Right now? Knowing that ALL of it was preventable. It all happened out of a mix of guilt on DH's part, miscommunication on both our parts, and me having a fantasy that getting married would change our fucked up dynamic.

Back then? Feeling like I came in #5, after DH, BM, and the 3 SKids.

It has changed *some*, but this will never be a family, let alone the family I had imagined it would be.

Worst thing right now: BM creating unneccessary drama most of the time, and always 'scheming' to get back into court
What are we doing to cope with that?: Being proactive
Worst thing when I found Step Talk?: Feeling alone
Has that changed?: Absolutely. This site has saved my sanity!

Worst thing right now?:
BM, manipulative and abusive and confrontational
What are we doing to cope with that?:
RO, CO and no trespass orders from the sheriff department in place, she can contact ONLY by email, DH finally seeing that BM was controlling him and our home with her abuse and manipulation.
Worst thing when I found Step Talk?:
BM controlling DH with her abuse, and calling the shots in my home and my life with DH.
Has that changed?
Yes, she is still manipulative and abusive and confrontational, but she has a lot less power and control when its by email, she can email all her insults and threats, it doesn't change that she no longer controls our household!

Featureless (BM) is the worst part of steplife. I think she's struggling with her law degree and is taking it out on SO and now me. I'm coping with it by trying not to give her any head space, and by taking a copy of the CO with me if I need to pick up SD from school... just in case.

Featureless was the problem when I joined here, too. It has become worse. She's become more belligerent and out of control.

When I first came to Stalk it was because I couldn't deal with BM2... she was always calling, texting, whining, bitching, and it drove me insane... so insane that I started to dislike SS simply because I disliked HER so much. Unfortunately over the past 5 years, SS has turned into someone I don't like because of his OWN actions and since BM2 married her 20 year old boy toy, she has been super quiet the past couple of years.

At this very moment, life is good! SD17 is living 3 states away and we actually get along just fine now from a distance. Having her in my house?? was Un-fucking-bearable! DH rarely sees SS16 because he is a loser punk and can't be bothered with DH and BM2 is busy keeping a tight leash on her son.. oops I mean husband..so she's been quiet. And funny thing is... when you remove BM and skid drama from your marriage?? You can actually be HAPPY!!! Seriously! DH and I used to fight on a bi-weekly basis at least, when SD17 lived with us. Since she's been gone the past 6 months? ZERO fights, we spend more time together, we're back to being best friends and a team in parenting BS5.

Worst thing: MIL and danger to my girls.
I pretend she's in Peru. I pretend he's there too.
I was so alone, had no idea where to next. Was managing on a wing and a prayer. I found here instead of Xanax.
Visits No longer happen at my house. ST ladies gave me the strength to say no to my girls being in danger.

Worst thing right now:
The skids are still expected EOWe (when DH isn't working).
BioHo tries to "chat" with DH about non-skid related crap (is it okay if I say CRAP?).

What are you doing to change it/fix it/cope with it?
Nothing to change it - it's inevitable. The little effers will keep coming until they age out.
Fix it - Keep my emotions out of it and talk with DH to determine logical solutions to deal with the issues.
Cope - welcome to Aniki's Bar!

What was the worse thing in step life when you found Step Talk?
PigPen12 was stealing extremely personal items.

Has that changed? And if so, what did you do to make that change?
DH told PigPen that if he stole again, he would NEVER EVER be welcome in our home again. EVER. Period. Dot.
He hasn't stolen from us, but he did steal BioHo's car a few weeks ago.... }:)

i found STalk when i was trying to do research on step family dynamics - i was having a hell of a time w/ yss. but that was not what made me join and write my first post.

What is the worse thing about step life for you RIGHT NOW? watching my dh hurt.

What are you doing to change it/fix it/cope with it? i cant, the only thing i can do is just be there for him.

What was the worse thing in step life when you found Step Talk? MIL.

Has that changed? And if so, what did you do to make that change? yup it's changed. she is dead to me.

What is the worse thing about step life for you RIGHT NOW? That SD's and BM have DH's "balls"..

What are you doing to change it/fix it/cope with it? Keep reminding myself that this won't last forever, coming here to vent, and realizing that when the "step life" dust settles, DH will still be there for me and we will live in peace one day.

What was the worse thing in step life when you found Step Talk? I was the worst thing..because I let the skids and BM inside my head..and it broke me.

Has that changed? And if so, what did you do to make that change? It has changed a little, it became such a habit for me to be resentful and bitter about BM and skids, that I still fail sometimes, but for the most part, I've been working hard on getting them out of my head..I may not be able to get them out of my life..but they do need to vacate my head!!

What is the worse thing about step life for you RIGHT NOW? NOt being able to help someone who is hurting due to Skids actions

What are you doing to change it/fix it/cope with it? Can't do anything but support him and try not to ring their little necks

What was the worse thing in step life when you found Step Talk? Feeling like I was always combating BM and her attempts to taek advantage of me

Has that changed? And if so, what did you do to make that change? I stopped allowing her to get in my head and refused to allow her to control me. I realized (through this site) that my feelings are not unigue and I am not alone in this battle. I learned how to disengage from the SS's and the drama created by BM for the most part. NO longer am a player in thier game. It has been lifechanging!!

What is the worse thing about step life for you RIGHT NOW? My mother in law and BM. Even though BM and I are cordial, she does things to annoy me. Not sure if it's on purpose but it does. I have to tiptoe not to piss this women off in order for my husband to have a solid life. I hate that. Anyone else, I'd be telling them off and be done with it.

What are you doing to change it/fix it/cope with it? I'm ignoring both. It's all I can do. I'm an up-front person, but my husband hates confrontation and I feel I need to protect him from that by swallowing my pride and ignoring these 2 women.

What was the worse thing in step life when you found Step Talk?
BM was psychotic back then. She made life hell. I often thought of leaving DH *back then SO* because of BM which sucks because SO is really a doting, loving husband. I'm so glad I stuck through it and BM moved away.

Has that changed? And if so, what did you do to make that change?

It did change. The big things are that I handled the custody modification so that DH didn't get screwed. Once someone was on DH's side, BM couldn't win against someone smarter than her. So she HAD to back down and play fair(er). I stood up for DH where others hadn't before. Once she saw that I wasn't going to back down, she stopped trying to control us. Then she moved states away. Life is awesome now.

What is the worse thing about step life for you RIGHT NOW?
Not being able to engage on mundane things, like teeth brushing, picking things up, etc. I am a natural engager so this goes against my whole being. But I AM doing it.

What are you doing to change it/fix it/cope with it?
Leave the room, leave the premesis, do things by myself or with friends to take some time away. I spent some time on our back deck (off our bedroom thank god) over the past weekend. I have to get a comfy chair out there.

What was the worse thing in step life when you found Step Talk?
SDs were CRAZY. They started sabotaging my things, taking things without asking, messing with my makeup, left HUGE messes everywhere, broke furniture, and NOTHING could stop them. DP didn't seem to think this was an issue until the sabotage, then he got scared that I would leave. Then I found this site.

Has that changed? And if so, what did you do to make that change?
YES. It's 200x better. There's still problems, but nothing like before. I mostly stay out of it and let DP make his choices. I only engage with backtalk, direct questions to me, keep out of my stuff (i.e. don't take my good bath towels to pool), stay out of our bedroom area unless permission granted, etc. I stepped back. I am trying to not give my opinion unless directly asked by DP. I separate emotion/reaction from logic. I try to be Spock.

I think my answers are bummers:

What is the worse thing about step life for you RIGHT NOW? PASed out skids means my DH is robbed out of being the wonderful grandpa that he would be

What are you doing to change it/fix it/cope with it? Ostrich, I guess. I try not to think about it. Hug DH when he is down about it.

What was the worse thing in step life when you found Step Talk? BM and all her manufactured drama

Has that changed? And if so, what did you do to make that change? It changed because the skids aged out and we changed our phone numbers and address. Otherwise, yes, it did lessen. I wished I could say it was because we moved to No Contact and parallel parenting. But mostly it was because the skids got older and BM found a new victim who got her knocked up and MARRIED her this time.