Good for help for our family when it comes to BM2 and DH's step mom who still stirs the pot when she can! Thank you!

There is also a group on FB with the same name ( after narc abuse there is light, love and something else) that is less active now
but in its archives there must be hundreds of articles and excerpts from
books on narcissists. I used to read them religiously.

There's also this: http://lightshouse.org/#axzz3WiZ4B77m
Especially their "You're Not Alone" page

I have to copy #3 here from the first article. It describes my SD19 to a T. I have avoided her twice now, and thought I was losing my mind. I am just establishing my own BOUNDARY!

******************************
3. ITS FUTILE TO CONSTANTLY DEFEND YOUR BOUNDARIES AGAINST SOMEONE WHO CANT RESPECT THEM
Narcissists are the ONLY ones allowed to have rules in limits in the relationship. They dictate. They speak for “US” whether we agree or not. They bulldoze. They refuse to respect the demarcation lines between ourselves and them. They view us as possessions owned, not wondrous additions to their lives. They can’t be truly grateful because they feel entitled to it all. Yek!

Our boundaries are the ones that even if existed upon meeting a narcissist, surely will NOT once we’ve spent enough time in their company.
Personally, I was able to tell many romantic partners no, or express my desires and opinions in prior relationships. The narcissist however, just beats us down. Exhausts us. THIS!! :jawdrop: ----->***The constant drama, arguments, disrespect, demands, ego games, silence……I can easily see why just acquiescing (waiving the white flag of surrendering your boundaries) seems like a “peacekeeping” decision.***

Even if you learn to establish healthy boundaries and that’s a Sign of Health but you are engaged in constant battle with a person who whole heartedly believes it is their right to not only challenge those boundaries but to destroy them if they want, It’s a sign of health to recognize futility, know when to throw in the towel, and refuse to participate in any relationship that isn’t reciprocal and/or enriching to your well being.

There’s a certain emotional intelligence in being able to recognize when things are a losing battle. Our responsibility is not to teach another adult how to respect our boundaries. That’s up to the narcissist. Since the narcissist is heavily invested, in fact lives to blame others, this is a no win situation. We will constantly have to repeat ourselves about what we can’t tolerate and they'll continue to ignore us.

This is the same premise as “fool me once, shame on You, foo me twice, shame on me”. The first time they ignored our saying, “Please don’t speak down to me.” or “Please don’t call us names” was their one chance to show us they respected our need to not be called names. The second time, they do it is an indication that they will continue to do this, and if they do, we are ALLOWING it.
Establish just ONE BOUNDARY and walk away for good!

Just say, ‘NO!’

NO CONTACT
Because that means:
NO MORE MANIPULATION
NO MORE DRAMA
NO MORE GAMES

NO MORE ARGUMENTS
NO MORE PUT DOWNS
NO MORE NARCS

Holy crap! This was a great article! It even showed me how my own father (who is a major narc) was able to mess up my head so badly that I need to see a psychologist now. The troll is also a major narc and the articles makes so much sense when I think back on how DH was when we got together (and to an extent still is but he's gotten so much better). I think SS11 is going to become a narc. He's has the same damn narc traits as the troll. So joy, I get to deal with three narcs in my life