You all were right, it happened again. What is going on? What happened to my happy marriage?
DH went off on me again for absolutely no reason. This is the second time. The crazy part is that I am in no position to leave plus my religion is very anti-divorce.
After the purple hair incident, DH came home extremely apologetic; telling me he didn't know why he got so upset, he knows it was wrong and it will never happen again. It had never happened before and I was still in shock. So I basically did nothing. I mean I was very upset and I stated in no uncertain terms that treating me like that is unacceptable, but I didn't leave or yell. Since then, things have been extremely tense in our house because I have only been speaking to DH if absolutely necessary.
Today, I wanted to go shopping for school supplies for the kids (bios and step). I asked DH for the new password for SS' online school account so I could print his supply list out, print out his schedule and put important dates on our family calendar. We were in the living room and SS11 stb 12 was present. DH screamed at me "I don't have it! I'm going to have to demand one from the school cause the bitch won't give it to me, okay? Does that make you happy?" then left the room.
About 5 minutes later, he comes back in and says "I need to talk to you, NOW!" I follow him into our bedroom and he starts screaming at me that he will not tolerate me making his son feel uncomfortable like that in his own house and that he wants me to move the fuck out. I simply stared at him and said nothing as he screamed at me. After about 15 min he ran out of steam and asked if I had anything to say. I said "You better call BM to see if she wants your useless ass because I am done with you." then I left the room, grabbed my keys and left the house.
I did not know there was an issue with the password or I wouldn't have brought it up in front of SS. However, I can't understand why he just didn't say he didn't have it. DH made the uncomfortable situation, not me. I cannot possibly put up with this kind of treatment.
The problem is though, that I have nowhere to go and while I have a job, I have no money to leave with. I also happen to love the asshole, although I can't see how he could possibly love me if he's capable of talking to me like that. How can a person hide such contempt for so many years?
I don't really expect any answer, I am just writing because there's nothing else I can do at this moment. This hurts more than anything I've ever felt before.
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We've been married 3 years
We've been married 3 years and together for 6. We have obviously had arguments during that time, but the screaming and name calling are new. Plus, these incidents are over absolutely nothing! It's really crazy.
Yep! Agree with sueu2. This
Yep! Agree with sueu2. This isn't going to get better. It's going to escalate and will get worse.
Best advice I could offer you..is get out while you can, before he gets physical - and he will.
This is my exH. Luckily we
This is my exH. Luckily we didn't have kids. We were together 12 years married for almost 10. The last four years of marriage, I can see now were terrible. He would fly into rages for no reason other than I asked what he wanted for dinner. God forbid I would ask when he'd be home or ask him if he had done something like take out the trash.
It escalated slowly. To the point at which once he hit the door next to means threw things around the yard. The neighbor was about to call the cops. I think he broke a part on my bicycle. Stupid me I stayed. Walked on eggshells all the time, never spoke unless spoken to and kept it to simple answers. Nothing worked. I never got hit and he never did anything physical like that again but sometimes he'd get in my face and snarl at me, especially if drunk. I gave him two warnings at the end to never talk to me like that again. He got two, I found an email and text to another woman and was out.
Do the same. Find somewhere. I stayed on friends couches for a month. Best thing I ever did.
Either he is messing around
Either he is messing around on you or his true colours are showing.
Either way do not take him back. His SS will tell his mother what has happened and BM needs to remain in the picture so she knows what is happening with her son.
Find a place for a few nights.
If you must/want to stay with DH he must go into counselling for no less than 6 months. During that time you live apart. Either he will emotionally grow or not. 6 months of counselling will tell you. Sadly (after reading the purple hair story and tonight's little crap-on-you) I would bet he is looking elsewhere and wants you gone.
It will not get better. He
It will not get better. He will always apologize, always be on his BEST behavior for a little while, then blow up again unexpectedly.
Every time this happens you'll get a little quieter, a little carefuller... You'll lose YOU.
I lived like that for 21 years. Never knowing what would set exH off, just knowing that anything could. He never hit me, he didn't have to. He completely broke me anyway.
The suicide thing is one of
The suicide thing is one of their many tools. They will kill themself and it will be YOUR fault. During the final blow up with my exH, with him screaming at me, me cowering in fear on the couch, him throwing my computer across the room, me crying as quietly as possible (didn't want to make him madder) he went in the bedroom and next thing I heard was a gunshot. Scared me horribly--I had 3 kids at home and thought he had killed himself. Turns out he shot the door to the bedroom but was totally undisturbed that I thought he had shot himself...it would have been because I made him do it.
My ex-h put a gun in his
My ex-h put a gun in his mouth and chased me out of the house one night. I was more afraid he would trip or something and accidentally shoot me, though. I cannot stand insecure, manipulative, unstable men like this.
Please get out of there as
Please get out of there as soon as you can. He is verbally and mentally abusing you. Your children do not need to see this happening. Even if they are small they are still seeing him do this and getting confused. Wondering if this is how a daddy is supposed to treat their mommy. They can tell when you're unhappy or scared. I went through almost this exact thing(minus stepchild). I had a 2 year old son at the time. I remember after I left his dad we were out and about and he looked at me and said "mommy you look so much happier since leaving daddy. I'm glad.". That was when I knew I made the smart decision to get out. It was affecting my son and I didn't see it.
Hugs to you. I know it will be difficult at the beginning. Just take it one day at a time and you will get back on your feet.
My advice to any abusive
My advice to any abusive adult who threatens suicide: "Have at it. Do the world a favor."
Read up on domestic violence
Read up on domestic violence - especially the part about escape plans. If you are not ready to leave now, at least have a way to do it when you are ready. Here are some ideas to get you started:
Find a friend or family member that will take you in - or figure out a hotel that you can get to easily and that will take pets (if you have them.)
Find all your important papers and keep them at work or with a trusted friend or family friend.
Look at your finances. Set up a secret checking account for your paychecks, or at least part of them. Move part of any joint money if you can.
Pack a "go bag" with essentials and keep it hidden somewhere - best case would be your car. Keep an extra car key hidden somewhere so you can get it if he takes your car key.
If you have pets, have a plan to take them with you.
If you leave, take your cell phone but then either disable it or leave it somewhere so he can't use it to track you. Get a pre paid phone to use instead.
Check local domestic violence centers to see what support they can provide.
I'm wondering how in the
I'm wondering how in the world you asking for a school password so you can do things for HIS kid makes HIS kid uncomfortable??? That makes zero sense to me and I really want to kick his lily ass right now for acting like such a dick over something so stupid!
gET YOUR birth certificates
gET YOUR birth certificates for you children and social security #'s and all important paper work together now!
1. Extreme disrespect for
1. Extreme disrespect for you. Especially to yell at you like that in front of children - no matter WHOSE they are.
2. Not only is he disrespecting you and not giving a crap how he makes his own child feel, he is also calling that child's mother a bitch right in front of him.
3. This guy is going to think that he can get away with that stuff if you don't do something drastic. And I don't mean giving him a firm talking to either!
I was in an abusive
I was in an abusive relationship for 9 years. At the time, I was very young and had no money or income to speak of. When I knew that I had to get out before I really screwed up my kids heads, I started planning my escape. I was on public assistance at the time and found a job that paid cash so I could speed up the process. I found a small 1 bedroom apartment and asked my family to help me. One day I said I was taking the kids to a birthday party, instead, I hosted a pizza party, invited my friends, everyone brought a cocktail, grabbed a paint brush and got to painting. Someone put up blinds, another installed a ceiling fan, another assembled furniture. I gave my sons the bedroom and got myself a futon and slept in the living room. I moved out in the middle of the night, when exH was out drinking with his friends. When he got home, we were gone.
It took me a year to plan, execute and complete the move. Please get out before this man hurts you or your children.
Fitnsitnpretty - Thank you.
Fitnsitnpretty - Thank you. It feels like it happened to someone else. It was soooo long ago but exH refused to move out. So he left me no choice but to pick up and go. It was really scary but so uplifting once was all said and done.
He literally told you to get
He literally told you to get the f*** out, obviously divorce is an option for him. While divorce may not be an option for you, It may be your only choice when he kicks you out.
I would say that you need to get yourself financially prepared for when he physically throws you out, which at the rate he is escalating may be soon.
People don't just change like that. Chances are he is either simply not happy in the marriage and wants out, or has someone else and is looking for a reason to throw you out. Your options are to talk to him to find out what the underlying issue is, to go to counseling, or to take his abuse until he throws you out.