xbox controllers.
I have found that encouraging DH to set limits is an easier battle than storming in. I just quietly mention things like how good it is for the skids to sleep well and have a break from media.
"How do the rest of you deal
"How do the rest of you deal with things like this?"
I don't deal with stealing children because I've never had one steal. I know what would not be happening and the would be there would be no f-ing phone or tablet entering my house. I suppose I couldn't tell MIL she can't spend her money and gift the thief with a tablet, but I'd have no problem with banning the device from entering my home. GMa can keep her 'reward' gift at GMa's house.
If you insist you're staying married and refuse to disengage, what choice do you have left than to actually parent this brat? Somebodies gotta do it. I suppose as the phone and tablet have already entered the home, I might decide to go for a sure fire statement. Hmmm, maybe I'd just snag the two items and lock them up. When a frantic and pissed SD emerges demanding to know what happened to them and where they are, I'd shrug and say 'gee I guess somebody must of stolen them there's been a lot of that here lately'.
IDK, I guess thieves living in my home and stealing from my purse just might be my Gettysburg.
I too get to play the party
I too get to play the party of the bad SM... While D is the hero. It was like I was reading my past, present and future. I've had to back off completely and try and make D responsible for everything she does. Hoping that he will get the message. But all that's doing is making him resentful of me... I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I'll be reading the responses hoping for some advice for me too... If I think of something that might help I will gladly share but in the meantime keep holding your ground!!!! You're doing great so far... Doing the best that you can given what you have. Keep your head up