SD that - "I'm gonna kill you"
I've been busy lately worth birthdays camp packing and it being summer, and so much more going on so sorry I wasn't really here to reply to very many posts on my SD threatening murder on my dd11.
A threat is a threat. You can go to jail for threatening to kill someone. If I walked up to some strange person and told him/her that I was going to kill them, not give any more details than that, I could go to jail. I never had to touch this person, never had to tell him/her how I planned on it. Just the treat alpine can land me in jail. If she threatened a kid a school in the same manner, she would be expelled, if not worse.
SD has already proven to be a violent person. She's shoved me (almost to the ground) in a parking lot, why? Because I was happy with my daughters, and she want included (she was taking about her interests with her father).
She always (since the beginning) had it out for this dd. The other dd is pretty much happy to be by herself, play by herself, and stay out of her way. Anyone who gets in SD's way gets her wrath.
Dh completely agrees that her threat is inappropriate and needed to be corrected. He corrected it himself.
Do I think she will actually follow through on her that? I don't think so, but can you guarantee me that she won't? Behind every joke/ angry thing said, there is a bit of truth. If my daughter gets hurt because of SD, I will definitely have SD sent to juvenile hall. I will press any and all possible charges I can.
Comments
I'm sorry, but I find it
I'm sorry, but I find it really hard to take you seriously. If I thought there was a genuine threat to my kid's life, I wouldn't waste a minute trying to prove my point to a bunch of anonymous strangers. So I don't think you take SD seriously, which makes it hard for me to take these ongoing posts about the 'threat' seriously.
I get that your SD is a pain and that you don't like her, and that your DH doesn't seem to have a clue. But either you take her threat seriously or you don't. And since YOU don't seem to take it seriously, why should I? And why on earth are you still beating that dead horse?
If my daughter gets hurt
If my daughter gets hurt because of SD,
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
If your DD gets hurt it will be because of YOU and only you. Since you take this SOOOO serious, your DD should never be around SD again right?
I just really can not take you serious about this. It is just too absurd of an issue. Poor SD.
You have yet to action
You have yet to action considering murder is murder. You're partying. Taking kids to camp. Going about thoug daily business. On your last blog, I suggested you take this to the law.
Did you?
Have you filed a report and had the child picked up and taken to juvie yet?
Have you searched her person for weapons?
Have you made sure she is not in your home to protect yourself and your daughter?
Have you hidden all the sharp objects like knives or scissors?
Have you called child protective services?
Did you file a report for her "almost" shoving you to the ground? (Which I don't believe. She just wanted to walk with you and your daughters and was trying to squeeze in)
Have you done one thing to prevent a murdeous attempt on your daughter's life?
Have you told your husband you believe his child is violent and want her out of the home?
I would like to know what action you have taken except for coming here and typing this out. because I want to be honest. There is no threat. You want to use this against her so badly but you realize that when you do, your marriage is over. When you take the next step of blowing this so far out of proportion, your huband is going to question your sanity and ask you to leave. Or he will pack his things and go. Because this was really nothing more than an inappropriate statement with no malice afore thought.
What have you done to protect your daughter against -in your mind- a very real threat?
A threat by an adult and a
A threat by an adult and a threat by a child is like comparing apples and prostitutes... If I really believed my child was in danger I would not allow the child who threatened her/him near my child. Your reaction speaks volumes.
The bottom line is you don't like your SD and are finding all sorts of reasons to justify that dislike. You don't have to like your SD, nothing wrong with that. What is wrong is your attitude of dislike you so openly vent to a child. You are an adult and how you treat your SD is reprehensible to me. That is my opinion.
I wish you would find the courage to tell your DH that his child is not welcome in your home. I feel sorry for the child and what you subject her too. Or maybe your DH should open his eyes and see the way you treat his child.
I hope the BM in this situation rides your ass and DHs for the way you both treat this kid.
If you can't be a decent adult to this kid (even if you dislike her) tell your DH that you don't want his kid in your home. Stop demonizing a child to her Dad so that you can get her out of your life by underhanded means.
Nunya, truly, get yourself some help. What you are doing is wrong. Leave this child with her mom. I won't comment on your posts again. It is pointless to repeat the same things to you.
How am I demonizing this
How am I demonizing this child to my husband? I told him exactly what happened, SD said she was going to kill dd. He asked her what happened, she told him exactly the same thing, he asked why, she told him why (the goopy mascara). It was between him and SD, I did not open my mouth. He then told me what he did. Later on he told me about calling SD's grandfather. I said good idea. That was it.
Yeah I have nothing to add
Yeah I have nothing to add that wasn't already said.
Nunya, you treat your SD like
Nunya, you treat your SD like I was treated as a child. I was able to get out. (Grew up, moved away.) My SM never got any happier. Even with her DDs. (Yes mine had DDs too, that were just as wonderful as yours.) I remember I couldn't even go to the pool right according to her. Not my clothes but how I played...
My dad finally saw her for her true self without any help from me. As a matter of fact I was over a thousand miles away doing my apprenticeship, because there was only money for DDs college.
He divorced her.
She found another sucker, after a decade, to marry.
This, I said this in my post,
This, I said this in my post, not that I think that she would attempt it, follow through with her actions. Can I day I'm 100%? No, I can not. So they are being monitored during any and all play.
SD's "joking phrase" was utterly inappropriate and her father agrees, so he took care of it. He threw away her make up, I guess because it happened while she was passing with her makeup? He dios later on (after he had time to think through what to say) explain to her that what she said can make people feel that she is unsafe to play with. That she is unsafe to be around.
I realize that some people are different and are used to hearing certain phrases and saying different phrases. I have never said this phrase in my life time, the one time I've heard it when growing up was when I read a book (I think it was in to kill a mocking bird).
SD's grandfather (bm's dad) is a retired police officer and dh intends on having SD talk to him regarding this issue. And explain to her how serious it is to say that phrase, and that is no joking matter.
Hey now. No bring logical or
Hey now. No bring logical or reasonable!!! What are you thinking?!?! LMAO!
This is the impression I get
This is the impression I get as well.
OP yes please can you tell us
OP yes please can you tell us what led to you not liking your SD or how things were in the beginning when you first got with your DH? Can you explain to us what led you here today to be so upset with your SD with every single thing she does (not taking this post topic lightly but in general). This may help some of us have more empathy towards your situation.
Very well said rip. This is
Very well said rip. This is the impression I have as well. I also think there is truth in the idea that she never liked her SD to begin with. The child did and does not stand a chance at a good life.
I am extremely protective of my kids. If I ever for a second thought that my SD would hurt any of them, I would be gone. That is a hill worth fighting on.
You either believe the treat or you don't. There is no grey area. The OP is playing in the grey area.
Please actually read my post
Please actually read my post before you pass judgement. Also please look up the definition of threat after you read my post. Believing SD made a threat doesn't automatically mean I believe SD will follow through with her threat but a threat was definitely made
If you felt your daughters
If you felt your daughters were in danger, you would take them and move into your own place.
Instead you stay in home where you believe a 10 year may try to kill them. You stay in a situation where your hate for a 10 year old is so strong, that you take issue with everything she does. You stay in a home with a man who is hot and cold with your kids.
What are you getting out of staying in a home where you are so unhappy and your kids are in mortal danger?
That last sentence is a good
That last sentence is a good question. OP can you answer that? Because you seem REALLY unhappy in your life because of SD. So to me, if I am miserable and my kids are miserable because of SD and it causes conflict in my marriage or at least with my DH and his daughter, then why stay? What are you getting out of this?
I dont have skid issues often (when I do they are bad) but personally speaking for myself, if I was this tormented whether justified or not, I would think maybe its time to do something to make my life happier and better. Just a thought
Dogs you even read my post?
Dogs you even read my post?
So then why are you acting
So then why are you acting like that wasn't even in my post, why are you "only guessing?"
No, I'm not, I'm just
No, I'm not, I'm just confused as top why you said that when it's actually part of my post.
Context is everything. Sure,
Context is everything. Sure, a grown man wielding a knife and snarling "I'm gonna kill you" is a serious threat. A little girl laughing about clumpy mascara and joking "I'm gonna kill you" is not. Is NOT. Nor is it "inappropriate" or wrong. I saw a wonderful article on FB the other day entitled "No, it's not your opinion, you're just wrong." This post makes me think of that. (Also, we live in a society with less violence than ever before in history. It IS a different time - a much MUCH safer one. Which is *exactly* why some people are hypersensitive to even a hint of violence, because that have literally zero personal exposure to it. But being hypersensitive to it doesn't make them right.)
Nunya, here's the upshot. I do NOT think you're a bad person, or evil, or whatever. Nor do I think your SD is bad. I think you two are very VERY different. You are not "right" and she is not "wrong" - but that doesn't actually make YOU "wrong" either. At least not yet.
I do not believe you can ever appreciate your SD, and her being different. But what you MUST recognize is that some people could. And do, in fact. She's not your cup of tea, that's fine. So STAY AWAY FROM THE TEA. Don't try to get rid of the tea, don't tell other people they're not allowed to drink the tea, don't try to claim the tea is bad and everyone must believe that. SD in no way, shape or form hurt your DD. At ALL. This did NOT require your intervention. If you TRULY believe that SD means she will hurt or kill your child, then you MUST move out. You must protect your child. If you do NOT believe that (and I don't believe you do) then you need to tell your DD to get over it. YOUR DD, not SD.
You are doing YOUR DAUGHTER a disservice here. She NEEDS to learn how to deal with people on her own. Your job is to protect her from HARM (ie, genuine threats to her safety), but if you "protect" her from all hurt she will never learn how to be a successful adult. Falling down is how you learn the strength to stand tall. Learning how to have a relationship with her stepsister will help her have relationships with her teachers, her bosses, her in-laws... don't take that away from your daughter. Yes, if you perceive a REAL threat to her safety then you should act. ACT. That means doing something more than bitching in an internet forum. Otherwise you need to tell her she has to learn how to cope with it on her own. You owe your daughter that much, to have faith in her ability to learn how to deal with other people.
^^^^^THIS x infinity.
^^^^^THIS x infinity. every.last.word
I love your new tagline.
I love your new tagline. Even though I loved your other one too! LOL
Agree!
Agree!
5 and 6 year olds have been
5 and 6 year olds have been suspended from school for making guns with legos,twigs and/or their fingers. Pretty sick when kids get punished for playing and making silly comments while playing.
Some schools won't even allowing kids to play tag in the school yard because that game violates the no touching policy. :sick:
Yup, common sense has left the building.
How about teaching your child
How about teaching your child to live and have fun, rather than play the victim and constantly look for the bad in others? Once again, it is a context thing.
but it's the world we live in. Sure if my BS5 came to me and said "little Johnny said he was going to kill me today in school" you bet your ass I would investigate. Why did he say that? What were you guys doing? Did you tell the teacher? Etc. Because there is a difference between playing and being serious.
No, quite certain I did NOT.
No, quite certain I did NOT. I said I would i.n.v.e.s.t.i.g.a.t.e. before jumping the gun {gasp I said GUN} and ASSuming that kid told BS5 he was going to "kill him" in a violent context.
Whatever, it's not even worth debating because it's so stupid. Nobody was harmed in the applying of clumpy mascara. Something stupid was said, we've all said stupid things we didn't mean. Good Lord, if every DH/SO/DF on this site got nut punched because someone said they were going to do it, we've have a lot of feminine sounding men in our lives.
I didn't attack anyone? this
I didn't attack anyone? this is exactly what I said.. pretty sure that is NOT attacking. Perhaps some reading comprehension would be helpful for you?
I think I have told BS5 at least 4 times today that I am "going to beat him"
Have I ever beat him? No.
Do I ever plan to beat him? No.
He laughs every time I say it, because it's a joke.
Our German Shepherd tried to steal one of my chicken wings last night when I ran upstairs to get my phone charger. DH told BS5 he was taking the dog to the dog pound.
Have we ever taken an animal to the pound? No.
Do we ever plan on taking an animal to the pound? No.
We all laughed because it was a joke.
You are correct. Now we can
You are correct. Now we can stop the debate.
All play between SD and dd
All play between SD and dd will be supervised, but also all children already have locks on their door and sleep with their doors locked for privacy, so now it is for more than that.
I believe you missed the
I believe you missed the point.
Please, by all means call CPS
Please, by all means call CPS and the ASPCA. Shall I PM you my address?
Thank you so much for your concern, I'll admit you're right.
Everyone happy now?
A threat is s threat, whether
A threat is s threat, whether you think someone will go through with it or not
1threat
\ˈthret\
noun
: a statement saying you will be harmed if you do not do what someone wants you to do
threat·en
\ˈthre-tən\
verb
: to say that you will harm someone or do something unpleasant or unwanted especially in order to make someone do what you want
An idol threat is still a threat. I don't think anyone believes you are going to do anything to your loved ones. But it's still a threat
How would it be different if
How would it be different if DD1 said it to DD2? How would the threat feel different to you? As opposed to SD saying it to your DD?
She would be grounded and
She would be grounded and explained that is not appropriate. Neither dd has shown any n malice towards the other in the way SD does. They don't get along all the time, but they don't lie about the other to get in trouble. They don't spice adults at all, let alpine hard enough to make them almost fall to the ground.
Regardless of the other things that have led up to this in the past few months, I would still ground them. I would still have a serious talk about how inappropriate the phrase is.
I agree with you. That is
I agree with you. That is sure what it sounds like.
Angry, mentally ill teens
Angry, mentally ill teens making death threats isn't the same as an elementary school kid saying I'm going to kill you while playing.
A bunch of kids running around playing cops and robbers isn't a threat to anyone's safety. Kids playing tag doesn't lead to mass outbreaks of violence.
I'd rather see adults stop all the pearl clutching and fake outrage. The kids aren't doing anything wrong.
Of course I would look into
Of course I would look into it. But if it were said while playing (which is what happened with the kids in the OP), I would tell my kid to get a grip. If it were said during an argument of fight, then it would be an issue.
In my opinion it's all about context.
Playful hitting your spouse wouldn't be called domestic abuse. Making a silly comment while playing shouldn't be viewed as a death threat.
No, it's really not. But
No, it's really not.
But let's just act like it is. Telling someone that they are going to kill them out of anger (the way SD admitted she did) is not OK.
If I were genuinely concerned
If I were genuinely concerned that my child was in danger, I would NOT have my child around the person treating him. So, it's on you to protect your child and you aren't in my opinion. You are taking the stance that it was not a statement made in mart, so why for the love of God are you keeping your child in a dangerous situation?????
You are being unfair to your own DD. seriously unfair. No man is worth my child's life. Ever!!!!!
Right now I think it is
Right now I think it is everyone's best interest that all play between SD and dds be fly supervised, which I think I mentioned already.
"Do I think she will actually
"Do I think she will actually follow through on her that? I don't think so, but can you guarantee me that she won't?"
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________
It is impossible to watch kids every single minute of every single day. PLUS, what are you teaching your own children? Your home will feel like a police state. Doors locked, children never alone. I would never want my child to grow up in that atmosphere. Your home is your safe place, your sanctuary. For growing minds, they need to have that sanctuary to become healthy, productive adults.
But now - your own children are living in a police state. You are teaching them that there is no safe place in the world. This would be a deal breaker for me. My kids deserve more than living in a police state.
Your a good mom!
Your a good mom!
vent away nunya. but in
vent away nunya. but in addition to venting, some thoughtful questions have been raised by some comm enters, along with possible helpful solutions.
we all know you and your sd do *not* get along. if u really dont think it was a threat that would be acted on or put your daughter in actual danger, then please for your own sanity find some way to step back from this child.
i'm thinking maybe she thrives on ANY attention from you even if it's negative - like her brain has a short in it and she gets pleasure out of getting any reaction out of you. you might try what i've done w/ yss and put her on complete ignore her (not in a passive-aggressive way, but more of a spaced out "huh? sry i was reading..." kind of way), giving no reaction whatsoever; and only interact with her when she's showing positive behavior traits. it might be worth a shot, she's still young.
I can't believe this is still
I can't believe this is still going on, that poor horse has been dug up just to be beat on again.
Here's me getting my licks in too!
1. Some OTHER kid says this: OTHER kid makes my kid feel bad. I am defensive and want to retaliate. If I am also a good parent, I want to teach OTHER kid that this is not ok. I tell DH/OTHER kid's parent, who does next to nothing. I am left with OTHER kid who has learned nothing, a kid who feels bad, and my own frustration and anger. I post online about this many times to cope.
OR I focus on my own kid. I use this opportunity to teach my own kid about how to handle their feelings as well as the negative way other people sometimes express their feelings. I talk about how relationships are built up and torn down. I talk about healthy boundaries, about friendships that come and go, and see if there's some underlying reason my kid would continue to hang around someone who is unkind to them. Hopefully my kid has choices and I'm not forcing her to be in the company of someone who mistreats her.
2. My OWN kid says this: OWN kid makes other kid feel bad. I am defensive but compassionate. If I am a good parent, I tell my kid this is not ok. I teach my kid how to apologize, and supervise a satisfactory apology. I then ask my kid to suggest ways to make amends and support them in doing something for others. I discuss healthy and appropriate ways to express feelings during many many family dinners. As a result, I have taught my child how to heal a relationship when s/he has harmed it, and I have taught compassion as well as a lingering lesson (one hopes) in thinking before speaking. I share this small parenting win online and receive many 'likes.'