Promise then: Without stepping on BM's toes, I'd love the skids as if they were my own. I'd show them I was not there to "steal their father away from them." I'd do what I can to make the skids not feel so bad that their parents got divorced. I'd make them feel welcome and "normal" at dad's house the same way they were at BM's.

What Changed: BM was so obsessed with not losing her "motherly" control (which is crazy because I was never trying to take her place) that she made it a mission to be the "cool parent" by buying the skids love, which over the years has turned the skids into materialistic spoiled brats. BM also told the skids that they don't need to listen to DH or myself, that they only listen to HER. She hates DH so much that she has no problem bad mouthing him to the skids. And they believe everything she says. The skids aren't totally PAS'ed out, but they do only come around when they want something from DH.

Promise now: I don't care what DH does since they're his kids, but to the best of my ability I'm just going to act like the skids don't exist. They are no more to me than a stranger on the street.

I don't know that I made any promises to myself before. I had this grand picture that we would all be happy and blended and get along without any issues. I came from an intact household and I'm an only child, so my frame of reference was made up of what I knew and what my blended family friends passed along. Seems like none of my blended family friends have issues, or maybe they just don't talk about them.

Now...I promise myself to not let the skids turn me into an evil grouchy troll.

I was going to try being a GREAT stepmom who would enjoy doing things with skid, having family time, etc.

Now? I just want to be left alone. Too many years of dirty looks, snide comments, not appreciating a fucking thing I do. I've disengaged completely. DH does the cooking when skid is at our house, as I'm sick of anything I cook being dissected and commented about how "mommy doesn't put X in hers" I don't fucking care, I don't want to hear it.

Then: to work with BM and get DH to compromise and communicate with her so SS doesn't feel stuck in the middle and there isn't constant fighting over him.

Now: Fuck that bitch, follow the CO to the T, eliminate excess communication that's unnecessary. Keep an eye on her for trouble because she loves SS choosing her over DH and will constantly set herself for that as much as she can. Learned the hard way the least she knows the less fighting she causes.

Why: because it was all one sided. We tried to get along, communicate and compromise and got nothing back. And on top of getting nothing back for helping her out, she would criticize and try to control our house. Her only goal is to be SS's favorite person even at the cost of him. respecting her as a parent instead of a friend. Parenting wise it's all on DH and me (by choice, until I get tired of it) and she's done absolutely nothing in the parenting department except flash her mommy card at school functions.