Any advice would be great.
So this is my first post. I've been reading everyone's posts and it always makes me feel better. I hope you ladies can give me some advice.
Just a bit of back ground. I have been married to DH for 3.5 years and have 2 SS, 17 and 16. They aren't bad kids just not kids that I believe I would have had (I have no kids, tried but didn't work).
My main problem is not with the skids but with DH. We had a rocky start and I probably didn't help the situation. He had financial issues and being the organiser that I am I decided to fix everything. Paid things off, sorted out the remaining debt etc. He never really took responsibility for running up a debt of nearly 200k (no I didn't pay the whole thing off he took bankruptcy). So now he isn't bankrupt and we have moved on. I sold my home and we moved into a place together, got married. I took care of the money and organised that. I thought things would work out now that he (we) had a clean slate.
We did IVF and that didn’t work but some things came to light after that treatment. He promised to support me and be healthy, not smoke etc. Promised he wasn’t but I found out after that he was and did the whole way though. I felt betrayed. Am I over reacting?
He always promises to do this or that but never follows through. We separated in January and he took back his finances. He paid bills and I paid the mortgage and rates. Now we have talked about sorting it out and giving it another go but he has just dumped the finances back on me and told me not to look at the history. Really! He is a few weeks behind in Child support, the car registration is due and from what I can see he has just been enjoying himself with no thought of responsibility. I am so angry. I earn more than him and have been trying to get a debt down (we renovated the kitchen and I ended up with the credit card debt) and live as well.
I feel bad that he would fall if I left but I feel used.
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Comments
Sueu2 can be counted upon for
Sueu2 can be counted upon for some kind welcoming words for newbies. This is what I got from her . "you hooked up with this guy and spent the rest of your days trying as hard as you could to attach yourself to him up to and including having his child and wishing like mad he will marry you. What you should have done was scrutinize his character because that's the purpose of meeting and dating. You scrutinize to see if he is the right guy for you. You don't meet a guy and immediately start dragging him down the aisle". So you are already fitting in great here !
My honest advice to you is move on. In my twenties I worked hard for a man I loved and lived with for 3 years paying off his debt and trying to teach him money management cause he said we were going to be married and I didn't wanted to start a marriage in debt. He left me for a girl he met off the internet. If I had to do it all over again I would have invested my time and money differently. I saw this thing on Facebook the other day that struck a nerve in me. http://imgur.com/JPQ5KgR That image was made for me 15 years ago and now I see how dumb I was. Of course I saw how dumb I was after he left . But I get where you were coming from. You loved the guy and he was not wise financially and you thought you could teach him a better way but it didn't work. He may have deeper character flaws though then just money mismanagement. Perhaps selfishness and irresponsiblility and honesty issues. Dave Ramsey has turned around thousands of people financially but your guys problems run deeper.You are never going to find a person without flaws but some flaws are really bad in a partner. I think his actions while apart demonstrate his character flaws and you acting Dave Ramsey like isn't going to fix him. Run
You don't know me. You don't
You don't know me. You don't know anything about me other than what I chose to disclose. I'm not on this site asking for advice about finances, friends, beauty, health, motherhood, work, etc. because I have all that together. I disclosed that my SO and his ex wife were on speaker phone and instead of getting the paper from medicaid that was needed, he wanted to white out portions of their divorce decree and he didn't argue with her or correct her when she referred to herself as his wife. I've also posted that he did nothing to defend me against his teenage daughter's rudeness on a trip at Disney World. Aren't we all here because of the boundary issues with BM and Disney dad's relationships and non reactions to their kids? But if you want to think of me as a woman so desparate to get married at almost 40 that I would purposely trap a man by getting pregnant on first, ok. But who is trapped exacty? Me? Him? If I wanted to be married, I would be. Go ahead and think of me that way and I'll think of you as judgemental, condescending, and unkind. I'm sure your opinion of yourself is just affected by my opinion of you as mine is of yours.
Thanks Nowirecoathanger. I
Thanks Nowirecoathanger. I agree I thought I could fix him and I thought if I did we would have a great life together. But his issues are there and people don't change. Its sad but a fact. I do need to move on just need to not let my worry and guilt stop me.