It's getting to be that time of year again: Mothers/Fathers Day
I have handled helping the skids get DH a present for Father's Day because we are married, I'm here in the house, I know what he likes to do and they like to do, I have the ability to work with the skids on whatever it is. DH told BM the first year we were married something about me helping the skids get him a father's day gift. Every year except for one she has also gone with the skids to get him a gift (not sure what happened that year, and I thought she had finally let it drop...I was wrong). And, the gifts she has helped them with are nothing that DH wants or needs. In fact, last year's gift was obviously a last-minute stop and something that reminded her and the skids of a trip they had just taken with her and her BF.
I know that the skids and DH had a great time with the gift they got him last year...the one I helped them find. They mentioned doing it again this year. Besides it being a waste of BMs time and money to do it, I feel that it's over-stepping. I'm sure she feels that it's because "they are the parents" that I should stay out of it.
On the flip side, we have only once ever helped the skids get her a gift for Mothers Day. It was the year we had them up until the "exchange time" for Mother's day and found out that her BF hadn't taken them to get her anything, and we know how much she focuses on being their mother so them showing up with something would be best. We didn't help last year and thankfully BF did again...yet she felt the need to step in with Fathers Day.
I don't do this to ExH. I do help my kid pick out a gift for him for holidays only because I asked ExH what the protocol should be as he (ExH) has a long-term girlfriend but they do not live together. I didn't want to step on toes so I asked. He said they don't have that kind of relationship and if I'm okay with helping get the gifts that would be nice.
I think...no, I know...I'm going to help the skids with a gift for DH. I'm just not looking forward to me and DH having to figure out what to do with another gift from BM. The skids don't even notice that the things aren't out/used. ('Cause, seriously, the one year he got a duct tape tie. She had them make it for him.)
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Oh, and I should mention that
Oh, and I should mention that DH helps my kid get me a Mother's Day gift. Discussed that with him and ExH, too, so there was no confusion.
^^^kids usually do make stuff
^^^kids usually do make stuff when younger at school to give parents on mothers/fathers day.
My kids when in elementary made 2, one for DH and dad, or one for me and sm.
I think that's a great way to go.
My skids have never done that for me but BM pushes the loyalty to her only thing hard with them so I don't mind.
She still believes DH will come back some day and I'm just temporary, even though it's been 7 years
I have NEVER helped my kid's
I have NEVER helped my kid's buy a gift for my exH.
My exH has NEVER helped the kids buy a gift for me.
BM has never helped skids get a gift for DH.
DH like a dumbass, bought BM a mother's day gift 2 years ago (same gift as he bought me and his mom) a hanging basket of flowers. Because SD7att asked to get mommy one too. She said thank you, brought it home, took it our of her trunk and left it behind the car only to back over it an hour later on her way to her mom's house.
She called DH to tell him and ask for a new one.
BM still has feelings for DH and believes even after 7 years he will come back.
These gifts just get her to believe it more!
I'm against the gift assistance for kids/skids for ex's
I think a clean break is best for us. All situations are different.
HK14 has never done a thing
HK14 has never done a thing for me on mothers day.
This year, my son and i are going out to brunch.
I don't expect the skids to
I don't expect the skids to do anything for me on Mother's Day. I don't have my kid do anything for DH on Father's Day.
Hm. Gonna point out to DH he should mention something to BM.
I have helped SD8 make gifts
I have helped SD8 make gifts for DH since I moved in about 2 years ago. The first year I collaborated with BM as I didn't know much about what they typically did. She and I helped SD in both houses to complete the project.
I also help SD make gifts for BM for Mother's Day. It's everyone's preference to receive homemade gifts from SD at this age and DH is not very crafty so I'm happy to help her out with ideas and the execution. I think if BM was remarried I might not feel as obligated to help with a gift for her but she's single and I want to help her daughter make her something for Mother's Day.
Wow, Mairenn, I don't usually
Wow, Mairenn, I don't usually disagree with you, and maybe what follows is not a disagreement to your posts.
These are not little kids. My skids are an almost teen and a teen. Their mom babies them which is why as a tween and early teen they made a project that typically 6 years olds make for DH. Based on behaviors it's safe to assume that the skids don't want to piss off BM by rejecting her offer to get DH something by saying they already did so with me.
Do I think it's my place to help them get DH a present for Father's Day? Yes. Why? Because they are divorced and DH's events are not her events anymore. It's nice to do it with the kid for the other parent if there's no other party to help the kid with the present. But once there is another party, then it's time to step back.
I will happily help my kid get his dad a present but I also know there's a long-term girlfriend involved and I don't see their lives so she might be the better person to help. And, if it would make ExH uncomfortable if I helped, I asked. It wasn't about willingness to help my kid.
My DH, my ExH and I see a boundary where BM does not.