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Venting and confused

young_stepmomma25's picture

Submitted by young_stepmomma25 on Thu, 05/14/2015 - 9:48pm

Okay so I don't know where this exactly fits in here at this site so here goes nothing:
My DH loves kids. He has 7 altogether (2 are ours together). He has two older sons to which he's a grandfather to their kids. He doesn't have contact with his oldest son nor his kids because of circumstances unknown but he's trying hard to be in his second oldest son's life. It's a long story but I'll explain in another post. So his second oldest son has a 10 month old son that he loves dearly. He's been trying to have him over to babysit just to spend quality time with him. Here's where my rant comes in. We have 3 month old twin boys and have his two teenaged kids in the home (living with us full time )& we merely have time to ourselves alone. Now add a 10 month old to the mix. I was hoping we'd have some adult time but guess that wont be happening. I understand it's his grandson but right now, with 3 month old babies, shouldn't he had asked me if it were okay? We get up at least twice the night to feed them & it's tiresome. Where is he to sleep? He's too big to sleep in the twins' crib & he's not sleeping in the bed with us!! Do you think he thinks I'm gonna take over feeding/changing his grandson when he's asleep? Sometimes I feel as if I'm robbing him from being a grandpa to his grandchildren because he wants to do so much for them. Am I sounding like a whiny 2 yr old who wants her way? Maybe.

Comments

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Thu, 05/14/2015 - 10:12pm

Spending time with his grandson means spending time. There is no need for overnights. He can spend all day with the little lad and send him home. He has more than enough in his own home right now. I would say "Overnights when his is potty trained." Because I bet I know who won't be taking care of that duty!

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Thu, 05/14/2015 - 10:14pm

You have a lot going on here but I will just restrict my comments to your main question.

You are a postpartum lady of newborn twins. You need pampering and help. You are your husband's partner. So, no, it is not wrong of you to desire him to make arrangements that affect the household with you instead of announce them after the fact. No, you are not unreasonable to have a boundary that you can only care for your own twin newborns. Yes, you should expect him to help you with these twin newborns.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Thu, 05/14/2015 - 10:18pm

Are the teens girls? If so, your husband can have them help out. I'm sure they will love to spoil their nephew. Tell him to hold off on the overnight visits until the little guy is older.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Fri, 05/15/2015 - 7:33am

Oh FFS,

I just figured boys would not be interested at this stage. My comment didn't have a thing to do with you COULD hrlp. It was about who would WANT to help.

young_stepmomma25's picture

Submitted by young_stepmomma25 on Thu, 05/14/2015 - 10:29pm

Actually just one teen girl & the other is a boy and neither of which are going to be helpful for night feedings lol.

Indigo's picture

Submitted by Indigo on Fri, 05/15/2015 - 4:03am

Twin 3 mo babies and "adult time"? I am so far from your shoes right now, but even I can see that it's nowhere near happening. Grandbaby tossed into the diaper mix? Yes, I can see SO thinking that one more or less baby isn't a big deal. Bet that he his not changing 3 diapers at different intervals over 2 hours. Get one cleaned up and another one needs to be tidied up.

I don't think you are violating any G-Pa rights by asking G-Pa to care for his own children first, then his g-kids. The g-kids already have parents.

young_stepmomma25's picture

Submitted by young_stepmomma25 on Fri, 05/15/2015 - 7:21am

See there, I was doing this thing called venting & I was asking rhetorical questions. Sorry I wasn't clear enough. If that was pure sarcasm & made to be a funny retort, excuse my ignorance. As far as us communicating about his overnight visit, you're absolutely right (there wasn't any). I thought , well rather assumed he knew that that arrangement was a bit farfetched. And yes, I know what happens when we assume.

AllySkoo's picture

Submitted by AllySkoo on Fri, 05/15/2015 - 11:50am

Oh my god I hate you so much right now. NONE of mine (including twins, BTW!) slept through the night until they were TWO. Grrrr.....

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Fri, 05/15/2015 - 12:18pm

dup

AllySkoo's picture

Submitted by AllySkoo on Fri, 05/15/2015 - 11:55am

My twins are not quite 3, so I have been in your shoes in the very recent past. For what it's worth, SD asked if her friend and her friend's baby (don't ask, it's just... just.... gah!) could sleep over one night, when my twins were about a year old. I said HELL NO. I have enough babies in this house and about the only thing I want less than another baby who might wake up crying and then wake up MY two is maybe finding out that there's a nest of black widow spiders in the wall behind my bed. But it would be a tough call which one I would hate more. (And in that case, no one was asking ME to take care of a third baby overnight, since Mom would have been sleeping over too! I STILL said no.)

A fellow twin mom once said, and I find it generally to be true, "twins are not twice the work. They are the work squared." Tell your DH that he is to give the grandchild back in time to help you with bedtime for his youngest kids. "Dad" takes priority over "Grandpa".